Booked!

Mr B and I celebrate our First Wedding Anniversary in just over a month (I really don't know where that year has gone).

We couldn't decide what to do, but I had an email at work today from a hotel chain that have got a special offer on, so I've booked us a room here

He thinks I went for the cheapest option, but I haven't... I've upgraded us to a Junior Suite.

He better bloody notice...!!!

Thoughtful Thursday

Many a person who goes on a diet finds out in short order that they are poor losers

FOUR POUNDS!? Seriously?!

I had fat club last night. I wasn't hopeful, and I was expecting a gain.

I wasn't expecting a 4lb gain.

I was really disappointed and don't think I deserved it at all.

One of the other girls went through her week:

I had chinese on Friday, with mojitos and champagne. On Saturday I went to a friends house and we drank wine and ate pizze. And Sunday I had a hangover and ate crap, too. So yeah, I think I deserved my half pound gain.

FUCK OFF!

You deserved my four.

Bitch.

Whatever. I'll be there again next week. AND I'll be thinner!

CD 59, 5DPO?

Seriously?! WTF is going on with my body?!!?!?

Day 30 - a dream for the future.

To have a happy and healthy family.

Day 29 - hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365

There are a few, but I don't think they're too outrageous!?

To be a mummy

To get a new job (and be happy in it!)

To lose weight (and put it back on again when I get pregnant)

To keep going to the gym

To go on holiday with my mummy

To be happy

There are probably a whole load of other things, too, but they're the things I can think of right now!!

Day 28 - What's in your handbag

I had all good intentions of taking photos and everything for this post, but life got in the way, and I haven't quite done that, so you'll have to make do with a description instead.

The bag itself is a Fiorelli one in a dark teal colour.

The bag itself hold my life:

My purse
My filofax
Office Keys
House Keys
3 different lip salves
A lip gloss
A mini purse with tampons (cos with PCOS you never know when the witch is gonna rock up)
Tissues
An Umbrella
Random receipts
Kitchen Towel (not sure where that came from!)

Packing Summer Away...

The weather has really changed over the past couple of days - Autumn is definitely here, and I love it!

It's not cold, it's crisp.

It's not wet, it's damp.

It's not windy, it's fresh.

I am definitely an Autumn chick - it just suits me. I'm not "built" for the heat of summer, and I hate the frozen coldness of winter, so Autumn's great because it's just in the middle. Thick jumpers, hot chocolate and sofa cuddles. Lush.

So, this afternoon, Mr B and I are packing away summer and digging out the knitwear that'll get us through the next few months.

Bliss

Day 27 - Your worst habbit

I'm messy. Really messy, and a bit lazy, too.

If there's a chance of something being done for me, rather than me doing it, I'll sit back and watch it happen...!

Day 26 - Your week, in great detail

See day 25, rinse and repeat x 5, and then add two days of sleeping, reading, relaxing, exercising and cleaning my house!

Day 25 - Your day in detail

This is as detailed as I'm prepared to get!

5.45 - Alarm clock goes off, switched back off again
6.04 - Mr B comes to wake me up!
6.05 - Get up, get washed, get dressed
6.40 - Head downstairs, eat breakfast
6.50 - Leave home
7.15 - Arrive at work. Get coffee, log on. Check emails / facebook / blog
8.00 - Start work. Try not to kill stupid-ass colleagues
12.00 - Eat Lunch. At my desk
5.15 - Mr B picks me up to head home
5.45 - supermarket. Quick stop for "essentials"
6.15 - Get home. I chill out on the sofa for half an hour, while Mr B gets out of his suit etc.
6.45 / 7.00 - Get dinner
7.30 - Watch TV / go online / chill with the hubs
10.00 - Bed.
10.30 - Sleep.

Once Upon a Time...

This week's been pretty mental... I had a migraine for the first three days of the week, so bad that on Tuesday night I couldn't really see...

Mr B came and laid on the bed with me, and I asked him to read to me. He wasn't up for that, so I suggested that we make up our own story. I started with "Once Upon a time..." and left it for him to finish.

Nothing. Nada. It was like there was just a big gaping hole where his imagination should be. He couldn't think of anything.

So I continued with "... there lived a beautiful princes..."

