Ill (again!)

Can you believe it!? For the 100th time this year, I'm ill again.

I have been suffering from the worst stomach bug I've ever experienced in my life for the past 3 days. I actually lost half a stone between Sunday morning and Tuesday lunchtime, I've been so ill.

I was hoping to go back to work today, but that hasn't happened. I got up and had a shower this morning, but by the time that was done, I was absolutely exhausted. It probably has something to do with me not having eaten anything other than 4 slices of bread since Sunday. Plus, the thought of sitting at my desk for 10 hours, didn't really fill me with all that much enthusiasm, either.

I slept for most of this morning, and I've logged on this afternoon to do some bits, but other than that, my energy is in the minus regions.

I can't help thinking that it's got something to do with the hours I'm working, though. 50 hours a week can't be good for me, and I've seriously been more ill so far this year than I've been for a long, long time. Maybe my immune system just isn't what it was / should be?


Someone offered me their seat...

on the tube today.

It happened the other week, too.

The chances of their being two men who were being polite, in London, are probably pretty slim.


Do I look pregnant?? And, if I do, is that better than just looking fat!??!

Anyway, it's been a pretty tough day. We had our quarterly meeting in London, and it's been pretty hard going. Things aren't great, and we're basically in a situation where we need to make more sales, or make more cuts. We already made 8 redundancies last year, and it feels like there might be more...in the not-too-distant future.

Hard stuff to be dealing with on a Friday night!


Quote for Today!

Manic, manic day - my head feels like it's going to explode!!

Funny quote for the day from my colleague:

Play with me! It's fun. Sword me.


Decisions, decisions...

Well, I had some interesting conversations with my boss / MD yesterday, which means Mr B and I have some decisions to make...

Basically, there's going to be an announcement on Friday that we have 3 months to either make more sales or cut more costs.

There were 8 redundancies last year, and it sounds like there could be more coming up.

Mr B and I now need to decide if it's sensible for us to start TTC in 5 weeks, when I might not have a job in 12 weeks.

I don't really want to put it off any more, and there's never a "right time", but it would be better to have a job than not!

Mr B's going to do some sums this evening and we'll decide from there.



And then I...

Well, when I got home last night, I felt totally shattered. All I really wanted to do was put my PJs on. But I didn't.

I cooked dinner (well, cooked is probably a bit of an exageration. I re-heated some Jambalaya that I'd got out of the freezer. I had cooked it in the first place though. Home made ready meals rock!)

And then I...

Spent some time sorting my finances with Mr B. This is a task I HATE, but because I refuse to go the whole hog and have just the joint account, I have to do. I'm fiercely independent, and like to have my own money, but I'm not too great at it. But, I can't get away with not doing it, cos Mr B's an accountant, and he likes to know that I know where I'm at.

And then I...

Chatted briefly to my friend H, who is off on her hols today. I'm very excited for her - she's bravely headed off to Egypt, on her own. You go girl!

And then I ...

Did the ironing. Another task that I don't really enjoy. I was supposed to do it on Sunday, but put it off. I contemplated putting it off again last night, but then realised that if I didn't do it, I'd have nothing to wear. In the end, it only took 40 minutes, so that was a result.

And then I...

Did an OPK. This is all quite new to me, to be honest - TTC isn't something we've seriously done before, but the closer the holiday gets, the more serious I'm getting about it. I was hoping that, as I'd had the most regular cycles of my life since December, that was set to continue, but it doesn't look like it. We'll see....

And then I...

Did some exercise. I did 50 sit ups. I'm not going to be winning any medals for fitness fanatic of the year, but it was a start. And I'm gonna get the Wii Fit out tonight, too.

And then I...

Sat down and watched Hells Kitchen USA with Mr B. I don't really enjoy it, but it's mindless TV, and time with the hubby!

And then I...

Went to bed and read a bit.

And then I...

Went to sleep.

So, all in all, a pretty productive evening for someone who was knackered!!



