6 months, 3 stone

So, in 6 months from today,  it will be March 2nd.

That's my birthday. 

To be more precise,  that's my 30th birthday. 

It's fair to say that my life isn't where i envisaged it would be by the time I was 30, but frankly,  it's not worth worrying about.  I have a roof over my head, money in the bank (and a job to help keep it there), my health and a man who loves me.

But, I am trying to think of my 30th as a turning point. A bit like my wedding, I guess.

And with 6 months to go, I am aiming to lose 3 stone. 

Half a stone a month.  Doesn't seem to hard in theory, but considering I've been quite good for the past month but managed to GAIN that amount, it might be more difficult than I'd like. 

I'm only going to weigh every couple of weeks or so, and will try to report back!

Starting weight (something I've never disclosed on here!): 20 stone 2lb
Goal weight (@ 2nd March): 17 stone 2lb

Christmas Time...

Yes, I know it's still a few months away, but it's something that Mr B and I have been talking about for a while...

Ever since we moved in together (8 years ago on Friday!!), I've wanted to have Christmas in a different country.
I'm not a huge fan of Christmas, and I'd just like to see what it's like to not be at home. To not have to deal with the politics of whose house we're going to for the day (or who is coming to us), and all the other crap that goes with it.

But Mr B was dead against it. Christmas, for him, is all about family and spending time with them. I get that, but also think it's much "easier" for him. His family consists of his (still married) mum and dad and his brother. So spending time with them basically means the 5 of us being in one room together.

For me, there's my mum, my brother, my dad and his wife (who I don't like) and my grandparents. Spending time with the family is like a military operation. Working out who will be driving, where we'll be, who has to cook and how long we'll spend with each is not conducive to a relaxing day.

But, I got where Mr B was coming from, and I'd come to terms with not having a Christmas abroad any time soon.

Then, something unusual happened. Last Christmas, I put my foot down and said I wanted to spend Christmas day at home, just me and him. His brother - who had a new girlfriend - wanted to stay at home just the two of them, too. So that left Mr B's mum and dad at home on Christmas day, on their own, for the first time in 50 years. FIFTY YEARS!!!! They've always had Christmas with either their parents when they were younger, or their children as they've got older, and it was the first time that their parents weren't around and their children were doing their own thing.

And do you know what? They actually quite enjoyed it. And something clicked in Mr B. He decided that if they could do it once, they could do it again and maybe we should go away for Christmas this year! I totally held him to it, and within the first 3 days of being back at work, we'd booked the time off.

I wasn't sure, when I changed my job, that I'd be able to get the time off as I was the new girl, so we kept our plan to ourselves for a bit. But, about three weeks ago, I got the time off confirmed, and plans are back on track.

So much so, that we've told our families. My dad's not bothered, and my mum's quite jealous, but Mr B's parents were more than a little bit annoyed. They didn't actually say anything, but it was very obvious from what they didn't say, that they weren't happy. They obviously haven't considered that, if we weren't away, we'd've been at work apart from Christmas and boxing day when we'd be at my family's anyway, so they're not seeing any less of us than if we were in the same country as them.

I thought Mr B would back out and want to stay here, but actually, he's still keen, which is good. I am more excited about Christmas than I've been for a really long time. For me, Christmas is just another reminder that another year has passed and I'm still not a mummy. At least this year, I can spend the day doing something different, that hopefully won't make that quite so painful.

You're probably wondering where we're planning to go?

VIVA LAS VEGAS, BABY!!!!

July Date Night

So July's date "night" was one I was really looking forward to - a tourist day in London with lunch at a Gordon Ramsay restaurant and a trip on the London Eye.

Although the original plan was to go on The Eye, the more I thought about it, the more I realised how ambitious I'd been with thinking I'd be able to do that. I'm more than a little bit afraid of heights, and I'm a touch claustrophobic, so I didn't know that I'd be able to cope with it in the end! So instead, we did a bus tour round London.

We only live a 30 minute train journey from London, but we don't often go just to be "tourists". It's usually to see someone or do something specific, so it was actually really nice to just enjoy it for a day.

We've both said for a long time that we wanted to eat at a Gordon Ramsay place, and it was on our list for 2010, so it made sense to combine it with one of our dates, so I booked a table at The Savoy Grill for lunch.

I had a minor panic when someone at work said they went for her birthday and it cost them £400 for the 4 of them, but I knew the hubs and I would be ok with the set menu for lunch (Three courses for £34 each. Much more our budget.)

