Month One Weigh In

I'm a month in to my 6 month challenge to lose 3 stone before my 30th birthday and I had my first weigh in this morning.

In theory, I need to lose 7lb a month in order to hit my target. In reality, losing anything is a bonus.

So this month, I've lost 4lb.

It's not the best start, but it's not the worst, either. I haven't really been all that good, and I can DEFINITELY exercise more, but it's a loss all the same.

Starting weight (2nd September): 20 stone 2lb
1st month weigh in (2nd October): 19 stone 12lb
Total loss: 4lb
Goal weight (@ 2nd March): 17 stone 2lb

6 months, 3 stone

So, in 6 months from today,  it will be March 2nd.

That's my birthday. 

To be more precise,  that's my 30th birthday. 

It's fair to say that my life isn't where i envisaged it would be by the time I was 30, but frankly,  it's not worth worrying about.  I have a roof over my head, money in the bank (and a job to help keep it there), my health and a man who loves me.

But, I am trying to think of my 30th as a turning point. A bit like my wedding, I guess.

And with 6 months to go, I am aiming to lose 3 stone. 

Half a stone a month.  Doesn't seem to hard in theory, but considering I've been quite good for the past month but managed to GAIN that amount, it might be more difficult than I'd like. 

I'm only going to weigh every couple of weeks or so, and will try to report back!

Starting weight (something I've never disclosed on here!): 20 stone 2lb
Goal weight (@ 2nd March): 17 stone 2lb

Get into the Groove

Howdy

It's been quite difficult, since Christmas, to get into a groove of eating and exercising. Because of the snow, Weight Watchers was cancelled, and it was difficult to get to the gym as often as we'd have liked.

Weight Watchers was back in full swing this week, though. Unfortunately, I gained half a pound. In the grand scheme of things (considering I'd been left to my own devices for 3 weeks) that wasn't too bad. However, in 6 weeks I've only lost 2.5lbs over all, which isn't great. Actually, it's pretty appalling and not really motivational when I'm supposed to be on a mission.

I spoke to the group leader on Monday about what I'm eating, and it turns out that I might not be eating enough.

Then, on Tuesday, when I was speaking to my personal trainer, she's suggested that I'm probably not exercising enough, either, and I should look at WHAT I'm eating, to see if that's a factor.

I already know that bread makes me bloat. A lot. In an ideal world, I'd cut it out altogether, but it's all too easy to grab a sandwich for lunch or toast for breakfast.

My plan for the next couple of weeks is to:
* Eat more Pro Points
* Get into an exercise routine
* Make a conscious effort not to eat bread. As much.

I'm hoping that will have an impact on my weightloss... finger's crossed! x

Frustrating!

So it's been snowing this week.

It looks pretty and everything, but it turns everything into such a MISSION. I hate it. On Friday, I left work at 10.50 and walked in the door at 1.15. It's usually a 25 minute journey in bad traffic. Joy.

The other frustrating thing is that, last Monday, my Weight Watchers meeting was cancelled due to 'elf n safety. And, with the snow still coming down now, I can't help thinking that tomorrow's meeting will be cancelled too.

I find it really difficult to stick to plan when I don't weigh in. It's as if I think I can reel it back in BEFORE next week.
I've tried to be good this week,I've stuck to plan, and I've exercised more, but...

I did a sneaky weigh this morning, and it suggested that I've gained a pound. Having looked back through my food diary, I actually don't think I've eaten enough. That, in itself, confuses me. I've eaten three meals a day, and snacked. I've not been hungry, but I'm well under my daily allowances. If I ate more, I'd be eating just for the sake of it.

Grr!

Determined!

So I've made a start this week with kicking the fatness' ass and proving the consultant wrong!
We went to the gym on Sunday - the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, I only managed about half an hour, which I think is mainly due to not being 100% over the sickness bug yet.
Weight watchers was cancelled last night because of the snow, but a home weigh in revealed a 2lb loss!
And tonight I saw my personal trainer for the first time this year. I loved it! And she bought me the slow cooker recipe book, which I'm super excited about.

Time Flies...

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post.

I have been checking in and reading up, but not really in the blogging mindset.

I started to find that the more I thought and wrote about TTC, the more obsessed I became and that then turned into a vicious downward spiral of doom.