Weird day

Hmm... something's going on at work, and I'm not sure what. It's all a little bit unsettling...

I'm sure I'll find out soon enough....


6 weeks to go...

Well, it's 6 weeks today until we go on honeymoon.

Which means it's 6 weeks today until we officially start trying for a baby.

Which means I've got 6 weeks to lose a whole lot of weight.

Starting NOW!!! No more messing.


The weekend starts here!

Well, today has flown by. Not that I'm complaining!

In an hour's time, I'll be on my way home from work, ready for the weekend to start. I might even have a cheeky glass of vino.

I went out last night with S and H and we had a really nice time. We just went for dinner, but had a good giggle and catch up. We haven't all been together since my wedding in November, which doesn't really count because they weren't quite my priority. So, in fact, it was March of last year that we had a good catch up. And, a lot has changed in that time!

S used to be our boss, and he spent a lot of time with me about 2 years ago helping me with my confidence / self belief. I hadn't told him about my depression (I think I was a bit embarrassed) but we chatted about it last night, and he's given me some things to think about to help me keep on track with that. We also chatted about the positive thinking and mind sets when it comes to driving lessons, too, and I'm definitely going to use that - if I think I can drive, and can pass my test, I will.

It all sounds totally airy fairy, and there was a time when I would've rolled my eyes if someone else was telling me this, but because I trust him, and he's helped me before, I suppose I think that anything's worth a try!

Anyway, it was good to catch up with them both.

I've got another manic weekend this weekend - I've taken the be-more-social goal to extremes, I think, and not really given myself / us any time to chill out... Never mind though, it will be nice to see people.

I must get to the gym tomorrow and Sunday, though - it's been to long, and this weight isn't going to lose itself....

Till Sunday!


I want one!!

Well, the babies have been in.

And they're beautiful.

They're 6 weeks old, and they were so teeny tiny!!

They were born at home within 45 minutes of the labour starting, and they don't know who is the oldest because Dad wasn't sure which one flew out first! So funny!

They think one of them has acid reflux and she cries A LOT, but even so, I wanted to steal her away.

In fact, I would've stolen them both, and they're big brother, too. They're all so sweet.

It's done nothing for my broodiness, and it will probably cause me no end of misery when I actually stop to think about it!

I've also agreed to go and see my friend, and meet her baby, too.

AAAARRRRGGHHH!! I'm a glutton for punishment!!!


Tough Evening...

I had my hair done last night - it looks awesome, but...

I found out that my hairdresser is pregnant.. It was really weird, cos when I went in I thought she looked really well, and wondered if she was preggers. I bit my tongue though and didn't say anything, and she told me later on in the evening.

She's been doing my hair for over 3 years now, and is aware of my PCOS situation, and she did say "I wasn't going to say anything, but I'm really excited. Sorry". I'm obviously really really pleased for her - she had an operation last year to remove part of her cervix due to cancer and was told that she had less than a 10% chance of getting pregnant again (she already has a 13yo and 8yo twin boys), but its still hard, as it is whenever anyone announces their happy news.

On top of that, my old manager's coming in to visit today, with her 6 week old twin baby girls and her 2 year old little boy. I think it's going to be a tough day!

On the plus side, I'm seeing my friend H this evening, and our old boss S, who is over from France for a couple of days and staying with me. AND I had a message on FaceSpace this morning from my college friend who moved back to Tobago in 2002. I saw him 3 years ago when he came back for a visit, and he's coming over this summer - I'm excited already!!




I've been out of the office for ONE DAY, and it's a nightmare...

My computer had been left on overnight, with my emails open. No doubt it was a well-meaning colleague who was checking my emails while I was off (although I had told her there was no need...), but it's still frustrating.

My post its have gone. Only a little thing, but, in fact, they're post its that I brought in. I know, it's not a biggy, but they're MINE and someone has seen fit to take them from my desk - nothing is sacred! Now I think about it, though, my pencil's gone, too...