It was frigging amazing. The service, the food, the place itself. Fricking awesome.

I was a bit self conscious taking photos of the food in there, so they're not great but I ate (top row) baked beetroot with shallot, mozarella and toasted pine nuts; beef filet ravioli with garden peas and Eton mess. Hubs had duck egg mayonnaise, goats cheese and red onion tart and summer berry mille fueille. 

It was, without a doubt, the best meal I've ever had. And definitely worth the money. The service was immense, too - and despite the fact that we were both wearing jeans, I didn't feel under-dressed or that we were being "looked down on", which was nice. 

We then did the bus tour, which was pretty interesting - we both saw things that we'd never seen before, which was cool, and it's given us ideas for other date days in the future!! 

We're having to put August's date day on hold, though - it's to go to the theatre, and the local one is only showing kids stuff this month. I never thought of summer holidays when planning that one!! 

We will get there, just not this month. x

March Date Night

Howdy

As part of our list of 10 things to do in 2013, Mr B and I decided that we'd have a monthly date night. We were worried that we'd get stuck in the rut of going to dinner every month, so spent some time thinking of date nights for the rest of the year - some uber cheap, some not so much - divvied them up and put them in envelopes. Then, we can open each envelope on the 1st of the month and remind ourselves of this month's date and plan it.

I decided to kill several birds with one stone and include one of my personal things to achieve this year (being more crafty!) into putting together the envelopes - some of which I made from scratch, others I just decorated up.

So, March's date night was cinema night. In the interest of keeping costs as low as possible when going to the cinema (when the heck did that get so frigging expensive!) we decided that we'd sneak our own popcorn in and eat at home. 

We couldn't resist a bit of Pick n' Mix, though! 

We actually went late afternoon on Good Friday (leaving it right to the last minute!) and saw Identity Thief. BRILLIANT! I was in stitches!

Now we're a few days into April and looking forward to this month's date night... We're all raring to go!!

10 in 2013 - The Mr And Mrs Edition!

So as well as my personal list of ten things I wanted to achieve during this year, Mr B and I set a list of 10 things we wanted to achieve this year. Some are boring, housey, but necessary, others fun and coupley, in an attempt to help us focus on us in the midst of all the TTC misery that goes on.

Here goes:

1. Change internet provide. Boring, housey, but done. Have to say though, super-fast broadband from BT Infinity? Not really worth the wait.

2. Fix / Replace the Shower. This will be the fourth summer that we haven't had a working shower. We've managed without and had baths, but enough is enough, and I want a shower in our house again!!

3. Sort out the drive. I park my car on the front garden, and because of the rain it's a bit of a mud bath so that needs sorting. Particularly if I'm going to start driving more!

4. Monthly date nights. One night (or day!), every month, to make an effort to do something together. On Valentines day we wrote a list of things we want to do, divvied them out, and mixed them up. March's date night is a cinema night. We're yet to do it, but should be next weekend!

5. No TV, one night per week. We both like nothing more than sitting in front of the box, but sometimes it's nice to spend time without it on too! We don't have to do stuff together necessarily, we just have to be in the same room without the TV on!

6. Make The Most of The Weekends. Quite often, I'll go into work on a Monday morning and be asked what I did at the weekend, and I'll say "not much". What I actually mean is absolutely nothing. This weekend is a prime example - I haven't left the house since coming in from work on Friday! Sometimes, that's lush. But sometimes, I think we could definitely make more of the weekends. We don't have children yet, and one day we might look back and wish we'd done stuff while we had the chance.

7. At Least Two Holidays. Whilst we both had a holiday last year, we didn't go together. This year we're aiming to have two holidays. One in May and one later in the year. We've got Christmas week off, so we might go away for Christmas.

8. Get Fitter Blurgh. But, in line with my BMI reduction and our TTC, we need to be fitter.

9. Be More Social. We don't have many friends, but the ones we have are AWESOME. For whatever reason, we didn't see much of them last year and we want to change that this year!

10. Eat at a Gordon Ramsay Place. We're combining this with a date night later in the year. We've both wanted to do it for a while, and this will be the year for it!

Almost a quarter of the way through the year - should probably get cracking with these!!

Birthday Weekend - In Pictures

It was my birthday on Saturday - 29 years old (or 30 minus 1, as my mum kept saying). I had a lovely day back home with my mum and brother, and I was appropriately spoilt. As part of my 10in2013 challenge, I took a few photos... here are a few of them!

