Trick or Treat?!

Catch up...

I've had a weird kinda week... Nothing much has gone on, but I've been super stressed and pissed off.

I'm CD19, with no signs of ovulation yet. I'm hoping that it hurries along so that AF can come visit again. I've got soya and EPO ready for next cycle, and I'm excited to get started.

Work is totally doing my head in, but the closer the end of November gets, the more nervous I get, too. I'm definitely handing in my notice, but there's still no sign of a new job for me to go to.

It's just over a week until our first wedding anniversary. Mr B and I are heading away for the weekend, and I can't wait. We're going to a country house not far away, but it'll be nice to get away... I've booked us a junior suite, but he doesn't know. I can't wait!

Nothing much to add...

I realise I haven't posted for a few days, but that's predominantly because there's nothing to add...

Work is still rubbish, I'm still not getting as much lovin' as I'd like, and I still don't know what's going on with my damn cycle!

I did, however, get so horribly drunk on Friday night that I was sick. Really sick. Sicker than I've been since my 18th birthday. Maybe even sicker than that... Anyway, it's out of my system now, and I won't ever be drinking again!!

x

If I were a PS3 Game...

... I'd probably stand more chance of getting pregnant.

I'd definitely see more of Mr B.

He seems to have been bitten by the bug again at the moment. He can go weeks (sometimes months) without even looking at it, but when he does eventually pick up the controller, I lose him. For hours, no days, at a time.

For the most part, he stays up after I've gone to bed. Which would be fine if we weren't trying for a baby... I don't think he quite grasps the salient details of the birds and the bees. Let's be honest, it doesn't happen by pressing the right buttons on a controller. (Pressing the right buttons for ME wouldn't be a bad thing, though...!)

Anyway, that's enough of my moan...

I bought some soya and EPO earlier this week. I'm too far in to this cycle to try either, but I will defo be popping some of those bad boys at the beginning of the next one.

That, and trying to entice hubby to play with me, instead of the PlayStation...!

Aaarggghhh!!

I've had a nightmare few days, which is why I've been a bit quiet on here...

I nearly walked out of my job on Friday. I tried to explain this, and just how annoyed I was, to my boss today, and he didn't believe me. Which frustrated me further and resulted in me crying. Which made me even more frustrated.
Fuck them, though - there's only 5 more Mondays until I hand in my notice. Ha!

My period finally stopped over the weekend. Hoo-rah!

I slept like a demon at the weekend. 12 hours Friday night, 15 on Saturday night. And I still feel like I could do with more.

I read A LOT yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I had cleaning, ironing and cooking I needed to do, but I read my book. It's called Divine by Mistake by P.C. Cast and I'm totally absorbed.... I think it's aimed at teenagers, but, whatever. I'm enjoying it... It's the first in a series of 3, and I went to try and get the other two tonight. Incredibly frustrated to find that they didn't have them any more... I'll hunt them down on Amazon, instead.

I've totally fallen off the diet bandwagon. So much so that it's actually making me feel quite ill. I'm constantly bloated and feel full. Think it's safe to say I've had a bit of a carb overload, but I'm getting back on it tomorrow, I promise.

Thoughtful Thursday

Every saint has a past

Every sinner has a future

Same old, same old

It seems that, just lately, I wear the same old thing every day.

For the past three days, I've worn trainers, jeans and a long sleeved top for work.

At home, I change the jeans for joggers, and the trainers for slippers.

What a glamour puss I am!!!

I don't remember the last time I wore make up, I desperately need to wax my face (bearded woman springs to mind!), and my hair is long over due a cut.

I sometimes feel like I should make more of an effort, but I really can't be arsed. I sit in an office all day with the same people, and it's enough of an effort to even make it to the office every day, let alone put my war paint on before hand!

It doesn't help that I ABSOLUTELY HATE shopping. I don't like the people. I don't like the lack of choice for fat birds. And I don't like the hassle. Internet shopping might seem like the sensible option, but I need to try things on, otherwise I STILL have to go to the shops to return stuff. Nightmare.

I'm actually out at meetings all day tomorrow. While I'm quite looking forward to it, I'm also dreading it. I have no idea what I'm going to wear. It'll be an interesting evening this evening while I'm working my way through my wardrobe, totally disregarding EVERYTHING I own!

Left, Right, and Centre

I made the decision a few weeks ago that I would hand in my notice at the end of November, whether I had a job to go to or not because I've had enough of working here and I don't want to move offices with them.

New Year, New Start, and all that.

I felt empowered. I felt positive. I felt excited. I felt brave.

That was 4 weeks ago, though.