The office is a mess. It was the first thing I noticed this morning, so would definitely be the first thing a visitor noticed. It's disgusting.

Why is it that I seem to work with a bunch of children, who aren't capable of tidying up after themselves!?


A couple of little pricks...

Mr B and I had our injections ready for Kenya today. We took the day off, because we had to go to two ifferent surgeries - ours doesn't do Yellow Fever... Anyway, the first one was at 8.10 this morning, and it made me feel really, really ill. I really thought I was going to pass out, or throw up and choke on my own vomit or something. And that was just hep A and Thyphoid!! Everyone had made "urgh" noises when I mentioned having to have Yellow Fever. In fact, the Yellow Fever one was fine (although expensive!!).

Anyway, I've also been busy making more cards. In fact, I ended up doing some Christmas cards last night (I know, it's months away, but at least I've got a head start!)

I thought I'd post a few pictures of what I've been doing the past few days.

Not a great picture, but these are the grape & lemonade candle holders I did for dinner on Saturday.

Some of the Christmas Cards I've made...

The Mothers Day Cards that I made (and sold!)

Anyway, enough of this messy post / boredom.

Happy Tuesday...!


Hunger Strikes!

I am so incredibly hungry today!

I don't really know what's come over me.

I had my usual breakfast (2 slices toast with Marmite) and soup for my lunch. I usually have an apple mid-morning and one mid afternoon, just to tide me over.

Today, I've eaten FIVE apples!! Can you believe that. No joke, I'm pretty sure I could eat my own arm cos I'm so hungry today.

On the plus side, I haven't eaten rubbish, I have eaten healthily at least!

I think it's because I had an upset stomach last night before bed, so I was totally "empty" when I got up this morning.

Finger's crossed it'll be better once I've had my dinner!!!


And, Relax!

Well, the weekend's almost over, and it's been another busy one.

I unexpectedly ended up going shopping yesterday morning, for an important meeting that I have on Tuesday. Ideally, I could do with a suit. It was a nightmare. Apparently, fat people don't need to look smart. The only place I could find a jacket was in Evans, but it was disgusting. It had absolutely no shape to it, and did me no favours. Plus, it just didn't feel comfortable.
So, after a bit of a strop, and a few tears, I ended up coming home. I raided my wardrobe a bit, and managed to find something that is smart, and I feel comfortable in, so that was good. Poor Mr B, though - I'm not good at shopping, especially when I'm shopping with a purpose and can't find something that I want!

We were entertaining a friend last night - I cooked a lasagne, and threw together a really nice salad with homemade dressing. The friend in question has recently divorced from her husband of 15 years, so althought it wasn't a hugely raucous evening, I think she enjoyed being out of the house, child free, and with some grown ups for the evening.

I was on a work event just before Christmas, and the hotel had used fresh fruit in champagne glasses with fizzy water as table centres. I decided to steal their idea, and threw some grapes in a glass with some lemonade and a candle. It worked really well, and was a bit of a talking point, too. I'll post some pics when I remember!

I spent today cooking some healthy meals for later in the week, too - jambalaya, paella, macaroni and chicken soup all bagged up and in the freezer. People will mock that I'm so organised, but it saves me having to cook when I get home from work and also saves me from eating unhealthily.


TGI Friday!

I'm so glad it's Friday! Mr B and I have another busy weekend coming up - we're entertaining friends tomorrow evening, which I'm quite looking forward to. One of my friends bought me a Dinner Party Diary for my birthday, and I'm very much looking forward to using that. It allows you to write down who came over, why, what you ate for each course, what wine you drank, and any other pertinent points, so that when they come next time, you don't repeat the same menu. It will prove invaluable to me, as I seem to roll out the same easy (but delicious!) menu every time someone comes round, and I don't want people thinking I can only cook one meal...

The visit to the Docs went really well yesterday. She's dropped my antidepressants to 10mg every other day, which is great. I reckon I'll be off them by the time I go on honeymoon. Woohoo! She also didn't weigh me yesterday (total result, as I was dreading that!) because she said I looked like I'd lost weight and toned up, so there was no point in weighing me. I had mentioned that I'd weighed at home and hadn't seen much change, so I think I got away with that a bit!

