Weekly Weigh in...

Today's weigh in yielded a...


I'm now one stone 4lbs lighter than I was at the beginning of my mission to lose weight.

I also measured myself last night and found that I've lost 11" in the past three months!! Three and a half of those were from my waist!

This week, I managed to go to the gym AND aerobics, so I'm sure that's helped the cause, too.

I'm so pleased to be back on track with it all.

Yay me!


I can't keep doing it...

I always thought that I would do whatever I needed to do to earn money (well, within reason, obviously).

If it meant that I worked in a supermarket stacking shelves in order for us to have enough money to pay the mortgage, that's what I'd do.

When I gave up my job in December, I didn't know what I wanted to do next.

I didn't know what sort of job I wanted, I just knew that I didn't want to be doing what I was doing anymore, and I certainly didn't want to be doing it in London. I'd been there for five and a half years, had gone as far as I was going to go, and couldn't see a clear line of progression for me.

I started my new job in February. The agency that I got the job through told me it would be a varied, busy role, with lots of contact with regular customers. A customer service role, but with a bit of selling involved, too. On the phone, chatting to people, building relationships.

The agency lied.

The job isn't customer service, and there sure as hell isn't ANY selling involved. It's a data entry job. It's a mindless job. It's a school leavers job. I hardly ever speak to anyone. If I do, it's to ask them to resend their fax because it hasn't come through properly.

That said, the money is good, and the perks are amazing. But there's no responsibility, and I know that when I leave at 4.45 every evening, I won't think about or stress over anything. Hell, I hardly think or stress over anything while I'm there, so I'm definitely not going to do it when I'm at home!

The trouble is, I don't care enough. I don't care if the order has been fulfilled properly. I don't care if the delivery has arrived, and whether the stock that's delivered is the right stuff or not.

So now I'm thinking that I need to change jobs. Again.

But I don't know what to.

The difficulty is that most people make their career choices when they're between 16 and 18. I had no idea what I wanted to do at that age. I hardly have any idea what I want to do now, if I'm honest! Mr B, on the other hand, knew he wanted to be an accountant. So, he left school, got a job at an accountancy firm, studied for his exams and has been really successful at what he does. He's been doing it for over 20 years. He enjoys it. He has a career.

I never made a career choice at that age. I think that some of that comes from the fact that I was diagnosed with PCOS at the same sort of time. From the point of diagnosis (or more accurately, from the point of being told that I might never have children) my sole ambition has been to be a mummy. Everything else - work, social life, everything - was all just a stop gap between then and me getting pregnant.

So I didn't go to university. I didn't specialise in any particular sort of job. I've worked in a shop, a post room, in telesales for a newspaper, as an office manager for a team building company, and now as a customer service exec data entry clerk.

I don't even know what my magic wand job would be.

But I do know:  
  • I want to be challenged
  • I want what I do to matter
  • I want to deal with PEOPLE, not faxes and emails (although I happy to have a telephone between me and said people!)
  • I want to use my brain
  • I want progression - I'd like to end up managing people - helping other people achieve what they want to achieve makes me feel happy
Any ideas what I should do?!


The Joys of PCOS

One of the actual joys of PCOS is the Verity Website, particularly the discussion boards.

The boards are full of lots of lovely ladies who all suffer with have PCOS.

Through speaking with them online and asking questions, I've learnt that I'm not the only one.

I'm not the only one who struggles every times someone else announces their pregnancy.

I'm not the only one that struggles to resist all those beautiful carbs (Is there anything better in this world than fresh white bread?! I doubt it).

I'm not the only one whose moods swing from high to low.

I've used the Verity website for help, support, friendship and laughter a lot over the past few years.

They are truly inspirational women.

If I need someone to keep me on track with my diet, there's someone there to help me.

If I need someone to tell me that I will one day be a mummy, there's someone there to tell me that.

Or, if I need some ideas for a fancy dress party, there's LOTS of people to help with that, too!

The boards, and the women on them, really are a joy of PCOS.


This Beautiful Life...