Mum had a birthday cake made for me.
Awesome

One of my favourite cards!

This badge was on the card Mr B bought

We went to Ikea (don't ask!) and no trip to Ikea is complete without a
slice of Dime Bar Cake! 

My little brother paid for me to have a new tattoo for my birthday.
It was less than half an hour old when I took the picture.
And, although it looks massive, it's actually smaller than a 5p
and will be "hidden" by my watch strap when it's healed

 Mr B, my mum, brother and I went for an awesome Chinese in the evening.

Wicked, wicked weekend!

Hope you had a good one, too.

10 for 2013

Last year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to achieve through the year. A bit like New Years resolutions, but not things I had to do RIGHT THEN and do forever.

My 10 in 2012 was a success in some ways (I passed my driving test and bought a car), but not so much in others (I'm still in the same job, and there's no Baby B), but overall it was something that I found useful.

So, I decided to right a new list for 2013.

Here it is:

1. Be Positive This is a carry over from last year. Sometimes, it's super easy to think of the bad stuff - the things I don't have or haven't achieved. But, spending just a couple of minutes every day thinking of the GOOD things really helps.

2. Get my BMI Below 40 This one is probably the toughest - not only as a physical challenge, but because it's the one I don't really agree with the most. I couldn't give a flying monkey crap about my BMI, but I want a baby. To have a baby, I need to get my PCOS under control. To get my PCOS under control, I need to lose weight. And quite frankly, I can't cope with another appointment with the consultant like we had back in January...

3. Take More Photos I love photos. But, I was really disappointed with the amount of photos I took last year so I want to take more this year. I think my main downfall is my smart phone, though - I take a whole load of photos on there that I do nothing with... D'oh!

4. Swear less (particularly at work!) I swear like a sailor. My language is FOUL and I've become more conscious of it - especially since I'm more unhappy at work. So, I want to cut down. And, I've started a charity swear jar to help. An F-bomb costs me 20p, and all others are 10p. I started mid January and have nearly £12 already! Having said that, I had 3 days this week without putting any in, and my language at home is much better, too!

5. Make more of an effort with my appearance. I have a massive amount of makeup and jewellery, but rarely use / wear it, so I want to start. Oh, and get my legs out more, too.

6. Be more crafty. I love crafting, but haven't done much really. It's a real release for me - I fully concentrate on it and relax.

7. Drive more! Although I passed my driving test, I don't really drive very often. I'm paid a bonus every month for not driving to work, and that more than pays for my bus fare, so I don't drive to work. I also don't drive places I don't know, because I panic about parking.... I need to (wo)man up, and just start doing it!

8. Cook new recipes / more regularly Cooking is another thing I love, but don't do enough of. I think like most people, I have my staple recipes and tend to stick to them, but I want to be more adventurous!

9. Bake a cake I am 28 years old and I have never baked a cake without the help of my mum or a teacher. I will rectify that this year!

10. Change job Another roll over from last year, but I'm determined. I am better than the job I'm currently doing. And I will prove it!

I also managed to get Mr B to agree to doing a joint 10 for 2013 which I'll share soon!

Wish me luck!

New Start

The start of the year hasn't really been all that great - I ended up with Norovirus on New Year's Day and it wiped me out for the best part of 6 days. Then, on Tuesday, we had our second appointment with the gyne clinic to see how things are progressing.

Now, I'm not going to lie - the weight hasn't come off anywhere near like it should have. But, the dietician had been very positive about my progress and suggested that I make them aware that, although my weight hasn't changed all that much, I have lost inches, particularly from around my waist. From her perspective, that was better for me than losing weight, anyway.

We saw a different consultant this time to the one we saw at our first appointment, and I knew it wasn't going to go well when he said that I have "PCOS because of my size, obviously".
That, in itself isn't true.

He asked how the weight loss had gone and I admitted that since my last appointment I'd only lost 4 / 5lbs, but that I had lost 18.5cms.
"Sorry, you've lost me", he said, "What do you mean you've lost 18.5cms?"
"Well, I've measured myself - waist, hips, everywhere - and I've lost 18.5cms", I replied.
"That doesn't make sense. How can you lose CMs if you've not lost weight?", he said, looking at me as if I were stupid.
I looked at Mr B, and said "Well, it's muscle definition, isn't it? I'm changing the shape of muscle".
He continued to look at me as if I was stupid and said "Well that just doesn't make any sense. I don't understand that, so I don't believe it can be true".