I felt absolutely drained when I got home, and had to have a little snooze. I often find that I'm so tired, my energy just isn't enough to do anything, but a 20 minute / half an hour power nap really does give me a whole new lease of life! I think it's one of the perks of PCOS... Anyway, whilst I was laid in bed, I got to thinking about how very lucky I am to have Mr B. He's so supportive and loving, and puts up with me and all my crap.
I don't drive, so rely on him for the majority of my transportation (although I'm also v independent, so will do public transport where I can. But, he tends to take time out to take me places - like the doctors last night, where he waited for me for nearly an hour.).
He lets me snooze when I need to.
He understands if I want to have a good cry,for no particular reason.
He does the washing, and hoovers, because he knows I hate both those things.
He loves me, for who I am, despite all the bad bits.

I know it's what a marriage should be like, but sometimes it just hits me that I'm very lucky to have found it, and at a young age, too. Although we only got married 4 months ago, we've been together for 9 years this year, and I've been very happy for all of them.

I love you, Mr B.



I've done it! The doofah isn't affecting the whatsit any more.


Now to do something "productive". I've been at my desk over an hour and not done anything, yet!! Oops!




How frustrating!

I've been playing around over the last couple of days with the layout of my blog (mainly thanks to my Foxy friend, who has a new blog herself!) but I can't get it quite right...

The logo of the site where I got the background from is overlaying the title of my blog entry. It's a bit frustrating, cos I really like the spotty pink background... I'll keep trying - bear with me while I make some changes though - things might look a bit weird for a while!

Right, grub's up.

Laters Taters! x

Another day, another worry!

Well, I'm back at the doctors again tomorrow.

It doesn't seem like 5 minutes since I was panicing about going last time, and I'm off their again tomorrow to catch up again. I don't think my weight will have gone down at all, so she'll probably tell me off about that, but I'm not sure that I care at the moment.

I feel a bit... bllttthhh about it all, really! But I know I really need to get my ass in gear, so maybe I need her to tell me off, so that I start doing what I know I need to do.

On the plus side, my delivery of goodies for card making arrived today, which is very exciting. I can't wait to get home and start "making". I think I'm going to try and make some Christmas cards (I know, I know, I'm really early!), but I thought I'd give them a go and see what happens.

Oh, and a funny quote from the office today:
D: She always gets your name wrong. I don't understand, it's not like it's a difficult name like "hippopotumus" or something...
This was said with in absolute seriousness. Amazing.



Here are a few of the cards that I've made over the last few days.

I think the last one's my favourite.

One of my colleagues has had one of them for his mum for Mother's Day at the weekend.



Is it such a difficult thing to have a bit of consideration for other people!?

Today has been a nightmare - I've been pulled from pillar to post, and now (just before 5pm) I find that I've been deadlined because one of my directors has told a pretty big client of ours that I'll have something done by Friday.

Without consulting me first.

Without asking what my workload's like.

Without finding out if I mind.

Would that have been such a difficult thing to do!?

I want to scream, but can't. Fricking frickers!




Well, I've been thinking a lot over the last few days about to whether to take my doctor up on her offer of prescribing me Orlistat.

On the one hand, it would be great to have the little "boost". On the other hand, I'm quite stubborn, and almost see it as cheating. I want to lose the weight on my own!!

But, that's not happening - it seems no matter how hard I try, I regularly fall off the wagon and struggle to stick to it.

I was also supposed to start back at the gym yesterday, and failed spectacularly at that, too. I'm already out of the house for 11 hours a day, and I'm shattered by the time I get home from work, so the chances of me going to the gym for an hour in the evening are slim, at best!

