I spent Saturday with my mum, shopping in London. I hadn't seen her for a few weeks, and it's awesome that she's finally back on her feet (literally!) after her operation in May. The physio doesn't think she'll actually be back at work for another month, but that's another story....
We got to talking about how my diet is going, and I told her how I was really disappointed in myself (have you noticed the significant lack of diet posts of late!?) that I hadn't lost as much weight as I'd set out to lose.
I made no secret of the fact that I wanted to lose 4stoneby2012. It's also no secret that I'm nowhere near that target - I should have lost 3stone by now, when in fact I've only lost one and a half. I'm mad and frustrated with myself. I'm pissed off that I don't have more willpower.
Mum told me that she thought part of my problem is that I put too much pressure on myself all the time - pressure to lose 4 stone before the end of the year. Pressure to pass my driving test before the end of the year. Pressure to find a new job. Pressure to get pregnant.
I do put a lot of pressure on myself all the time. I set myself up to fail, to be upset and to berate myself over it.
And I need to stop doing it.
I need to start being happier with where I'm at. Happy that I'm a stone and a half lighter than I was in April. Happy that I'm having good driving lessons every week. Happy that I have a job, unlike a lot of people at the moment. Happy that I have a husband that loves me, baby or not.