What. The. Actual. F*ck.

Both my personal trainer AND the dietician have been really pleased with the lower measurements, and I've been on enough diets to know that they encourage you to measure yourself because even when you're not losing weight you can be losing the inches.

He then went on to lecture me, in an incredibly patronising way, about how to lose weight and how it would help not only with trying for a baby, but with my whole life. "Just think", he said, "about the impact it'll have".
Obviously making the assumption that because I'm fat, I'm unhappy.

In the end, (I think because he could see I was about to snap), Mr B asked what the aim was.

"Obviously", he said, "the ideal BMI is 25, but that's a long way off, so I think that perhaps trying to get it down as much as possible is the way to go."

"When we were here last time, I was told to aim for 40. Is that realistic?" I said.

"Well, y'know, we'd have to see. It's hard to say, really", he said,  in a really noncommittal way.

"Right well I want to know - if I come back here with a BMI of 40, will you be telling me to go away again
 until it's 35?", I pushed.

"In all honesty, I'd have to see you. Like I said, 25 is ideal, but if you were at that, we wouldn't be having this conversation because you wouldn't have the PCOS. Y'know, all of the symptoms of PCOS are reversible through weight loss", he said, glancing at my beard.

If it hadn't been for the fact that I was almost in tears because of the way he'd spoken to me, I would have corrected him. And given him a little extra piece of my mind. As it was, I was close to crying and / or punching him in the face, so I got my next appointment and walked out.

I got as far as the waiting room before the tears started. It was a relief, though, when Mr B exclaimed that "He was a cock", because I was worried that I was being overly sensitive.

He was a nasty, horrible man who took one look at me and decided it was my fault because I was fat. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't actually think PCOS were a real condition - he obviously knows nothing about it and is far too arrogant to learn.

I spent most of the rest of the day in tears, and was still pretty delicate on Wednesday. But now I'm angry and determined to lose the weight.

I'm also going to look into the NHS Choices scheme, to see if I can refuse to see him again, or find a consultant that specialises in PCOS.

But, for now, the plan is to get back on it and prove him wrong.

Arsehole.

Super quick

I know its been an age since I posted. I was getting good, too!

I sort of got myself into a bit of a funk, so I've been hibernating a bit.

The weight isn't coming off in quite the way I'd hoped, but the exercise is meaning that my shape is changing. When my trainer measured me a week ago, I had lost a total of 19 centimeters - 12 of those from around my waist, which is both awesome and very encouraging.

Frustratingly, the way my clothes fit isn't what the Dr is looking at...

I'm back for a re-do of my hsg in a week - they refused to do it at my last appointment, but that's a whole new post - and its only 9 week to my follow up. I'm not hopeful.

Anyway, out with Mr B this evening for dinner, so must go beautify!

Under Pressure

It's fair to say that I've felt the pressure this week. I think the realisation of what we're facing has finally caught up with me this week and I've just had a meltdown (I'm also really hoping that there's a premenstrual element to it, too - more that 90 days since AF's last visit. )

Anyway, on Tuesday I had a good old weep at Mr B, worried that I wasn't going to be able to lose the weight I need to lose.

On Wednesday, the same thing happened.

"You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself," Mr B said. 

It's easier said than done though, isn't it, really?

It's ME that doesn't work properly.

It's ME that has to lose the weight.

It's ME the doctors are judging.

It's MY fault we don't have a baby yet.

It's ME that's chasing the referrals, appointments, letters and what not.

Add to that the hell that is currently my work, and it's all just got a bit much this week.

I spoke to my mum yesterday and she suggested that I give something like pilates a go. Something to relax me, take my mind off things.

Because, as she pointed out, we're only at the beginning of it all.

And So It Begins

So, we left the appointment with a small (yet significant) spring in our step.

We got our next appointment for 4 months time.

I had my target - losing 6 BMI points (is that the right word? Are they points? If not, what the heck are they!?).

As we left the hospital, Mr B turned to me and said "So, how much weight is 6 BMI points, then?".

I looked at him, shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I've got no f*cking idea".

It didn't matter - all I knew was that I was going to try my hardest to lose it.

As it turns out, losing 3 stone would put my BMI at 39.8.

Losing 4 stone would put it at 37.4.

My aim is to lose 3 stone by October 23rd.

It's not going to be easy, but I am determined.

I know I'm rubbish!

I know, I'm rubbish.