The frustrating thing is that I spend time every other weekend cooking and freezing meals so that we have healthy, quick meals ready to go when we get home from work, but at least once a week we'll decide that we don't fancy what's waiting for us, and stop at the supermarket to get something else. It's ALWAYS unhealthy, and it ALWAYS costs us money that we can't afford to spend, but we're both as bad as each other, and really should do better!

I chatted to Mr B about it all last night - Orlistat, the diet, the gym - all of it.
The decisions we made were:
* I won't have Orlistat for another month, will stick to my diet, and will exercise more
* We won't stop at the supermarket, unless it is an emergency (chocolate does not an emergency make!)
* We WILL eat the food that I've already cooked, no matter how boring and repetitive the meals are!
* I will start going to the gym again, even if it's only an hour on Saturday and Sunday. I'm paying for it, and can't really afford to be spending money shopping, so may as well spend some time there on a Saturday!
* I will start using the wii fit in the evenings. Even if it's only 15 minutes on Just Dance, in competition with Mr B, it's better than sitting on my arse doing nothing!
* Mr B will be strict / tell me off when I start being a horror!

I'm not going to lose weight without making some serious changes, so I'm making them!
As from this morning, when I had home-made muesli-type stuff for my breakfast.




Guilty secret

Well today's been a really relaxed, chilled out day.

Mr B and I went out with our friends last night, and it was really nice - we had a few drinks, and I felt a bit... delicate this morning.

I've spent a lot of the day in front of the TV (I have ironed and crafted...) watching One Tree Hill. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine - I know I should be doing something more... worthwhile with my time, but I get totally absorbed in it.

I'm pretty sure that I'm about 10 years older than their target audience, but never mind - I enjoy it anyway!



Sooo Sleepy!

I am SO glad that it's Friday! This week seems to have gone on forever.
I'm not sure whether it's because we didn't really do anything last weekend, or what, but it really seems like it's dragged, and I'm absolutely shattered today. I could actually fall asleep at my desk!

On the plus side, I feel like I'm making good headway with my goals. Last night, I organised some of my craft stuff (although there's still a bit to go!) and made a card. It is by no means the best card I've ever made, and in fact I probably won't be able to use it, because it's a little bit scruffy, but it was nice to dip my toe in again! I can't wait for all the stuff I ordered to arrive so I can really get going. Hopefully, that will turn up today and I can get a bit crafty over the weekend.

I've also been really good with the diet. I haven't been to the gym yet, but the plan is to go on Sunday morning. It's always quieter on a Sunday, and it'll break me in nicely, I think! Once I've been once, I'm hoping I'll get the bug again and then I'll be there as much as possible. Well, a girl can dream...

AND THEN! I sent some enquiries off for driving schools. I haven't heard back from them yet, and I really need to chase them, but it's a positive step anyway. I'm really itching to get back behind the wheel again - maybe this will be my time? Maybe not, who knows?!

I'm really looking forward to the weekend - it's the start of a really busy month of weekends for us, but I'm really looking forward to it. (And it helps with the "being social" goal, too). We've got some bits and bobs to do tomorrow, and then we're out with some friends tomorrow evening. Sunday, I'll go to the gym, do the ironing, cook my dinners for next week, and hopefully make some cards. Wow, Sunday's really busy, isn't it!? Maybe I'll switch some of that to Saturday...

Anyway, enough of my waffle!

Catcha later!


Music that makes me feel good....

I've been home alone this evening as Mr B has been out with work, so I thought I'd use the time to catch up on a bit of naff TV that he doesn't like and download some music from iTunes. I got an iTunes voucher for my birthday.

I love music, and I love my iPod. I often use it at work, when I need to concentrate, and also at the gym, on the bus, when I'm cooking, when I'm ironing...all the time, really!

My music taste is quite eclectic, but would by no means be described as cool.

Anyway, I thought I'd put together a playlist of songs that make me feel good. Songs that make me smile. Songs that remind me of different things.