Still nothing. I ended up getting so frustrated with his lack of imagination that I told him to leave me alone, and I'd come up with my own story!!

Luckily, after almost 18 hours of solid sleep, my migraine had gone.

I've been headache free since mid-afternoon on Wednesday, and I love being in my own head again!! Such a relief!
x

Day 24 - Where I live

Thoughtful Thursday

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your futures, and accepts you just the way you are.

Day 23 - A YouTube Video

Day 22 - A Website

The Verity Discussion Boards have been an absolute lifesaver for me.

There are lots of ladies also suffering with PCOS, who have oodles of advice, support and friendship. Whatever the question, there'll be someone there with an answer.

http://verity-pcos.org.uk/forum/

Just checking...

Today is day 51 of my cycle.

I'm well aware that it's not the longest cycle in history, but it's the longest I've had in the past 12 months or so, which is really disappointing. I really thought I was getting somewhere with my cycles...

Anyway, last night I had the sudden thought that I hadn't tested for a while, and what if (by some strange, flukey turn of fate!) I was actually a month pregnant without realising!? Wouldn't that be awesome???

Why yes, of course it would be awesome. But things like that don't *just* happen for someone with PCOS! So I wasn't all that surprised or disappointed to get a BFN when I P'dOAS last night. I also OPK'd - there was no joy there, either.

So there's no sign of OV, there's no sign of AF, and I have no idea where I'm at....

Awesome.

Day 21 - a Recipe

I love to cook. This one's a recipe that I've discovered recently. It's quick, it's easy, and it's de-lish!

Chop some courgettes, peppers (I like red and orange), mushrooms, spring onions and fine beans.
Cook them in a frying pan until they're nicely done.
Whisk some eggs and pour over the veg.
Cook in the pan until the base is firm.
Sprinkle on some cheese, and cook under a grill until the top's cooked.

Eat it!

Yummy scrummy!!!

14 Mondays Left

Until Christmas.

Which means there's only 14 more Mondays here...!

Sunday night is followed by...

Monday morning.

I can't believe that another week's done. And that the weekend's over already.

But, on the plus side, it means I'm another week closer to leaving that hell hole!

Day 20 - A hobby of yours

I love making cards. And taking photos.

I'm not particularly good at either, but it chills me out and I enjoy it, so here are some photos of cards I've made!

You have to do more than just look at it...

When I set up this blog, it was supposed to be about Mr B and I trying for a baby (and it still is, really!) but I realised earlier this week that I haven't really said much about that for a while.

And it's because, in all honesty, there isn't much to tell.

We've actively been trying for a baby since we got back from our honeymoon in May, which I know isn't a particularly long time. I'm tracking and my temperature, and using ovulation prediction kits (for what use they are!). I'm currently at day 47 of this "months" cycle, with no sign of ovulation....

Part of the problem is that we're sooo tirrred!!!! We're both working 10 hour days (and have been since last December) and we're out of the house for 12, so when we do finally fall in to bed, sleep tends to be the thing we're most interested in doing!

I'm also conscious that I don't want Mr B to feel as though I'm just interested in his spermies (which is difficult when I'm saying, "I know you're tired, but it's the right time...!).

We know that it's going to be a long journey for us - that is one of the plus sides of me being diagnosed so young - we know the battles we face.

Mr B and I want to be parents more than anything. And I reckon we'd be pretty good at it, too.

We'll get there.

Eventually.

Day 19 - A Talent of Yours

I'm not really a particularly talented person... so nothing to report here, I'm afraid!

Day 18 - Your wedding, past present or future

Our wedding day was November 7th 2009.

It had rained all week in the run up to the wedding, so I was pretty much expecting that it would be a wash out (that's what you get for having a wedding in November in the UK!). But I woke up on the morning of the wedding to a text message from my cousin saying "beautiful day for a wedding". And it really was. The sun shone and there wasn't a drop of rain. It was a bit cold at times, but overall it was a magical day with our family and close friends.

When I started blogging, I promised Mr B that I wouldn't post any pictures of him, which is why the piccies are a bit "abstract" !

Day 17 - An Art Piece

I'm gonna skip this one... Art isn't really my thing!!