I haven't blogged for ages (er, hello, what is the new blogger layout all about, anyway!), but thought I'd update quickly now.

In all honesty, I haven't blogged because I rarely turn on the computer any more. Since getting my SmartPhone at Christmas, it's easier to do just about everything on that, rather than plugging in / turning on / updating etc the laptop! MUST TRY HARDER...

Since my last post, things have been pretty good. We've got our appointment through for the consultant on the 19th June. It means that I'm (yet again) full of TheFear, but I'm going into it with my eyes open and anticipating the worst. If he tries to send me away until I've lost more weight I will ask him how much he'd like me to lose, when will he be seeing me again, and what help can I get in losing the weight.

I know I could be stricter with my diet (who couldn't!) but, for the last 7 years I have been within a stone of my current weight. So, although not an ideal weight, it is at least steady.

This weekend I booked a holiday with my mum, too. I'm really excited (but nowhere near as excited as she is!) and I'm now thinking of my diet as a holiday diet, rather than a baby diet. I think that, subconsciously, the baby diet is a hell of a lot harder to do!

Other things have happened too, but I'm not convinced they're all that exciting.

I will try to be back soon, but no promises. If nothing else, I'll let you know how we get on at the hospital!

Have you tried...

I've always been really honest with people about my PCOS and how it affects me.

It hasn't really occurred to me that it wouldn't be the same when we started on the baby making path. Mr B would probably prefer that I didn't talk to our friends about it (although he knows I do), but so long as I don't talk abou tit to them in front of him, he's ok about it.

What has amazed me about it has been some of the comments that I've had about it from people that I thought would know better.

For example, my mum text me to say "[My colleague] who has PCOS said to try Agnus Castus and Evening Primrose...".
Thanks Mum. I've tried that.

Another friend text me to tell me that her friend (who has PCOS) is pregnant for the second time and she used the fertility friend app. Maybe I should give that a go.
Thanks buddy. I subscribed 2 years ago.

I think people forget that, although we're only just starting to get the doctors involved, we have been trying this for a while. Over 2 years in fact. I've taken the supplements. I've charted my temperatures and checked my cervical mucus. I've tried tipping myself upside down after we've done the deed. We've tried doing it every day. We've tried doing it every other day.

I know they're only trying to help, but it makes me want to scream!!

Snapping out of it...

Mr B and I spent the Easter weekend together - four whole days with no decorating, just chilling out, catching up and spending time with each other.

At the end of the weekend, I realised it was the first weekend in a while that I wasn't on my own, thinking about test results or babies or PCOS or anything along those lines, and I realised that it was completely taking over everything. But it was nice that it hadn't taken over Easter.

I decided that, once the eggs were gone on Monday, that was it.

I'm back on the diet.

I'm exercising again (Zumba this evening, and the gym tomorrow).

I want a baby, and it's about time I started acting like it.

My own kinda funk

So yet again, it's been a while since I blogged.

I've been in a bit of a downward spiral of self pity since The Results came in. It's not been helped by the fact that I've spent a lot of time on my own as Mr B has been decorating his study. It meant that in the evenings and at the weekends I've been left with a lot of time to spare, hanging out in my own head, which is never a good thing!

I went for my day 21 progesterone test 2 and a half weeks ago. When I rang on the Friday for my results (purely out of curiousity) the receptionist told me that the Dr wanted to see me for a routine appointment to discuss the results.
This confused me a little, because my understanding had been that whatever the results were, my Dr was going to refer us (the actual test was more of box ticking exercise than anything else!). After a bit of an argument with the receptionist, I finally got to speak to a Dr about the results, and it turned out that MY Dr hadn't seen the results - it was another Dr that was requesting an appointment.  (If you've stuck with that, well done!)

ANYWAY, the long and short of the story is that I'm not ovulating. At least, I wasn't ovulating the day I had the blood test.

Although I've known for more than 10 years that I've got PCOS and my fertility was going to be an issue, it's all been much tougher than I thought it was going to be.

When we got the results from Mr B's SA, it was massively bittersweet for me. I was over the moon that everything was good for him, but felt like all the pressure was on me if we were going to have a baby.

Then, when we found out that I'm not ovulating (maybe), that felt like another slap in the face for me, too.

Like I said, I've had too much time in my own head with this stuff recently.

I'm on the up though, I promise ;-)

"You're quite lucky there, then..."

When I went to visit my dad and his wife at the weekend, they asked about whether Mr B and I had any holiday plans for this year.