I'm not someone that really enjoys shopping.

The thought of a Saturday afternoon traipsing around the shops just doesn't appeal to me. For me, shopping is best done from the comfort of my own living room, with a cuppa and a computer.

Having said that, there is something totally satisfying about a good bargain. A good bargain is about the only thing that makes a shopping spree for me.

And yesterday, I had a couple of great bargains.

I got this jacket in the Next Sale.

I've been looking for a summer-weight coat / jacket for a while, and this one was in the sale and just seemed to be calling my name.

It was £60 before the sale, and £30 in the sale. BUT I had a £20 voucher left over from my birthday (in March!) so I only actually had to pay £10 for it.

I also got a long black skirt for work. I HATE paying full price for anything for work clothes, so it was a result that I managed to get a skirt for £12, instead of £25.



Rules for Fulfilment

I've juest read this article about Paul Flanagan, a man who found out he was terminally ill and, before his death, set everything in order for his wife and two small children.

His wife recently found this list that he had written for his children. Seems to me, that his riles for finding fulfilment are relavent for everyone, not just his children.


Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.

Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.

Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.


Weekly Weigh In

I had a week off the diet last week, so it's been two weeks sinced I weighed "officially" and I


Which was about what I was hoping for.

That said, I did a sneaky unofficial weigh in last Thursday and I'd gained 3lbs on Thursday morning. I then ate and drank an incredible amoung on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, so I'm pretty sure I'd gained at least another 3lbs between Thursday morning and Monday morning.

So to have stayed the same when I weighed in this morning was pretty impressive, because I lost at least 3lbs.

Go me!


To do list - Update

Last year, I wrote a to do list.

It's not something I've really looked at for a while, although all of the things on it have remained in my head and a focus of mine.

AND I've just started with another one of my list, too...

I just booked a driving lesson for a week on Saturday!

I haven't had a lesson for a good couple of years, so I'm pretty nervous (already!!) but I've booked with a lady instructor who, on the phone, seems really nice.

I'm going to try and book lessons with another two instructors, too, because I'm going to spensd a lot of time and money with them, and I need to know that I get on with them.

Not like the last instructor I had, who was a complete loser.

My aim is to have this driving thing nailed before the end of the year.

I told myself at the beginning of the year that 2011 was going to be MY year, and so far, so good. I've stopped smoking (almost 8 months now, don'tcha know!), started losing weight, started exercising again AND booked a driving lesson.

I just need a BFP to round it all off, now...

I'll keep you posted (and perhaps update my to do list, too!)


They're everywhere...

I'm obviously talking about babies.

It seems that, at the moment, they're everywhere.

I have three friends on Face.Book that have just had their second baby and two others that have just announced their pregnancies.

A guy at work is expecting his first baby, and another woman is due to become a grandmother at the end of the year. And I'm pretty sure that one of the other women at work is pregnant, too. Which means I've got the joys of her ever-growing bump and pregnancy symptoms for the next few months.

I sound really bitter and twisted, don't I?

I'm not. I am genuinely happy for every single one of them and the little miracles they have created.

I'm just impatient for my own little miracle.


The Joys of PCOS - Part 2

Here goes with continuing my quest into explaining The Joys of PCOS.

Two of the symptoms of PCOS are irregular periods, or a complete lack of periods and irregular ovulation, or no ovulation at all. I could explain the joys of both of those seperately, but I guess it's just as easy to cover both in one post!

I started my periods at 11. They were irregular, heavy and painful, but we put that down to my body just getting used to what goes on once a month (or whenever!). But, when things didn't change, the doctors put me on the pill at 13 (it's fair to say they're fricking genius'. Not. Idiots more like...)

The pill seemed to do the trick - my periods became more regular, less painful and generally more manageable, until I had to come off of the pill at 16 due to migraines. (Yeah, that's right. The doctor kept prescribing the pill to a 13/14/15/16 year old as a way of controlling her periods. Crazy-ness!).

