Happy Thoughts

Way back in February of 2011, I went on an NLP course. It was an intense, emotional week and I learnt a lot about myself.

One of the (many) exercises we did involved us thinking about particular times - times when we'd been happy, or nervous, or proud - and bringing them to the forefront of our mines. Making them big, and colourful. Remembering how we felt.

It was a really powerful exercise and for me, demonstrated how easily you can change the way you're feeling.

One of the most interesting things, though, was finding out how people "store" their memories. One of the people on the course imagined that hers were stored in an old toy chest that she had to open to get the thoughts from. Mine were in a glass jar that I could carry with me, and access whenever I wanted.

I probably haven't explained that properly, and I'm coming across as a mental case, but it makes sense in my head and was really interesting at the time! 

A while after the course, I was struggling a bit with my depression, and, whilst I often looked in my mental jar of happy thoughts, I decided that actually, it would be quite nice to have a physical jar, too.

I bought a jar relatively cheaply and decorated it (albeit, not very well - it could probably do with redoing) and then added thoughts to pieces of paper and threw them in. The jar sits on my book case.

Some of the thoughts are general, others more specific about particular feelings at specific times.

I love that if I've had a bad day, I can open my jar and spend some time with my happy thoughts. Or, when I have an AWESOME day, I can add some happy memories in.

How do you remember the good times?


Shh! Don't tell!

So, one of the things on my list of things to do in 2013 was to change my job.

I've been where I am for the past 2 years, and it became apparent pretty early on that the job I applied for and the job I'm actually doing weren't really the same thing. That said, I'm also incredibly aware that, at the moment, jobs aren't all that easy to come by. So I've made do and I've stayed put.

But in the time I've stayed there, my confidence has taken a bit of a beating. I know I'm better than the job I'm doing at the moment, but I'm just not sure I'm confident enough to convince other people.

This year I decided I want to change that. And, I've made a start.

In fact, earlier this afternoon, I had a second interview for a new job. Without saying too much about it, it's an account manager role and would be a real stretch for me. There are aspects of it that I'd be able to do easily, but others that will really mean I have to challenge myself which I'm really excited about.

The second interview was a bit of a challenge for me for a start - a 20 minute presentation that told them who I think is the best retailer and why. WHAT!!! 20 MINUTES!!!
By Tuesday I'd decided that there was no way I was going to fill 20 minutes, but that I could present for 14 minutes well, rather than waffling on for 20 minutes.

When I was finished, they commented on how well I presented and how naturally I came across. Not bad, considering that I can probably count on my hand how many presentations I've done.

If I got the job, it would help me cross two things off my list, too - the company is a half an hour drive from home, so I'd definitely drive more!

I'll know next week whether I've got the job or not, and there's nothing I can do until then. I've done the best I can, and now I just have to wait.

In the meantime, it would be great if you could cross your fingers for me!?



10 in 2013 - The Mr And Mrs Edition!

So as well as my personal list of ten things I wanted to achieve during this year, Mr B and I set a list of 10 things we wanted to achieve this year. Some are boring, housey, but necessary, others fun and coupley, in an attempt to help us focus on us in the midst of all the TTC misery that goes on.

Here goes:

1. Change internet provide. Boring, housey, but done. Have to say though, super-fast broadband from BT Infinity? Not really worth the wait.

2. Fix / Replace the Shower. This will be the fourth summer that we haven't had a working shower. We've managed without and had baths, but enough is enough, and I want a shower in our house again!!

3. Sort out the drive. I park my car on the front garden, and because of the rain it's a bit of a mud bath so that needs sorting. Particularly if I'm going to start driving more!

4. Monthly date nights. One night (or day!), every month, to make an effort to do something together. On Valentines day we wrote a list of things we want to do, divvied them out, and mixed them up. March's date night is a cinema night. We're yet to do it, but should be next weekend!

5. No TV, one night per week. We both like nothing more than sitting in front of the box, but sometimes it's nice to spend time without it on too! We don't have to do stuff together necessarily, we just have to be in the same room without the TV on!

6. Make The Most of The Weekends. Quite often, I'll go into work on a Monday morning and be asked what I did at the weekend, and I'll say "not much". What I actually mean is absolutely nothing. This weekend is a prime example - I haven't left the house since coming in from work on Friday! Sometimes, that's lush. But sometimes, I think we could definitely make more of the weekends. We don't have children yet, and one day we might look back and wish we'd done stuff while we had the chance.

7. At Least Two Holidays. Whilst we both had a holiday last year, we didn't go together. This year we're aiming to have two holidays. One in May and one later in the year. We've got Christmas week off, so we might go away for Christmas.

8. Get Fitter Blurgh. But, in line with my BMI reduction and our TTC, we need to be fitter.

9. Be More Social. We don't have many friends, but the ones we have are AWESOME. For whatever reason, we didn't see much of them last year and we want to change that this year!

10. Eat at a Gordon Ramsay Place. We're combining this with a date night later in the year. We've both wanted to do it for a while, and this will be the year for it!