That seemed like the right time to explain that, at the moment, we're not making any holiday plans for this year because we're having fertility tests and we don't know what's going to be going on. (Side note - this isn't us "putting life on hold", this is us not wanting to commit to an expensive holiday later in the year if there's a possibility I might be up the duff and not want to travel. That said, it's not looking likely that that will be the case this year, so we're probably going away after all. That's a whole different story, though...)

My dad and his wife are aware that I have PCOS, but I'm not sure they really understand what it means. I've talked to them about it before, and my dad at least seems to understand that being a mum is something that I really want, and I'd love nothing more than to make him a Grandad.

My dad's wife, on the other hand, is pretty awful. We don't get on - not just in a wicked step mother way - she's genuinely not a very nice person and I wouldn't get on with her whatever. In fact, I wouldn't chose to spend time with her if it weren't for my dad.
She doesn't have any children of her own, and apparently doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. She is, quite frankly, weird and insensitive, and doesn't really "get it".

I explained that, while we knew about my PCOS and that being a problem, Mr B had to be tested, too, and until we knew what route we'd have to take (and ultimately how much it might cost) we didn't want to commit to an expensive holiday.

At which, she said "Is that what you think it is, then - this PCOS". I said "Well yeah, we know that's having an effect. I'm pretty sure I'm not ovulating, and only have 4 or 5 periods a year, so...".

Her reply? "Well, you're quite lucky there, then".

I looked at her and tried to get my head round what she'd said. Had she really been as stupid to suggest, after I'd just told her we were having fertility tests done, that I was quite lucky. Apparently yes.

I turned to her and said "What, you mean lucky that I don't have many periods? Yeah, I guess I am. Except it means my body isn't working properly and I can't have the baby that I want. So, not really that lucky after all. Idiot".

I expect insensitive comments from people, but sort of assumed that it would be "outsiders" making them.

I was wrong....

The Results...

We were at the doctors last night to get Mr B's SA results.

I had TheFear all week, and in fact it made me incredibly moody and miserable for the past week.

As it happens, though, the worry was for nothing. His lil' swimmers are all good (although their shape could be a bit better, apparently). They're super mobile, but swimming around without much of a purpose thanks to my horrendous ovaries.

I have to have a day 21 progesterone test done, so that's booked for Monday. We think this is day 21, but the doctor isn't too worried about chasing it - if it's not Monday, never mind, she'll refer us anyway.

I left the doctors with mixed feelings about the results.

I know that it's much better for us that Mr B's swimmer's are all good. I know that our options are much better because of his healthy spermies. I know that are chances are probably better, too.

But I also know that, if he so wanted, he could go and hook up with Little Miss Healthy Womb and have babies without all of the medical intervention. I know that if we don't get to have babies, it'll all be down to me.

That's pretty sucky.

We've obviously talked about it, and he's told me that he'd rather be childless with me than a Daddy with someone else. But I can't help wondering how much he really means that and how much he's saying that because he has to.

Will he wake up one day in years to come, when we're surrounded by cats instead of grandchildren, and resent me because I wasn't able to give him children?

Only time will tell, I guess...

The Results Are In...

So, Mr B's SA results are back at the Doctors.

As yet, we don't know what they are. We have a joint appointment on the 20th March to find out the results and what are options are.

That means 10 days to live with TheFear. I don't know what will be worse - finding out that he has problems too (so we're doubly stuck) or finding out that he's fine and it's all down to me.

Happy Birthday to Me

My birthday has been something that I've been thinking about a lot this time, though.

I'm 28 this year. There are a lot of things that I thought I would have by the time I was 28. A lot of them, I have - a husband, a mortgage and a car!!

But, there are other things that I thought I'd have and I don't - an awesome job is one, but a baby (or two!) is the other obvious one.

I'm trying to focus on the things that I DO have, rather than the things that I DON'T have.

But, y'know, it's not always that easy....

In the meantime, Mr B and I are going to this hotel for the night - we've got the Winter Warmer package, so half a bottle of champers and a 5 course tasting meal will be enjoyed by us both.

Can't wait!

Making a deposit

I've been a bit quiet on here again, primarily because there's not really been much going on.

Tomorrow, however, Mr B makes his "deposit" for his SA.

I can't believe it's tomorrow - we've been waiting for the appointment for such a long time, it feels a bit unreal that it's here now!

I'm quite nervous about what it's going to mean for us...