Now, with the end of November only 6 weeks away, I feel slightly differently.

I feel nervous. I feel a bit scared. I feel worried.

I still feel empowered, positive, excited and brave, though.

So, I'm applying for jobs like there's no tomorrow. The trouble is, I'm not really hearing back from any of them. There aren't all that many that are tickling my fancy, either, which makes it even more difficult...

Keep your finger's crossed for me, though, cos I just applied for an AWESOME one!
x

CD2...

Well, yesterday I was in quite a lot of pain, and actually a bit ill, too, with the start of my period.


Today, though, the pain and sickness has gone, although the period hasn't!


I feel pretty shattered, but that's not unusual for a Monday, either.


I was disappointed that I didn't / couldn't make it to the gym yesterday, and it doesn't look like I'll get to go before weigh in on Wednesday, either. I've got a pretty busy week (and weekend) ahead, which is great socially, but not so great with the diet / exercise etc.


Work's pretty shoddy today, too. I came in to find 11 emails from one of the guys who is on leave this week, and a whole host of stuff to do for him. Thanks for the head's up on that one... The last email he sent actually told me to prioritise something that I wouldn't have usually prioritised so that it's done when he's back... I take it that means he won't mind if his clients haven't been contacted, so long as the other thing's done!?

And so it begins... (again)

The witch arrived this morning.

I think I'm more disappointed than I have been before, but, onwards and upwards we go...

What a difference a year makes...

It's a long one today. And a bit rambly. So, no offence if you skip it!

This time last year I was with 8 of my best girlies enjoying my hen weekend. I can't say I was overly impressed me in this:

and made me walk around Oxford city centre, though...

We did have an amazing weekend. Fancy dress, shopping, and learning the best dance EVER for my wedding reception.

But, it was also the weekend that I admitted to my mum, my cousin, Mr B and more importantly myself that I was suffering with depression again.

I was unhappy at work. I was stressed with the wedding prep (in fact, that's a lie. I was stressed because I didn't think I was stressed enough how absolutely ridiculous is that?!). But mostly, I was stressing that once we got married, people would expect us to get pregnant. Would ask us when they would come.

And I wouldn't be able to cope with it.

In fact, that hasn't happened. I don't think we've been asked by anyone, actually. The people that matter know our situation, and know we'd tell them if there was anything to tell. If anyone does think that it is their business to ask, I tell them (with a smile) that it's got nothing to do with them!

Anyway, I got back. I went to the doctors. I got myself a some help, and set about making myself better.

I spoke to my boss. I told him my situation. I explained I was unhappy with work. I explained that I didn't feel like I was going anywhere and wanted to make some changes with what I was doing. He promised that we'd make some big changes. That when I came back to work as Mrs B it would be a brand new start for me.

And changed it has. For the worst. I haven't progressed any further at all. In fact, I've taken a massive step back, which is one of the main reasons for my leaving at the end of this year.

But, on the whole, the past 12 months has been awesome. We've been married for almost a year. We've had two amazing holidays. We've started our TTC journey. I stopped the anti depressants. I am much happier now than I was this time last year.

Despite the dance lesson...

High Hopes...

I hadn't realised until this morning that I was 16DPO without any sign of AF, I've been wondering "what if...".

I was going to be really patient and POAS early next week, but I got impatient. It's a character trait of mine.

So, I did a HPT this evening. I guess I had high hopes. And now they've been shattered by the BFN I got.

I'm still pinning my hopes on the fact that I'm not out the witch arrives, and if she hasn't arrived by Tuesday, I'll try again...

16DPO. CD68

This cycle feels like it's never ending.

Apparently, I OV'd 16 days ago. I'm not convinced.

If I did, this is the longest LP I've had in the cycles I've previously tracked, which on the one hand makes me think (very quietly, in my head!) maybe I'm baking a baby The pessimist realist in me thinks it's more likely that I didn't ovulate when I think I did.

I think it's more than likely that the witch will arrive over the weekend, but if it doesn't, I'll test early next week just in case.

Thoughtful Thursday

It's good to be just plain happy, it's a little better to know

that you're happy; but to understand that you're happy and to

know why and how and still be happy, be happy in the being

and the knowing, well that is beyond happiness, that is bliss.

Henry Miller

One Day in Paradise...

I fed a baby camel...



Hung out with some ring-tailed lemurs...

and met a Tiger called Rocky...

Some days at work aren't all bad!

On a mission

I've got my success head on, and I'm going to lose weight this week.

I've got 5 weeks until my anniversary, and I will be at least half a stone lighter by then.

Go go go!