Almost a quarter of the way through the year - should probably get cracking with these!!


If it suits the wearer...

My Nanna was quite an opinionated lady, and she wasn't quiet about it, either.

If she didn't like something, she'd let you know.

My brother and I used to go with my dad and stay with her for a fortnight every summer holiday. One summer, I'd had my hair cut shorter.

"You've changed your hair", she said, "I don't like it. But, if it suits the wearer, bugger the starer".

My dad just grinned at me as I replayed it in my head, until I understood the sentiment behind it.

It was the first, but definitely not the last, time she said that to me and my brother.

If I wore something she didn't like: "If it suits the wearer..." she'd say, looking down her nose at me.

When my brother got his first tattoo. "What the bloody hell have you done that for?? Well, I suppose if it suits the wearer..."

It got to the stage that we knew when there was something she wouldn't like, and we'd quote her favourite phrase back to her before she had a chance. She'd give us a sly smile, knowing that there was no further argument to be had.

My Nanna died 3 years ago in May, but her phrase is something that my brother and I still use all the time. In fact, my brother is going to get it tattooed at some point. Which, in itself is ironic, because she HATED tattoos, and she definitely would've had an opinion about them!

It's something that I've found myself thinking a lot this week when people have looked at my new tattoo and internally judged me for it. When my dad screwed up his nose at my new tattoo, I just raised my eyebrows at him, and said "Whatever, Dad. If it suits the wearer..."

Thanks, Nanna, for the reminder that, no matter what other people think, if I'm happy, it doesn't really matter.


Birthday Weekend - In Pictures

It was my birthday on Saturday - 29 years old (or 30 minus 1, as my mum kept saying). I had a lovely day back home with my mum and brother, and I was appropriately spoilt. As part of my 10in2013 challenge, I took a few photos... here are a few of them!

Mum had a birthday cake made for me.
One of my favourite cards!

This badge was on the card Mr B bought
We went to Ikea (don't ask!) and no trip to Ikea is complete without a
slice of Dime Bar Cake! 
My little brother paid for me to have a new tattoo for my birthday.
It was less than half an hour old when I took the picture.
And, although it looks massive, it's actually smaller than a 5p
and will be "hidden" by my watch strap when it's healed
 Mr B, my mum, brother and I went for an awesome Chinese in the evening.

Wicked, wicked weekend!

Hope you had a good one, too.


10 for 2013

Last year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to achieve through the year. A bit like New Years resolutions, but not things I had to do RIGHT THEN and do forever.

My 10 in 2012 was a success in some ways (I passed my driving test and bought a car), but not so much in others (I'm still in the same job, and there's no Baby B), but overall it was something that I found useful.

So, I decided to right a new list for 2013.

Here it is:

1. Be Positive This is a carry over from last year. Sometimes, it's super easy to think of the bad stuff - the things I don't have or haven't achieved. But, spending just a couple of minutes every day thinking of the GOOD things really helps.

2. Get my BMI Below 40 This one is probably the toughest - not only as a physical challenge, but because it's the one I don't really agree with the most. I couldn't give a flying monkey crap about my BMI, but I want a baby. To have a baby, I need to get my PCOS under control. To get my PCOS under control, I need to lose weight. And quite frankly, I can't cope with another appointment with the consultant like we had back in January...

3. Take More Photos I love photos. But, I was really disappointed with the amount of photos I took last year so I want to take more this year. I think my main downfall is my smart phone, though - I take a whole load of photos on there that I do nothing with... D'oh!

4. Swear less (particularly at work!) I swear like a sailor. My language is FOUL and I've become more conscious of it - especially since I'm more unhappy at work. So, I want to cut down. And, I've started a charity swear jar to help. An F-bomb costs me 20p, and all others are 10p. I started mid January and have nearly £12 already! Having said that, I had 3 days this week without putting any in, and my language at home is much better, too!

5. Make more of an effort with my appearance. I have a massive amount of makeup and jewellery, but rarely use / wear it, so I want to start. Oh, and get my legs out more, too.

6. Be more crafty. I love crafting, but haven't done much really. It's a real release for me - I fully concentrate on it and relax.

7. Drive more! Although I passed my driving test, I don't really drive very often. I'm paid a bonus every month for not driving to work, and that more than pays for my bus fare, so I don't drive to work. I also don't drive places I don't know, because I panic about parking.... I need to (wo)man up, and just start doing it!

8. Cook new recipes / more regularly Cooking is another thing I love, but don't do enough of. I think like most people, I have my staple recipes and tend to stick to them, but I want to be more adventurous!

9. Bake a cake I am 28 years old and I have never baked a cake without the help of my mum or a teacher. I will rectify that this year!

10. Change job Another roll over from last year, but I'm determined. I am better than the job I'm currently doing. And I will prove it!

I also managed to get Mr B to agree to doing a joint 10 for 2013 which I'll share soon!

Wish me luck!