I'm a month in to my 6 month challenge to lose 3 stone before my 30th birthday and I had my first weigh in this morning.
In theory, I need to lose 7lb a month in order to hit my target. In reality, losing anything is a bonus.
So this month, I've lost 4lb.
It's not the best start, but it's not the worst, either. I haven't really been all that good, and I can DEFINITELY exercise more, but it's a loss all the same.
Starting weight (2nd September): 20 stone 2lb
1st month weigh in (2nd October): 19 stone 12lb
Total loss: 4lb
Goal weight (@ 2nd March): 17 stone 2lb
Showing posts with label weightloss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weightloss. Show all posts
02/10/2013
01/03/2013
10 for 2013
Last year, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to achieve through the year. A bit like New Years resolutions, but not things I had to do RIGHT THEN and do forever.
My 10 in 2012 was a success in some ways (I passed my driving test and bought a car), but not so much in others (I'm still in the same job, and there's no Baby B), but overall it was something that I found useful.
So, I decided to right a new list for 2013.
Here it is:
1. Be Positive This is a carry over from last year. Sometimes, it's super easy to think of the bad stuff - the things I don't have or haven't achieved. But, spending just a couple of minutes every day thinking of the GOOD things really helps.
2. Get my BMI Below 40 This one is probably the toughest - not only as a physical challenge, but because it's the one I don't really agree with the most. I couldn't give a flying monkey crap about my BMI, but I want a baby. To have a baby, I need to get my PCOS under control. To get my PCOS under control, I need to lose weight. And quite frankly, I can't cope with another appointment with the consultant like we had back in January...
3. Take More Photos I love photos. But, I was really disappointed with the amount of photos I took last year so I want to take more this year. I think my main downfall is my smart phone, though - I take a whole load of photos on there that I do nothing with... D'oh!
4. Swear less (particularly at work!) I swear like a sailor. My language is FOUL and I've become more conscious of it - especially since I'm more unhappy at work. So, I want to cut down. And, I've started a charity swear jar to help. An F-bomb costs me 20p, and all others are 10p. I started mid January and have nearly £12 already! Having said that, I had 3 days this week without putting any in, and my language at home is much better, too!
5. Make more of an effort with my appearance. I have a massive amount of makeup and jewellery, but rarely use / wear it, so I want to start. Oh, and get my legs out more, too.
6. Be more crafty. I love crafting, but haven't done much really. It's a real release for me - I fully concentrate on it and relax.
7. Drive more! Although I passed my driving test, I don't really drive very often. I'm paid a bonus every month for not driving to work, and that more than pays for my bus fare, so I don't drive to work. I also don't drive places I don't know, because I panic about parking.... I need to (wo)man up, and just start doing it!
8. Cook new recipes / more regularly Cooking is another thing I love, but don't do enough of. I think like most people, I have my staple recipes and tend to stick to them, but I want to be more adventurous!
9. Bake a cake I am 28 years old and I have never baked a cake without the help of my mum or a teacher. I will rectify that this year!
10. Change job Another roll over from last year, but I'm determined. I am better than the job I'm currently doing. And I will prove it!
I also managed to get Mr B to agree to doing a joint 10 for 2013 which I'll share soon!
Wish me luck!
My 10 in 2012 was a success in some ways (I passed my driving test and bought a car), but not so much in others (I'm still in the same job, and there's no Baby B), but overall it was something that I found useful.
So, I decided to right a new list for 2013.
Here it is:
1. Be Positive This is a carry over from last year. Sometimes, it's super easy to think of the bad stuff - the things I don't have or haven't achieved. But, spending just a couple of minutes every day thinking of the GOOD things really helps.
2. Get my BMI Below 40 This one is probably the toughest - not only as a physical challenge, but because it's the one I don't really agree with the most. I couldn't give a flying monkey crap about my BMI, but I want a baby. To have a baby, I need to get my PCOS under control. To get my PCOS under control, I need to lose weight. And quite frankly, I can't cope with another appointment with the consultant like we had back in January...
3. Take More Photos I love photos. But, I was really disappointed with the amount of photos I took last year so I want to take more this year. I think my main downfall is my smart phone, though - I take a whole load of photos on there that I do nothing with... D'oh!
