4 Days...

It's been 4 days since I last temped.

I hadn't planned to stop, my thermometer broke, so until I can get a new one, I'm not worrying about it.

It actually feels strangely liberating. Not hearing the alarm go off and having to remember to shove the thermometer in my gob. Not charting what the outcome is. Not spending hours poring over the chart trying to work out whether the right time is coming, going, or missing altogether this month.

I'm enjoying my little thermometer vacation, but I know I'll need to start again.





Thoughtful Thursday

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Rosevelt



This time next week, I will've handed in my notice at work.

I still don't have a new job yet, but my hopes are high.

I've been thinking about what to write in my letter, and I keep coming back to:

You can shove your f*cking job up your arse.
I'm outta here.

Not sure what the reference I'd get would be like, though....


The Chat...

We knew it would happen - the only surprise was that it hadn't happened sooner.

We spoke to Mr B's parents about the baby situation and my PCOS...

Mr B got a new car yesterday - it's bigger and a bit more of a "family" car, and it prompted some questions from the in laws. He had mentioned my PCOS to them in the past, but not in a great amount of detail, and didn't explain to them what it would mean from a fertility perspective either.

He was there on his own on Thursday and they asked him about it - they were curious, but didn't want to raise it in from of me and upset me. Mr B explained everything as best he could, but I felt that I needed to mention it, too.

When we were round there earlier we had a good chat about it. I explained that it isn't impossible, but isn't going to be a quick and simple thing for us, either. I also explained that it breaks my heart that I might not be able to make Mr B a daddy. I ended up getting up a little bit upset, and my FIL had a little cry too, bless him!

I also told them that there's a chance that we'll need to have treatment, and a possibility that if we do, we won't tell them. It's a personal thing, and if we struggle with it (which I'm sure we will - we're only human!) we're not going to want to talk about it all the time.

They told us that there's absolutely no pressure from them and they won't ask us any more about it, but we can talk to them as and when we want to.

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted because we talked to them about it. I knew the conversation was always going to come, and was always a bit nervous about what their reaction would be. But it's done now, and I feel much better about it.

I'm also excited about the car, too - it's going to be the car that takes us to our scans, it'll take us to our antenatal classes, it'll be the car that we bring our baby home in.

That's what I'm telling myself, anyway...


A Little Headache...

So, last night four of us from work got together and had pizza night. Just a "quiet" night in with some home made pizzas and booze.


I really didn't drink that much, but I went to bed at midnight and was up again at 6 this morning. When I got up this morning, I felt fine. Now, 4 hours on, not so much.

I've got a headache, I feel a little bit sick and I'm absolutely shattered. So much so that I could do with a snooze. In the office.

And, what makes it even better is that I've got to work tonight. Until late. ish. I'm really not quite sure how I'm going to make it to lunchtime, let alone 11.30 tonight.

Oh, and to add to my discomfort I desperately need a poo (and have done for 24 hours) but have a fear of going in a public place. In fact, if it's not my house or my mum's house, there's no chance.

Roll on midnight tonight when I get home, go toilet, and crawl into my own bed.



Nothing much to say...

As the title suggests, I don't really have much to say...

I'm incredibly disappointed with myself and my apparent inability to stick at a fucking diet and keep putting on weight, but that's nothing new.

That's all that's going on with me, really.

My cycle is never ending - I reckon my period's got lost in all the lard it's having to fight its way through...


Thoughtful Thursday

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing and becomes nothing.

Leo Buscaglia


One year Done

We had a fab anniversary weekend. We went away and just spent some quality time together.

We had sex because we could, because we wanted to, and for us, rather than because we should, we had to, and the time was right. I think we both enjoyed it (and ourselves!) a lot more as a result.

Maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe the constant talk about it being "the right time", or the right position, or whatever is having more of an affect on our sex life than either of us would like to admit.

I think that, despite the longing for a baby, it's affecting me more than I thought it was, so it must be affecting him, too. Although he'd never admit it. Being asked to perform on demand must be pretty tough going, though.

But, like I say, we both had a lovely time. We both enjoyed sexy time, too, and I think it's important for both of us to keep enjoying each other (while we still have the chance!)

I can't help hoping, though, that this weekend was THE weekend. That we've actually conceived on our relaxing anniversary weekend, amidst the snoozing, the eating (and there was a LOT of that!) and the drinking... That would be pretty special!


The Best Advice...

I spoke to my Grandma today - she was wishing us a happy wedding anniversary. We had a little chat, and before she rang off she said to me:

"Just keep loving each other. That's what's important".
She's been married to my Pap for over 50 years, so I guess she knows what she's talking about...!

Happy Anniversary

Dear Mr B

Happy first wedding anniversary.

Exactly a year ago, you and I were exchanging our wedding vows. I can't believe where that time has gone. It's been an absolutely amazing year - we've been to Prague, to Kenya, been snowed in, slept in my office, had broken heating and lots of other adventures, too!

I know we've got a lot of other adventures coming, too, and can't wait to have them with you.

I'm sorry that trying for a baby has taken over for the past few months. But I'm more sorry that I haven't been able to make you a daddy yet. I hope that that changes before we get to our second anniversary.

I love you, Mr B. You're my happy ever after, my best friend, my always.

I can't wait for the rest of forever with you.


What are my chances...?

Mr B and I celebrate our first wedding anniversary tomorrow - I can't wait!
We're going away for the weekend and it'll be really nice to switch off the phones, relax, and spend some time together, just the two of us.
As a wedding present, he bought me a beautiful Tiffany's charm bracelet and charm, the idea being that every year he could add to it for our anniversary (and maybe other important, significant milestones (babies!!) too) without ever being out of ideas or having to ask me.
It hasn't quite worked out like that, and he's asked me to choose a charm this year. Seriously, one year (and one charm) in, and he's already stuck!?!
I sent him a picture of this one:

I'm not holding my breath!


Thoughtful Thursday

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open

George Bernard Shaw

I saw this one, and had to make it my Thoughtful Thursday post. In our marriage, this is totally true!! x


Anniversary Excitement!

On Sunday Mr B and I will celebrate our first wedding anniversary. On Wednesday, we will have been together for 9 years.

I'm struggling a little bit to know what to get him, and he's been particularly useless at dropping me any hints, so i've been left to my own devices!

I have had a bit of inspiration from the Love, Actually blog and I'm gojng to make some personalised scratch cards for him.

Hope he appreciates the thought and effort that'll go in to them.

Just need to think of some suitable... prizes, now!!

Made me chuckle...



Mr B and I cooked a healthy and scrummy dinner this evening. We both did a bit, so neither of us had to spend too long in the kitchen, but it was well worth it.

I feel healthier already, and it's defo a step in the right direction!

Self Sabotage

Just recently it seems that I'm sabotaging myself ALL THE TIME and I've just about had enough!

I am so angry at myself.

Last night Mr B and I had chip shop chips for dinner... Not healthy, not on my diet, and definitely not helping me lose weight!

I'd spent the afternoon cooking soups and things for the week so that I had some lovely lunches, but by the time it came to making dinner.

Frustratingly, last night's dinner was also going to be tonight's dinner, so all I've actually done is make more work for myself for tonight!