4 Stone by 2012

I have decided that I want to lose 4 stones before the start of 2012.

That's 56lb in 9 months. That's 6.22lbs a month, which is 1.55lbs a week.

Which is totally do-able. I'd like to have lost three of those four stones before Mr B and I go on holiday in September.

That's 26 weeks to lose 42lbs.

I will do it!!


Enough is Enough

I need to stop making excuses and just get my arse in gear. The diet starts NOW


I love it!

I've painted my nails for years, but I've just discovered this Nail Effects nail varnish by Barry M.

I love it!


Half empty, or half full?

When it comes to baby making, just recently I've felt like my glass has been half empty.

But I read this blog, and it kinda rang true with me. Especially this bit:
When we spend so much time worrying about and focussing on what we haven't got, our life can become full of wishes, frustrations, jealousy, sadness and maybe even anger.

As I read that sentence, I was mentally putting a big tick next to all of the feelings.

Time to start focussing on what I do have, and not what I don't.


Four on Friday

Four Authors I enjoy:

1. Stuart MacBride

2. Stephenie Meyer

3. Dean Koontz

4. P C Cast

They are by no means in order, and it's really difficult to limit myself to just four...


Sad, but SO TRUE!

funny facebook fails - I Wish I Didn't Understand...
see more Failbook

Thoughtful Thursday

Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers


Motivation, where've you gone!?

I just cannot be arsed to do anything at the moment.

I don't think it helps that work is pretty damn boring at the moment. For most of the past two days I've had NOTHING to do, and today's pretty much the same.

The irony is that in my last job I was constantly busy, sometimes with more work than I had time to do, which was crazy - especially considering that I worked a 50 hour week most weeks! I wasn't happy then either.

Although I wasn't happy because of the way I was treated and the work I was doing, rather than the being busy all the time. Being busy I can cope with. Being busy makes the day go faster. Being busy means I feel like I've accomplished something.

This, however, feels like the life is slowly being drained from me. It feels like the days are dragging, and the evenings and weekends are over in a flash.

This feels like I was lied to when I applied for the job...


It's just not fair...

That's how it seems at the moment.

I know my last post was probably a bit, well, mean but it was how I felt at the time. I am in all honesty, thrilled that my friend is pregnant again. I'm glad that her lovely little boy will get to be big brother to a new sister or brother.

But I am so incredibly jealous, too. How come she gets to have two, and I don't even have one on the horizon.

I hate that I feel such jealousy, bitterness, mean-ness, and a little bit mad, too.

And, deep down, I know that it's me I'm mad at.

I'm mad because I know that, if I'd stuck to a diet, kept going to the gym and lost some fucking weight, there's a strong possibility that I could be pregnant too (there's a strong possibility that I wouldn't be, too, but hey, I'm not thinking about that right now...).

I'm mad that I stopped temping, so I no longer have any idea where my cycle is at.

I'm mad that I haven't had a period since October.

I'm mad that we had to take a break because of my job. And I'm mad that I used that break as an excuse to stop the diet / exercise / weight loss.

I'm mad that I'm constantly procrastinating about it all.

I'm mad because I'm starting to doubt if I'm ready. And whether my not being ready is the real reason behind my procrastinating. I'm mad because I know that that's bullshit, and I AM ready - I've wanted a baby more than anything for the longest time - but something in me is stopping me from losing the weight that I need to lose to make it happen.

Another one bites the dust...

I just heard that another of my friends is pregnant.

Baby number two is due in September.



Four on Friday

Four Movies I can Watch over and over...

1. Dirty Dancing

2. Stand by Me

3. Finding Nemo

4. Any of the Harry Potter / Twilight series!


Thoughtful Thursday

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless

Bill Watterson


Epic Pancake Fail

It was Shrove Tuesday yesterday, so obviously, we tucked into pancakes last night.

Well, that was the plan, anyway.

It didn't quite happen like that, because I ruined the batter mixture (don't even ask me how, because I just don't know). Mr B managed one, I didn't manage anything.

With that disaster out of the way, though, people are today talking about what they're giving up for Lent.

It's not something that I usually do, in all honesty. There are plenty of things I could give up (making excuses about going to the gym, snacking on junk food, watching crappy TV...) but I've decided that I'm going to START doing something, instead.

It just feels like a much more positive step to take.

So, for the next 40 days, I will:

* Do 20 sit ups a day
* Re-start temping and charting
* Get off the bus one stop early on the way home (on work days!)

Wish me luck!


Thank You, Mummy

When I was in France I had a bit of a realisation about my beliefs.

One of the exercises we did was to look at what our vision for ourselves is, and whether everything else in our lives are aligned with that vision.