In fact, I'd go as far to say that I'm completely ignorant, and maybe that's something I should try to change... ?

Thoughtful Thursday

If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there.

Lewis Carroll

Facebook is evil.

I just logged on to see the following update from one of my friends:

Yes I'm getting fat, but it's allowed...it's a baby

So apparently I need to be having a baby for my weight to be ok....

Day 16 - A song that makes you cry

This one's an easy one.

Eva Cassidy, Song Bird.

It was the song that they carried my uncle in to at his funeral. I was at a wedding last year and it was actually their first dance. I had to leave and go for a cigarette and a cry.

So sleepy...!

I slept so well last night, but I'm really suffering this morning. I think I've got a kidney infection, too - I've been in quite a lot of pain over the last 18 hours or so. Really frustrating, but nothing I can do about it!

It's so frustrating that, less than three working days after a week off, I'm so tired and run down again. If anything, I think it highlights to me how incredibly drained I am by this job...

To that end, I've frantically been looking for something new. I can't keep doing it, and I think the office move in December is the perfect deadline for me.

I've got fat club tonight. I didn't go last week, so I'm a little bit nervous about how I'll've got on. My plan had been to go to the gym every day last week while we were off, and that just didn't happen. In fact, I don't remember the last time I went.... I need to get back in the habit, but I really don't have the energy....

Day 15 - Your Dream House

Open plan

Light

Airy

Garden

4 Bedroom

Beautiful kitchen

Big bathroom

I don't want much, do I...

One Day Back

After one day back in the office, I already feel crap. I'm finding it hard to believe that I had a week off last week!!

I'm absolutely shattered, but things can only get better, surely!?

I sent an email to the recruitment agent today and told her about the pending office move, and that being a "deadline" on the job junt.

I'm currently at CD43... Last "month" I ovulated at CD44(ish) so I'm going to get some action with Mr B!! Haha!!

On a completely different not, I read today that 21% of parents have forgotten how to play with their children.... That's a huge amount of people that just don't prioritise spending time with their children. That's really sad...

Day 14 - a non fictional book

This is a book I read time and again. Although I've listed it on Day 14 as a non fictional book, it is kind of a non fictional book, too...

It's the story of a young boy (Joseph) who meets Sam (the genie) and Sam teaches the boy about positivity and how you can change the way you feel about situations just by changing the way you approach it in your head.

Less than an hour

The amount of time I've been back in the office.

I'm already hideously pissed off.

I hadn't even switched my computer on before some dick head started reeling off a list of things I needed to get done today.

Seriously? You don't think the 183 emails are a priority of mine?

Someone's been using my desk / computer, so the desktop's clogged up with shit (that I'm tempted to delete) and there's stuff all over my desk.

So fricking annoying!!

Day 13 - A fictional book

I always have a book or two on the go, so I'll go with the one I'm reading at the moment...

Careless in Red by Elizabeth George

day 12 - Something you are OCD about

There isn't really anything I'm OCD about, really.

I'm relatively laid back about everything.... Although more recently, I'm starting to get OCD about temping, charting and doing the deed!

Hello, Weekend!

I've been off all week, so the weekend only really signifies that I've achieved nothing on the "to do" list that I wrote for myself at the beginning of the week.

I aimed to go to the gym every day this week. I haven't.

I was going to start selling things on eBay this week. I haven't.

I was going to sort out about driving lessons this week. I haven't.

What I have done, though, is chill out and relax a bit. I've spent time with my hubby. I've watched crap TV. I've read books. I've slept and rested. I've enjoyed my time off.

I'm a little bit worried how I'll cope next week though - being back at work, and not able to have a little nap in the afternoon...!!

Day 11 - A photo taken of you recently

May 2010, at Mount Kenya National Reserve, heading out on a walking safari.

Day 10 - A Photo of you taken more than 10 years ago

This one's probably 20 years old... Butter wouldn't melt, huh?!

Day 9 - a Photo you took

So frustrating!

I'm so frustrated with myself at the moment.

I want a baby more than anything in the world, yet I can't seem to stop sabotaging myself.

I know I need to lose weight to help me get there, but I can't stop stuffing my face with crap.