Needless to say, we're not really any further on with our journey, but we do go back and see the specialist early in the new year (in 8 days, in fact).

If anyone can help me lose 2 stone in just over a week, that would be great...

In the meantime, have a lovely New Year, and here's hoping 2013 brings lots of lovely adventures for everyone.

I'll be back soon, I'm sure... !!

Super quick

I know its been an age since I posted. I was getting good, too!

I sort of got myself into a bit of a funk, so I've been hibernating a bit.

The weight isn't coming off in quite the way I'd hoped, but the exercise is meaning that my shape is changing. When my trainer measured me a week ago, I had lost a total of 19 centimeters - 12 of those from around my waist, which is both awesome and very encouraging.

Frustratingly, the way my clothes fit isn't what the Dr is looking at...

I'm back for a re-do of my hsg in a week - they refused to do it at my last appointment, but that's a whole new post - and its only 9 week to my follow up. I'm not hopeful.

Anyway, out with Mr B this evening for dinner, so must go beautify!

Personal Trainer - Tuesday 17th July

After my week of realisation, panic and feeling the pressure about the task ahead of me, I looked into a few more drastic measures to help me along my weightloss way.
I spent a bit of time researching LighterLife and the Cambridge Diet.

I knew they weren't sensible diets or a long term thing, but I thought that maybe for a quick fix and to ease the pressure I'd be able to do it.

After looking at them in a bit more detail I realised that no, I wouldn't be able to do it. And, more importantly, I didn't want to.

Getting all my energy and nutrients without actually chewing food just doesn't sit right with me. I wouldn't have teeth if it was ok not to chew...

So, I started toying with the idea of getting a personal trainer. I figured that an hour a week would not only be better for me than one of those diets, but it'd be cheaper too. And what harm would it do?!

I asked one of the girls at work whether she knew anyone (she's a fitness instructor, too) and she told me about her recently qualified friend, Louise.

Not only is she recently qualified, she's recently lost nearly SEVEN STONE!

One of the BEFORE and AFTER photos from her Facebook page

We chatted on the Friday night, and I liked her over the phone, but she rightly pointed out that we should meet in person to check we were both happy working together.

She came round on Tuesday for a consultation, which was basically talking about what I wanted to achieve, why and when by. We talked about my diet (I'm eating too much FRUIT!! Who'da thunk it!), and my current exercise regime.

She actually made me feel like it's possible for me to hit my 3 stone target in time for the hospital appointment in October.

I like that she not only knows what she's talking about, she's been there, too. She's not just some skinny minny who likes to exercise - she's worked bloody hard to get where she is and looks great for it.

Our first session is tonight. I can't wait!

Doctors - 13.07.12

After I chased the doctors about my referrals, I had a phone call from the receptionist.

"The doctor would like to see you about the letter she's received from the gyneacologist - can you make an appointment to come in?".

Part of me knew it was going to be a pointless appointment. I thought that she'd want to confirm that she'd sent the referral off to the dietician and see how I was feeling generally about going to the hospital.

I was partly right - it was pointless.

I was wrong to assume that she would've done ANYTHING about the referral.

It started off badly when, as I sat down, she said "So, what can I do for you today?".

I told her that I was there because I'd been told she wanted to see me about the letter she'd received.

So, she dutifully looked at the letter, muttered something about "dietician" and asked me where I wanted to go from here.

"Erm, well... the consultant said I'd be referred to a dietician...?"

"Yes," she said, "we could do that. Or you could have a 12 week referral to either Weight Watchers or Rosemary Conley. We could also look at Orlistat. And if none of that works, maybe we need to consider surgery".

To say I was confused by the direction the appointment was taking would be an understatement.
She proceeded to tell me that if I chose to see the dietician I would probably only see her once or twice.

I told her that I'd tried both Weight Watchers and Rosemary Conley before and had limited success, so maybe it would be worth me giving the dietician a try.

She asked me how losing weight was going, and when I told her it was something I've been trying to do for well, ever, she made a noise that suggested she didn't believe me.

I told her that I'd got an appointment with a personal trainer booked, and she looked at me as if she didn't believe me.

She then said "I think maybe you're complacent about dieting, and that's why you're not losing weight. I think you need to put some serious thought into weight loss surgery".

I asked if there was anything else she wanted to talk to me about, and she said no. I promptly left.

I was pretty fricking angry. So angry that I ended up crying.

