At lunchtime today, I sat with a couple of my workmates, one of whom being our supervisor. She had spent time with her 3 year old nephew over the weekend, and one of my other colleagues had taken her nieces and nephews to the cinema.
They asked me if I had any nieces or nephews?
No, no I don't.
"What about kids, would you like them?"
It's the question we all look forward to, hey?? Usually, I'm quite open about my PCOS and how it affects me. But today, I just didn't want to get into it. I'm new in the job, and don't really feel comfortable talking about it with them yet.
So I shrugged and said "Yeah, we would, one day. Hopefully, if we're lucky".
"You're still young", she replied, "So there's nothing to worry about yet. I do think about it with Rob, because he's 37 - which I know isn't that old - but y'know... Until you start trying, you don't know if you're going to have problems, do you? But then, you just have to relax and hope for the best, I guess..."
The conversation continued about how it must be hard when fertility is an issue. Difficult for it not to be all-consuming. Difficult to think about when the right time is, or doing it because you have to. You know, that sort of thing?
Meanwhile, I switched off, mentally moved away from the conversation, and tried not to burst into tears.
Because they have NO FUCKING IDEA. And, btw, relaxing doesn't fucking help. And it's almost impossible not to be totally consumed by it. And I know that by Wednesday, my chances for this month are pretty much shot. And, worst of all, I've had our baby dancing down to a tee for the past 2 weeks, and Mr B is struggling to enjoy it because I'm so damn determined this cycle.
Maybe I should've just told them that I can't have children. That would've killed the conversation. If I'm honest, though, I couldn't have coped with the pathetic looks that come over people's faces when you tell them, or their patronising comments.
It was just one of those days....
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