I lost it yesterday.
Totally and utterly lost it.
I went in to mental meltdown.
I was supposed to be going out for a girl from work's birthday... My hair was done, my make up was done, and I was quite excited about it. And then I tried to find something to wear. I had NOTHING. Litterally, nothing fits me. And if it fits, it's something I would wear to the office. How could I go on a night out wearing clothes that I'd wear for work.
I ended up crying a bit. Then a bit more. And a bit more after that, too..
I ended up sitting in the corner of the spare room, sobbing. For over 2 hours. Mr B had no idea what to do with me - I had no idea what to do with myself! It was a nightmare.
By the time I was done I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, and not going anywhere. It was horrid. And on a par with the meltdown I had back in October that ended up with me at the doctors getting a presciption for anti depressants.
I think, no, I know, a lot of it is to do with work. It is completely taking over my life. I am out of the house for nearly 12 hours a day, and working for 10 of those. I'm exhausted, all the time, and have no time or energy for anything.
Because of that, I don't have time / energy for the gym - my evenings are taken up with cooking and relaxing before I go to bed, and the weekends are then full of the mudane house hold things that have to be done, as well as trying to spend some quality time with Mr B. I'm not eating properly - i know I'm eating crap because it's quick and convenient and I can't be bothered to cook a proper meal, but that, teamed with the lack of gym-ing, because I'm always working, is making me put on weight.
Then I get down about my weight, which makes me want to comfort eat, and I'm not going to the gym, so... And so the circle continues!
I know that I'll feel much better if I just leave my job, but it really isn't that simple. Is it???