WHY was weightloss surgery being offered so easily?

WHY was that my only option?

Surely it would be better - and cheaper - all round to offer me more support and guidance than an operation?

I'm now more determined than ever to do this myself - without medication OR surgery - so that I can stick two fingers up to the NHS and their "help".

So much going on!

I've got several posts that have been floating round my head for the past week, but I haven't had time to write them!

And, if I'm honest, I've been too emotionally close to them, too.

Now, with a week of distance, I'm going to write them. I'm obviously not posting them on the write days, but I am going to post them chronologically, so you'll have an idea of the timing and the rubbish-ness of what went on!!

On a brighter note, I weighed in this morning and I've lost 3 lbs!

Super pleased with that!!

And so it begins...

Weigh in

I stayed the same this week.

I'm a bit disappointed, but it's not the end of the world.

I'm meeting with a personal trainer this week and headed back to a Slimming World class on Wednesday so that should all help.

I have blogs I need to write-particularly about the rude lady in New Look (who won't get out of my head) and the doctors on Friday.

But until then, enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

4 week weigh in...

So today was weigh in day.

I gained a pound.

No real surprise.

Off to a BBQ tonight then a new week starts tomorrow. Feel much more positive this end of the week than I did last.

Happy Saturday!

3 Week Weigh In

I weighed in last week.

I stayed the same.

I was gutted.

So gutted, that I had a little cry last night. Big, fat tears. Sobbing till I couldn't catch my breath. So, in fact, more than a little cry.

I was having a bit of a "woe is me" evening. I felt like a failure. I felt that I was letting people down.

I felt the pressure.

I'm still feeling the pressure today, and don't really know how to handle it. It's starting to dawn on me just how big a challenge 3 stone is. I've never lost 3 stone before - what makes me think I can do it this time?

I know that having a baby is (and should be) the biggest motivation there is, but it's the same motivation I've had since I started dieting over 6 years ago and, as yet, I'm no thinner.

Mini Targets

3 stone. 4 months.

It feels like a pretty mammoth task.

It is a pretty mammoth task.

But, I'm going for it.

I've split it down into stone size chunks, and I know when I need to have done them by. I want to have lost my first stone by July 29th. That's 6 weeks from when I started.

Mr B has been awesome. We went for lunch after our appointment and had a lovely meal, then had a "naughty" supper in the evening. He's taken all sweets / chocolates / biscuits out of the house and is keeping them in the drawer at work, and he's been more supportive than ever.

We're going to the gym together. I'm going to the gym on my own.

Two weeks in, I've lost 6lbs.

I WILL DO THIS!!

And So It Begins

So, we left the appointment with a small (yet significant) spring in our step.

We got our next appointment for 4 months time.

I had my target - losing 6 BMI points (is that the right word? Are they points? If not, what the heck are they!?).

As we left the hospital, Mr B turned to me and said "So, how much weight is 6 BMI points, then?".

I looked at him, shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I've got no f*cking idea".

It didn't matter - all I knew was that I was going to try my hardest to lose it.

As it turns out, losing 3 stone would put my BMI at 39.8.

Losing 4 stone would put it at 37.4.

My aim is to lose 3 stone by October 23rd.

It's not going to be easy, but I am determined.

Hospital Update

So, yet again, I've not updated for a while.

Sorry about that.

Since I last updated, we've had our appointment at the hospital. It actually ended up being sooner than anticipated because the consultant pulled it forward by a week - giving me 2 days notice.

So, TheFear that was bubbling under suddenly hit boiling point and I went into a bit of a tail spin.

My biggest fear was that I'd be told to go away and not come back until I'd lost half my body weight. I also worried that I'd get little or no support and be no better off than I was 6 months ago.

What actually happened is that we left the appointment feeling quite positive.

We went through all the usual stuff  - how often do you have periods, how long have you been trying, when were you diagnosed. I quite liked that she knew most of the answers - she'd actually read my notes, rather than just carrying around the folder as a prop...

My weight did come up, in the "it must go down" sense, and that was no surprise. When she told me that I needed to lose weight, I asked her to give me some sort of target. I told her that telling me to lose weight wasn't going to work for me - I could come back in a week and have lost a pound, but we all knew that that wasn't what she meant. I also pointed out that, in the past 7 years, I've tried Slimming World, Rosemary Connely, Low GI, high protein, metabolic rate diets - you name it, I've tried it, and I'm still not really any better off.