4. Swear less (particularly at work!) I swear like a sailor. My language is FOUL and I've become more conscious of it - especially since I'm more unhappy at work. So, I want to cut down. And, I've started a charity swear jar to help. An F-bomb costs me 20p, and all others are 10p. I started mid January and have nearly £12 already! Having said that, I had 3 days this week without putting any in, and my language at home is much better, too!
5. Make more of an effort with my appearance. I have a massive amount of makeup and jewellery, but rarely use / wear it, so I want to start. Oh, and get my legs out more, too.
6. Be more crafty. I love crafting, but haven't done much really. It's a real release for me - I fully concentrate on it and relax.
7. Drive more! Although I passed my driving test, I don't really drive very often. I'm paid a bonus every month for not driving to work, and that more than pays for my bus fare, so I don't drive to work. I also don't drive places I don't know, because I panic about parking.... I need to (wo)man up, and just start doing it!
8. Cook new recipes / more regularly Cooking is another thing I love, but don't do enough of. I think like most people, I have my staple recipes and tend to stick to them, but I want to be more adventurous!
9. Bake a cake I am 28 years old and I have never baked a cake without the help of my mum or a teacher. I will rectify that this year!
10. Change job Another roll over from last year, but I'm determined. I am better than the job I'm currently doing. And I will prove it!
I also managed to get Mr B to agree to doing a joint 10 for 2013 which I'll share soon!
Wish me luck!
31/01/2013
Get into the Groove
Howdy
It's been quite difficult, since Christmas, to get into a groove of eating and exercising. Because of the snow, Weight Watchers was cancelled, and it was difficult to get to the gym as often as we'd have liked.
Weight Watchers was back in full swing this week, though. Unfortunately, I gained half a pound. In the grand scheme of things (considering I'd been left to my own devices for 3 weeks) that wasn't too bad. However, in 6 weeks I've only lost 2.5lbs over all, which isn't great. Actually, it's pretty appalling and not really motivational when I'm supposed to be on a mission.
I spoke to the group leader on Monday about what I'm eating, and it turns out that I might not be eating enough.
Then, on Tuesday, when I was speaking to my personal trainer, she's suggested that I'm probably not exercising enough, either, and I should look at WHAT I'm eating, to see if that's a factor.
I already know that bread makes me bloat. A lot. In an ideal world, I'd cut it out altogether, but it's all too easy to grab a sandwich for lunch or toast for breakfast.
My plan for the next couple of weeks is to:
* Eat more Pro Points
* Get into an exercise routine
* Make a conscious effort not to eat bread. As much.
I'm hoping that will have an impact on my weightloss... finger's crossed! x
It's been quite difficult, since Christmas, to get into a groove of eating and exercising. Because of the snow, Weight Watchers was cancelled, and it was difficult to get to the gym as often as we'd have liked.
Weight Watchers was back in full swing this week, though. Unfortunately, I gained half a pound. In the grand scheme of things (considering I'd been left to my own devices for 3 weeks) that wasn't too bad. However, in 6 weeks I've only lost 2.5lbs over all, which isn't great. Actually, it's pretty appalling and not really motivational when I'm supposed to be on a mission.
I spoke to the group leader on Monday about what I'm eating, and it turns out that I might not be eating enough.
Then, on Tuesday, when I was speaking to my personal trainer, she's suggested that I'm probably not exercising enough, either, and I should look at WHAT I'm eating, to see if that's a factor.
I already know that bread makes me bloat. A lot. In an ideal world, I'd cut it out altogether, but it's all too easy to grab a sandwich for lunch or toast for breakfast.
My plan for the next couple of weeks is to:
* Eat more Pro Points
* Get into an exercise routine
* Make a conscious effort not to eat bread. As much.
I'm hoping that will have an impact on my weightloss... finger's crossed! x
20/01/2013
Frustrating!
So it's been snowing this week.
It looks pretty and everything, but it turns everything into such a MISSION. I hate it. On Friday, I left work at 10.50 and walked in the door at 1.15. It's usually a 25 minute journey in bad traffic. Joy.
The other frustrating thing is that, last Monday, my Weight Watchers meeting was cancelled due to 'elf n safety. And, with the snow still coming down now, I can't help thinking that tomorrow's meeting will be cancelled too.
I find it really difficult to stick to plan when I don't weigh in. It's as if I think I can reel it back in BEFORE next week.
I've tried to be good this week,I've stuck to plan, and I've exercised more, but...