It turns out that all the pill had done was cover and disguise all of my underlying PCOS symptoms. Once I stopped taking it, my weight ballooned, and my periods wents MENTAL. I never knew what was going on. I could bleed for 13 days, stop for 2, and then start over again.

As my weight has increased over the years, my periods have become more and more infrequent. I went back on to a different pill as a contraceptive when things got serious with Mr B, and we bumbled along for a while like that - never quite knowing when (or if!) my next period would arrive. (The longest I went without was 2 years. When I mentioned it to the doctor, he informed me that I wasn't "filling up with blood", and that "a lot of women would be grateful for a lack of periods". And we're back to the doctors being geniusses again...!)

I stopped taking the pill for the last time in November 2008, 12 months before our wedding, because I knew we wanted to start TTC once we were Mr and Mrs. In the 12 months leading up to the wedding I lost some weight, and I finally got some sort of cycle.

In May of 2010, I started temping and charting to try and understand whether I was ovulating. That, it seems, is pretty hit and miss, too. Some months I do, some months I don't. Some months I ovulate but don't bleed, some months I don't ovulate but bleed, and some months nothing at all happens.

I've got to be honest, before I was diagnosed, I never thought making a baby would involve thermometers, cervical fluid (two words I never thought would be in my vocabulary, to be honest), and ovulation kits. The stork rocking up with a baby seems like a much better way to do this thing!

I'm currently 69 days into a cycle that doesn't seem to have any sign of ovulation so far. Awesome.

It's frustrating, never knowing when or if Aunt Flo is going to show up. On the flip side, my friends always know they can rely on me if they're caught out!

Mr B and I have been *officially* trying for a Baby B for just over 12 months, and it would be great to say that I understand my body now.

I understand it more, but certainly not totally.

Maybe I never will?

Love and Kisses

When we got married, Mr B bought me a Tiffany Charm Bracelet as a wedding present. The theory was that, every anniversary (and at other special occassions. Y'know, babies and that), he would buy me a new charm for the bracelet.

The idea was that only Mr B would buy me charms for the bracelet. It would be "our thing".

But, when my Nanna died she left me some money, and I wanted to buy something with some of the money to remember her by. The only thing I could think of was a charm for my bracelet. Because it's different - insomuch as it's from my Nanna, and not Mr B - it's rose gold, instead of silver which is what Mr B will buy.

So, on Friday (8 months after our first wedding anniversary!) Mr B and I went to Tiffany's and bought my anniversary charm, and a charm from my Nanna.

It's going to be three weeks until I get the bracelet back, but I can't wait!

From Mr B

From My Nanna


Weekly Weigh In

I didn't weigh in this week.

I knew it was going to be a tough week - I only ate at home one evening! - so decided to have a holiday week rather than stress myself out with a big gain.

I'm back on the wagon today, though.


That Friday Feeling!

Today is, kinda, my Friday.

I'm off work on Thursday and Friday, spending time with the wonderful Mr B.

He's been off all week, and I gotta be honest, it's been pretty rubbish getting up and coming to work while he's stayed tucked up in bed.

But tomorrow, I can turn off the alarm and stay snuggled in bed with him.

I can't wait!!


The Joys of PCOS - Part 1

I realised that, considering I started this blog primarily about PCOS, but haven't really blogged about it for a while.

So, I thought I'd share a bit about the Joys of PCOS* - the symptoms I suffer, and how they affect me. Not everybody with PCOS suffers the same symptoms, and I'm sure that every woman deals with their symptoms differently, so this really is all about me and how I deal with what I'm dealt with!

For my first Joys of PCOS post, I thought I'd explain (sort of!) what PCOS is.

This is the definition from Verity, the UK's leading PCOS charity:

Polycystic ovary syndrome is the name given to a condition in which women with polycystic ovaries also have one or more additional symptoms. It was first ‘discovered’ in 1935 by Doctors Stein and Leventhal, so for many years it was known as the Stein-Leventhal syndrome.