My vision, obviously, was to be a mummy.

I had thought that everything else in my life was in line with that vision. There were / are things that I need to change - my weight being the main one - but other than that, I thought I was pretty much set.

That was until we talked about it in a bit more depth. I said that maybe, subconsciously, I was self- sabotaging my diet because I didn't feel ready to stop being me in order to start being a mum. It wasn't until that thought was queried, and I was asked why I HAD to stop being me in order to be a mum that I realised that I thought that because that's exactly what my mum did.

When my mum and dad divorced, I was six and my brother was about 18 months old. My my gave up everything in her world in order to be everything to the two of us. She was our mother, father, task master, disciplinarian, shoulder to cry on, confidante - our everything. She fed us, clothed us, helped us with our homework, cared for us when we were sick, cared for us when we were drunk, put up with our friends ALWAYS at the house. All the time putting us before her. She worked because she had to, not because she had a job or a career that she enjoyed. She didn't spend time with her friends, she didn't go out, she never left us with babysitters, because she wanted to be there for us. She wanted to make sure there was money for us to have a nice birthday, or a nice holiday, or a bit of pocket money now and again, rather than her spending it on a night out with friends. She didn't even have a boyfriend until 3 years ago - she always put us first.

So, this weekend when I was home with her, I told her that I appreciated what she'd done for us. That she'd put us first. That she'd been everything that we needed her to be - and more.

And she told me she wouldn't have had it any other way. My brother and I didn't choose not to have our dad living with us, so she did what she had to do, and she was proud of the both of us.

But I think she should be proud of herself. We wouldn't be the people we are if it weren't for her.

I love you, mummy. Thank you.



Family Time!

I've had a fab weekend this weekend.

Mr B and I have been "home" to see my family, and it's the first time I've seen them since Christmas.

We were supposed to be taking my dad out for lunch today because it's his birthday on Tuesday, but he called me yesterday to tell me he didn't want to go out. No explanation or reasoning behind it, he just doesn't want to go.

So, we took my mum instead - his tough luck!



Four On Friday

Four television shows I love...

1. NCIS Los Angeles

2. House

3. Will and Grace

4. One Tree Hill


Thoughtful Thursday

Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark Twain


I don't mean to be ungrateful, but...

This lovely selection of "goodies" are the gifts that my in-laws gave me. I should point out that it was my 27th birthday, (not 57th!) and that they've known me for almost 10 years now.

1. Handkerchiefs. Because what I really want to do is walk around with my snot wrapped in cotton in my pocket.

2. A photo pen. I've always thought that my life was missing something, and now I know what - a pen that's a photo frame, too! Genius idea, and my life is now finally complete.

3. A note block. In theory, not a bad present. In reality - nowhere near my style, and not the sort of thing I use.

4. A candle in the shape of flowers. The positive side to this is that, once I start burning it, it will just turn into melted waxy mess. It's difficult to convey just how hideous this is, to be honest!

I also got (although they're not in the picture) some mats for my bathroom - one for around the bottom of the toilet (gross!) and one for by the side of the bath. They're baby blue. My bathroom is turquoise and white.

I know their hearts are in the right place, but, in all honesty, I really wish they'd save their time and money, and not buy these things. It also completely baffles me where they actually get this stuff from!?

Although... I can give it a month and wang it all on ebay!!

I should point out that they did give me some books and give me some money so I can go shopping. They're not all bad!

Birthday Girl!

I can't believe it's my birthday again!

The past year seems to have gone so quickly, and so much has happened in that time.

Last year I made a list of things I wanted to achieve before my next birthday, which is today, obviously.

For the most part, I've failed miserably at achieving most of them, but I tried. Well, mostly...

1. Learn to drive.
This one, I failed miserably at. I don't think I even called a driving instructor to enquire about prices... 2011's the year for this, though!!

2. Lose Weight.
This one I really tried at... but failed again!!! I have done a fair amount of research though, and I'm going to start
this diet as soon as I can. There are a lot of ladies with PCOS who have had a lot of success with it, and I feel really positive about it.

3. Be more social.
This one, I did do well at! Particularly toward the end of the year.

4. Save Money.
Another one that I was marginally successful at. I'm particularly proud of how I managed when I wasn't working. I was paid on the 24th December, and then again on the 24th February, and I was still in credit! Woop!!

5. Spend more time with my family.
I tried. I really did - but it takes two, and if the other party isn't so forthcoming, what can you do?!

6. Start charting / temping / OPKing
I really got into my groove with this bad boy, and if I can get the weight thing sorted, I'm positive that, by the time my 28th birthday arrives, I'll be "with child".

Anyway, happy birthday to me!!!