I did a sneaky weigh this morning, and it suggested that I've gained a pound. Having looked back through my food diary, I actually don't think I've eaten enough. That, in itself, confuses me. I've eaten three meals a day, and snacked. I've not been hungry, but I'm well under my daily allowances. If I ate more, I'd be eating just for the sake of it.
Grr!
15/01/2013
Determined!
So I've made a start this week with kicking the fatness' ass and proving the consultant wrong!
We went to the gym on Sunday - the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, I only managed about half an hour, which I think is mainly due to not being 100% over the sickness bug yet.
Weight watchers was cancelled last night because of the snow, but a home weigh in revealed a 2lb loss!
And tonight I saw my personal trainer for the first time this year. I loved it! And she bought me the slow cooker recipe book, which I'm super excited about.
We went to the gym on Sunday - the first time in a long time. Unfortunately, I only managed about half an hour, which I think is mainly due to not being 100% over the sickness bug yet.
Weight watchers was cancelled last night because of the snow, but a home weigh in revealed a 2lb loss!
And tonight I saw my personal trainer for the first time this year. I loved it! And she bought me the slow cooker recipe book, which I'm super excited about.
12/01/2013
New Start
The start of the year hasn't really been all that great - I ended up with Norovirus on New Year's Day and it wiped me out for the best part of 6 days. Then, on Tuesday, we had our second appointment with the gyne clinic to see how things are progressing.
Now, I'm not going to lie - the weight hasn't come off anywhere near like it should have. But, the dietician had been very positive about my progress and suggested that I make them aware that, although my weight hasn't changed all that much, I have lost inches, particularly from around my waist. From her perspective, that was better for me than losing weight, anyway.
We saw a different consultant this time to the one we saw at our first appointment, and I knew it wasn't going to go well when he said that I have "PCOS because of my size, obviously".
That, in itself isn't true.
He asked how the weight loss had gone and I admitted that since my last appointment I'd only lost 4 / 5lbs, but that I had lost 18.5cms.
"Sorry, you've lost me", he said, "What do you mean you've lost 18.5cms?"
"Well, I've measured myself - waist, hips, everywhere - and I've lost 18.5cms", I replied.
"That doesn't make sense. How can you lose CMs if you've not lost weight?", he said, looking at me as if I were stupid.
I looked at Mr B, and said "Well, it's muscle definition, isn't it? I'm changing the shape of muscle".
He continued to look at me as if I was stupid and said "Well that just doesn't make any sense. I don't understand that, so I don't believe it can be true".
What. The. Actual. F*ck.
Both my personal trainer AND the dietician have been really pleased with the lower measurements, and I've been on enough diets to know that they encourage you to measure yourself because even when you're not losing weight you can be losing the inches.
He then went on to lecture me, in an incredibly patronising way, about how to lose weight and how it would help not only with trying for a baby, but with my whole life. "Just think", he said, "about the impact it'll have".
Obviously making the assumption that because I'm fat, I'm unhappy.
In the end, (I think because he could see I was about to snap), Mr B asked what the aim was.
"Obviously", he said, "the ideal BMI is 25, but that's a long way off, so I think that perhaps trying to get it down as much as possible is the way to go."
"When we were here last time, I was told to aim for 40. Is that realistic?" I said.
"Well, y'know, we'd have to see. It's hard to say, really", he said, in a really noncommittal way.
"Right well I want to know - if I come back here with a BMI of 40, will you be telling me to go away again
until it's 35?", I pushed.
"In all honesty, I'd have to see you. Like I said, 25 is ideal, but if you were at that, we wouldn't be having this conversation because you wouldn't have the PCOS. Y'know, all of the symptoms of PCOS are reversible through weight loss", he said, glancing at my beard.
If it hadn't been for the fact that I was almost in tears because of the way he'd spoken to me, I would have corrected him. And given him a little extra piece of my mind. As it was, I was close to crying and / or punching him in the face, so I got my next appointment and walked out.
I got as far as the waiting room before the tears started. It was a relief, though, when Mr B exclaimed that "He was a cock", because I was worried that I was being overly sensitive.
He was a nasty, horrible man who took one look at me and decided it was my fault because I was fat. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't actually think PCOS were a real condition - he obviously knows nothing about it and is far too arrogant to learn.
I spent most of the rest of the day in tears, and was still pretty delicate on Wednesday. But now I'm angry and determined to lose the weight.