I know I need to exercise to help me lose weight, but I can't stop coming up with excuses.

Because we're off this week, I was determined to get a head start on the diet and the exercise, but so far, I've achieved nothing. That said, I did spend nearly two hours this morning poring over recipe books etc, only to discover that I'd managed to confuse myself and get in a tizz that resulted in me crying, and getting nowhere with the shopping list.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm overthinking the diet, and need to simplify my thoughts and get my arse in gear. How else will I ever manage to get up the duff?

More than Chocolate...

Mr B and I were out shopping the other day and I saw a baby grow that said:

My Mummy Loves Me More Than Chocolate

It had me close to tears, because I really would love a baby more than chocolate....

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry / sad

My aunt and uncle. Taken just over 5 years ago. He died less than 12 months after it was taken.

I never realised how special he was to me until it was too late, and that makes me sad.

I'm Back!!

Mr B and I have been away to Bournemouth this weekend.

I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed when we arrived - I'd got it in to my head that we were going to Brighton. There's a big difference.

Namely, the age range of the people there. It appears that Bournemouth is where people go to wait to die... I literally felt the energy draining from me the longer I stayed there...

Anyway, we're home now.

We've got the whole week off work, and I can't wait. We've got a lot of stuff that we need to do, and one of them is me finding a new job.

And chilling out!!

Day 7 - A photo that makes you happy.

This photo really makes me smile...

It was a work night out back in 2007. One of the guys FELL ASLEEP in the middle of the club. Not only that, but he was so deeply asleep, that he didn't realise this was happening to him (that's his head under the t-shirt!). Check out my friend on the left and how hard he's laughing, too!!!

Day 6 - 20 of your favourite things

My bed

My Duvet

Mum

Dad

Brother

Holidays

Music

Sleep

Facebook (how sad, but I love how it's put me back in touch with people...)

Reading

Cuddles

Sex (I'm not gonna lie - I love it!)

Verity (It's been like a lifeline to me)

Autumn

My friends

Days out

Nights in

Shoes

Handbags!

Mr B

Day 5 - Your Favourite Quote

"Life May not be the party you expect, but now you're here, you may as well dance"

I don't know where I first heard it (or read it) or who said / wrote it, but I love it. I really think it sums up life - it sucks sometimes, but make the most of what you've got and enjoy it...

Day 4 - your favourite book

George's Marvellous Medicine was my favourite book when I was little, and one of the only books I've read more than once.

I remember my mum laughing so hard that she couldn't keep reading, which is a lovely memory to have, too.

I haven't read it for a while, but I'm going to dig it out again soon...

I'm not most people...

Most people would be excited because it's Friday, which means it's the end of the working week.

Most people would be super excited because they're away with their hubby this weekend, and not in work for more than a week.

Most people would be seeing today as the home run.

Turns out, I'm not Most people! I've been in the office for almost 2 hours already, and all I can think is that there's another 8 to go.

With two colleagues - one of whom I don't really like - very little motivation, and not much to do.

Great.

Day 3 - Your favourite TV Program

This one's a toughie - I don't think there's anything that I totally love, or would be disappointed to miss.

I enjoy Leverage, Castle and NCIS Los Angeles, because they're easy to watch and pass an hour or two when I'm trying to chill out after a tough day at work.

Other than that, I can't think of anything, although I do like reality trash, too...

Thoughtful Thursday

We are all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars

Oscar Wilde

Better off than on....

I lost a pound. Though I deserved more, but I'll take it as it is.

Damn diet.

Day 2 - Your favourite movie

It's not big, and it's not clever, but I love it.

This is my favourite scene

A little lie in...

I was knackered last night, so ended up going to bed super early.

Mr B sorta disturbed me when he came to bed 2 hours later, but nothing major, really. I slept tremendously.

Until... Mr B jumped up in a blind panic because we'd overslept. Him by an hour, me by 30 minutes. Mr B automatically started running around like a loon, while I just saw the plus side - we'd both had a little bit of extra sleep, and it least it wasn't tomorrow, when the school's go back.

In the end, he dropped me at work only 5 minutes later than usual. What's the worry!?

I've got slimming again tonight - not sure how I feel about that, to be honest. We'll see!