My playlist includes:
You had me from hello, Bon Jovi (our first dance)
Don't stop me now, Queen (it was the last song at our wedding)
The Time of my Life, from the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack. (My hen's and I did a dance to that on the hen do!)
I love rock and roll, Joan Jett (I just love it!)
Like a Prayer, Madonna (if I have to do karaoke, it's my song of choice!)

I can't wait to listen to my new pplaylist!

Oh, and another thing I did this evening was buy a whole load of "stock" for my craft goal for the year.
And, all being well, I'll be going to the gym tomorrow! Phew.
I've been bitten by that bug!

This is it!

And that is no reference whatsoever to Wacko Jacko. (That's a whole different post, and my thoughts on him are probably not relevant, anyway!).

Today is the first full day of my 27th year, and I'm determined to start it on a high!

I had a big of a kick up the ass last night on the weight front, too, which was precisely what I needed! I love my wedding dress. It's the most expensive and important item of clothing that I own. If I could, I'd wear it all the time (I'd probably wear it to work at least once a week if I could, but it's a bit difficult to wee when I'm wearing it, and I'm not sure any of my colleagues would be prepared to help me out by holding it above my head while I pee'd!!). Anyway, Mr B thinks that I'm a bit silly to want to wear it all the time, and at Christnas, told me I couldn't wear it again until my birthday.

That was yesterday!

So, I got all excited and went to put it on ready to settle down on the sofa to watch Wall-E (which, as an aside, is a great film. If you haven't seen it, do. If you did - am I the only one that nearly cried?! At a KIDS FILM!!?!?). Anyway, I put the dress on and asked Mr B to zip me in. He couldn't. It wouldn't go. By a lot. There was about 3 inches of bare skin where the zip should've been done up.

I was devastated. Now, I'm not delusional, I didn't expect the dress to fit me forever. But we only got married FOUR MONTHS AGO! How can I have done that?! How have I managed to put on so much weight that my lovely, delicious dress doesn't fit any more!?

So, I had a little cry. Big, self indulgent sobs, to be precise. And then I shouted at myself. In my head, obviously.

I have two months until we go on our official honey moon, and that dress will fit me before I go. And then, 6 months after that, it will be too big. Just because I'm married, doesn't mean that the wedding dress couldn't and shouldn't be my aim.

I will do it! xx

On a different note, but still relating to my goals for this year, I thought of another:

6. Be more Crafty.
I love making things - cards, painted plant pots, sewing, painted glasses - I just don't do it. There always seems to be something else that needs doing. I also get a bit put off by the fact that I'm not really all that good. But I enjoy it, and I find it relaxing, so I'm going to start. I might even make my own Christmas cards and presents this year... I don't know. We'll see!


It's my birthday, and I'll cry if I want to...

... but I don't want to!!

I was really traumatised about turning 26, but in fact, I've decided that instead of moping, I'm going to use it as a bit of a "new year" for me, and make a list of things that I would like to achieve / do before I turn 27. So, here goes (in no particular order):

1. Learn to drive.
I've had lessons (and tests!) before, but haven't actually got as far as passing the test and getting my independance. I'm gonna do it!

2. Lose weight.
I know what I need to do, I know why I need to do it, and I know how to do it - I need to stop making excuses, and just bloody do it!

3. Be more social.
This was also our New Year's Resolution, and so far, so good. In fact, we haven't got a free weekend now until Easter, so I want to continue with that.

4. Save money!
Thanks to the wedding, and honeymoon, and all the expense that goes with it, I haven't really been able to save much money of late - I'd like to be able to start again. Money's something that I really stress over, and I like having some stashed away "for a rainy day".

5. Spend more time with my family.
I worry quite a lot about my dad and his health - there's nothing actually wrong with him, he just strongly resembles a walking heart attack! - and know I should spend more time with him, just in case. However, whenever I spend time with him, I'm reminded of why I don't spend time with him, so it's a bit of a vicious circle, really! I should get over it, and just spend more time with him!

So, it's not many, but there are enough to keep me going (but not too many for me to feel like it's unachieveable! I'll keep you posted with how I get on.