The term polycystic ovaries describes ovaries that contain many small cysts (about twice as many as in normal ovaries), usually no bigger than 8 millimetres each, located just below the surface of the ovaries. These cysts are egg-containing follicles that have not developed properly due to a number of hormonal abnormalities.

Polycystic ovaries (PCO) are very common, affecting around 20 per cent of women. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is also very common, affecting 5–10 per cent of women.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS):
  • affects millions of women in the UK and worldwide
  • runs in families
  • is one of the leading causes of fertility problems in women
  • if not properly managed, can lead to additional health problems in later life
  • can affect a woman’s appearance and self-esteem.
Although PCOS is treatable, it cannot be cured.

Symptoms can include:
  • irregular periods, or a complete lack of periods
  • irregular ovulation, or no ovulation at all
  • reduced fertility – difficulty becoming pregnant, recurrent miscarriage
  • unwanted facial or body hair (hirsutism)
  • oily skin, acne
  • thinning hair or hair loss from the scalp (alopecia)
  • weight problems – being overweight, rapid weight gain, difficulty losing weight
  • depression and mood changes.
Everytime I read the list of PCOS symptoms, I mentally put a tick by each of them. But the joys of PCOS isn't just about the symptoms either, as will become clear!

My periods started when I was 11, and were always pretty erratic. Initially, my mum and I put it down to my body getting used to all the hormones racing around. But then they got worse, and by 13 I was on the pill to try and control them. Eventually, when I stopped taking the pill due to migraines, everything went to pot! It was as if the pill had been suppressing all of the symptoms and they suddenly went wild!

After a little bit of internet research and a lot of to-ing and fro-ing with the doctors, I was eventually diagnosed with PCOS in 2001, when I was 17.

A very basic overview of my history with PCOS, but more will become clear as I discover The Joys of PCOS!

* I'm using joys in a totally ironic / sarcastic way. There's not much that's joyful about it, to be honest!

Weekly weigh in...

Well, this week's weigh in brought about a



Bit disappointed, but it's better than a gain.

It does mean, however, that I'm now 5lbs behind where I want to be. To get it back, I need to lose 12lbs over the next four weeks.

It sounds a lot, but it's actually only 3lbs a week.

And, last night I lost my Zumba-ginity. I really enjoyed it, but I'm not sure if I'll go back because it wasn't quite what I expected. That said, I'm not entirely sure what I did expect...

BUT, on the plus side, it did give me the exercise buzz that I've been missing, and has totally encouraged me to get back on the exercise train that I got off of about 6 months ago.

If I can now start exercising - gym / aerobics / Zumba / whatever - I'm pretty sure that I can achieve the 12lbs in 4 weeks that I need to do.

My next target after that is my holiday in 11 weeks, and I hope to lose 21lbs (a stone and a half) before then.

I'm on it, like a car bonnet!


Another award!

Thanks to Helen at Raindrops and Roses for another lovely award.

In return, I have to share 7 things about me, and direct you to 15 other blogs, so here goes...

1. I love to read and always have at least one book on the go.

2. My bed is one of my favourite places to be. Particularly if Mr B is there with me.

3. I have to sleep for at least 8 hours a night, otherwise I get grumpy.  

4. I speak to my mum every day. And if I don't, it makes me sad.

5. I really want a dog, but I'm not allowed one.

6. If I won the lottery, the first thing I'd buy would be an amazing holiday for Mr B and I.

7. I love the smell of rain after a really hot day.

And now for the blogs that I love to read.. I don't think I actually have 15 that I read regularly, so instead let me point you to one of the most useful I read:

This Beautiful Life

Live Music

Last week music was my thing to be grateful for, but I went to a concert last night, and that just reminded me how great live music is.

I love everything about it - the atmosphere, the people - even the queues.

I've been lucky enough to see a whole host of my favourite groups live, including Take That, Nickelback and Bon Jovi...


Weekly Weigh in...

I weighed in this week and


It means I've now lost 1st 2lbs in 11 weeks. I am still behind where I need to be for my 4stone by 2012, but if I lose 5lbs this week I'll be back on track...!