Well, I slept really well last night, but still feel totally shattered today. I don't understand it. It must be one of those PCOS / hormonal things...

I told Mr B. about my blog last night. I don't really know why I hadn't told him before - I think because it's something I'm doing for me, and I don't want anyone "real" to read it. (by real, I mean people that I know and see face to face. I know everyone that reads this is real, although not to me! ;) .

Anyway, we were watching something on TV and the woman on it was a blogger - but obsessively. I think we were watching House, and she wouldn't decide what treatment to have without blogging it and getting some feedback from her readers, which was odd.
So, I asked Mr B how he'd feel if I had one. Turns out he wasn't too impressed with the idea. He doesn't see the point, and doesn't understand why I'd want the whole world to know that I watched EastEnders (which I never watch) while I was eating my dinner...

When I asked him if he understood the concept of keeping a diary, he quite rightly pointed out that he did, but I wouldn't let anyone read it, so why am I now doing something similar online? Good question. Really good question, in fact.

And that question got me to thinking about my blog. Initially, I started blogging with the whole purpose being a place for me to rant and rage over PCOS and TTC, and all of the mental, emotionally draining aspects that are bound to come my way. I was doing it to try and SAVE Mr B's sanity - it must be hard for him, listening to me garable on all the time, watching me weep for no real reason, trying to be positive and cheer me up when in fact I don't want positivity, and I don't want to be cheered, I would just like to wallow in my own self pity for a while.
That's what I thought I'd use the blog for - for venting my own "woe is me" moments.

But, that hasn't really happened. It has become more of a "Today I..." blog, which isn't really interesting to me, let alone anyone else.

So, I'm going to aim to go back to my roots, blog wise. There may be the occassional (or more frequent than that!) rant about things that are getting me down, but predominantly I'm going to focus on the PCOS, my symptoms, and trying to get the baby I so desperately want!



  1. Hm.

    I started my blog for much the same reason: rantings about PCOS and IF.

    But it did trickle down into my everyday nonsense. Initially I felt consumed to get it "back on track". Here's the problem with that though:

    How often have you sat down just to type out what happened to you that day and something you remember hits a chord and suddenly you find yourself spilling your guts about a deep pain you haven't mentioned to anyone or something that's been on your mind? That happens to me a lot. And I'm willing to be it's happened to you.

    Some people cope with their issues in private. Others, people like me and most of the bloggers in the world, cope by getting it out. We wouldn't just walk up to any stranger and spill the beans of course. But this feels safe for us. A place we can come and possibly be the worst versions of ourselves, knowing that there isn't anyone here who will judge us and if they do, who gives a shit. They're just strangers on the internet anyways.

    My DH understands blogging (thank goodness) but my family does not...AT ALL. But they aren't me. They don't have to cope with my issues. They don't have my personality. And it's okay if they don't understand me or understand my need to journal my frustrations. I'm doing this for ME. NOT them.

    Do it for you. Write about whatever the hell you wanna write about. I know at least one more person who'll be willing to read it. <3

  2. You're right, I am doing it for me, and should be writing about the stuff that's affecting ME right now...