She told me that if I were a "normal" person, she'd say that I wasn't trying hard enough but, as I have PCOS, she knows that I probably am trying really hard, and not getting anywhere.

That in itself was reassuring. I think that's the first time that a doctor has actually acknowledged that "must try harder" is not an appropriate response when I say I'm trying to lose weight!

She told me that I needed to have "shown progress" in my weight loss by my next appointment in 4-6 months time. In the meantime, she would refer me to a dietician and I could get some support from them. She is also sending me for an ultra sound as I've not had one since diagnosis in 2002, and a HSG to check my tubes.

It felt positive.

They did my BMI. It's 46. She set me a target of a BMI of 40 or lower before my next appointment.

"Shall we make your next appointment for 6 months time?" she said

"Nope," I replied, "I want it in 4. You've given me the target that I wanted, now I just need to get on with it".

Our follow up appointment is October 23rd

Why Can't I Just Do it!

I know what I need to do.

I know how to do it.

I know why I'm doing it.

So why can't I just do it!

Let me put it another way:

I know that I need to lose weight by following a sensible diet and exercising and that by doing it I'll be helping my PCOS symptoms and improving our chances of having a baby. So, why can't I just do it!!

I gave up smoking relatively easily. I consider myself an ex smoker - I haven't craved a cigarette in such a long time that I don't even remember what it was like to be one of those people that had to nip out for a smoke on a night out - I really don't.

So why can't I apply that same will power to losing weight. The end goal of losing weight is a much bigger (and better) one than the end goal of stopping smoking (which, at the time was to save money).

Maybe that's what the problem is.

Still.

What a Week!

It's fair to say that this week has been a bit of a mixed bag for us!

First, we had the decision about Mr B's job. I hadn't realised quite how stressed I was about it until he rang me to let me know that HE'S A KEEPER! To say I was relieved is an understatement! Although, as the day went on, I did find myself getting a little bit disappointed about it.
Mr B has worked for the same company for 23 years. He's comfortable there. He knows what he's doing and what's expected of him. He has no real desire to leave. However, it's over an hour's commute each way, every day. There are no real prospects for him - he's gone as far as he's going to go. And I just think he could do better. I think I'd secretly hoped that he'd be made redundant so that his hand was forced, and he had to move jobs.
Probably not the right attitude for me to have, though!

On Wednesday, AF arrived. She is fierce and angry this time. But, considering she's not visited since October, I suppose I should've been pleased to see her. Whilst also being bitterly disappointed, obviously!

Also on Wednesday, Mr B's SA appointment arrived. He has to make his deposit on the 29th February. The doctor that we saw in November said the results would take 3 weeks to come back, although I'm not sure I trust anything that she says anymore!
I am really pleased that the appointment has come through, although I do have a severe case of TheFear. I think it's a mixture of TheFear that he'll have a problem, along with TheFear that he won't. I've also got TheFear because my diet hasn't been going so great. (Actually, that's a lie - this week hasn't gone so great, but it doesn't really count because of AF. Right?).
I had hoped to see the inside of the gym this weekend, but that hasn't happened either!!

I had to put the car hunt on hold until we knew what was going on with Mr B's job, but my brother found a pretty good deal for me up in my hometown of Northampton - his mate's sister is selling a W reg Fiesta, which has FSH and all MOT certificates. It's 12 years old, but has only done 59000 miles!!! He did a test drive on it in the week and said I'd be stupid not to go for it. So, Mr B and I planned to go up there this weekend to see the car (and probably buy it), but then this happened:

Damn snow, ruining my plans.

10 for 2012

Instead of making New Year's resolutions, this year I've made a "to do" list - my 10 for 2012.

1. Think of 10 positive things a day
2. Write a gratitude diary
3. Go back to the gym
4. Lose Weight
5. Pass my driving test
6. Buy a car
7. Make a baby
8. Find a new / better job
9. Have a holiday with my mum
10. Meet up with all the friends that I keep telling "we must meet up soon" and never doing anything about it.

There's no order in which I want to achieve them, and in fact - I already have completely one.

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST ON MONDAY!!!!!

I was really chuffed with myself, and today we went car hunting.

Oh, and I lost 4lbs this week! Whoop!