I'm also going to look into the NHS Choices scheme, to see if I can refuse to see him again, or find a consultant that specialises in PCOS.
But, for now, the plan is to get back on it and prove him wrong.
Arsehole.
Now, I'm not going to lie - the weight hasn't come off anywhere near like it should have. But, the dietician had been very positive about my progress and suggested that I make them aware that, although my weight hasn't changed all that much, I have lost inches, particularly from around my waist. From her perspective, that was better for me than losing weight, anyway.
We saw a different consultant this time to the one we saw at our first appointment, and I knew it wasn't going to go well when he said that I have "PCOS because of my size, obviously".
That, in itself isn't true.
He asked how the weight loss had gone and I admitted that since my last appointment I'd only lost 4 / 5lbs, but that I had lost 18.5cms.
"Sorry, you've lost me", he said, "What do you mean you've lost 18.5cms?"
"Well, I've measured myself - waist, hips, everywhere - and I've lost 18.5cms", I replied.
"That doesn't make sense. How can you lose CMs if you've not lost weight?", he said, looking at me as if I were stupid.
I looked at Mr B, and said "Well, it's muscle definition, isn't it? I'm changing the shape of muscle".
He continued to look at me as if I was stupid and said "Well that just doesn't make any sense. I don't understand that, so I don't believe it can be true".
What. The. Actual. F*ck.
Both my personal trainer AND the dietician have been really pleased with the lower measurements, and I've been on enough diets to know that they encourage you to measure yourself because even when you're not losing weight you can be losing the inches.
He then went on to lecture me, in an incredibly patronising way, about how to lose weight and how it would help not only with trying for a baby, but with my whole life. "Just think", he said, "about the impact it'll have".
Obviously making the assumption that because I'm fat, I'm unhappy.
In the end, (I think because he could see I was about to snap), Mr B asked what the aim was.
"Obviously", he said, "the ideal BMI is 25, but that's a long way off, so I think that perhaps trying to get it down as much as possible is the way to go."
"When we were here last time, I was told to aim for 40. Is that realistic?" I said.
"Well, y'know, we'd have to see. It's hard to say, really", he said, in a really noncommittal way.
"Right well I want to know - if I come back here with a BMI of 40, will you be telling me to go away again
until it's 35?", I pushed.
"In all honesty, I'd have to see you. Like I said, 25 is ideal, but if you were at that, we wouldn't be having this conversation because you wouldn't have the PCOS. Y'know, all of the symptoms of PCOS are reversible through weight loss", he said, glancing at my beard.
If it hadn't been for the fact that I was almost in tears because of the way he'd spoken to me, I would have corrected him. And given him a little extra piece of my mind. As it was, I was close to crying and / or punching him in the face, so I got my next appointment and walked out.
I got as far as the waiting room before the tears started. It was a relief, though, when Mr B exclaimed that "He was a cock", because I was worried that I was being overly sensitive.
He was a nasty, horrible man who took one look at me and decided it was my fault because I was fat. It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't actually think PCOS were a real condition - he obviously knows nothing about it and is far too arrogant to learn.
I spent most of the rest of the day in tears, and was still pretty delicate on Wednesday. But now I'm angry and determined to lose the weight.
I'm also going to look into the NHS Choices scheme, to see if I can refuse to see him again, or find a consultant that specialises in PCOS.
But, for now, the plan is to get back on it and prove him wrong.
Arsehole.
24/07/2012
Personal Trainer - Tuesday 17th July
After my week of realisation, panic and feeling the pressure about the task ahead of me, I looked into a few more drastic measures to help me along my weightloss way.
I spent a bit of time researching LighterLife and the Cambridge Diet.
I knew they weren't sensible diets or a long term thing, but I thought that maybe for a quick fix and to ease the pressure I'd be able to do it.
After looking at them in a bit more detail I realised that no, I wouldn't be able to do it. And, more importantly, I didn't want to.
Getting all my energy and nutrients without actually chewing food just doesn't sit right with me. I wouldn't have teeth if it was ok not to chew...
So, I started toying with the idea of getting a personal trainer. I figured that an hour a week would not only be better for me than one of those diets, but it'd be cheaper too. And what harm would it do?!
I asked one of the girls at work whether she knew anyone (she's a fitness instructor, too) and she told me about her recently qualified friend, Louise.
Not only is she recently qualified, she's recently lost nearly SEVEN STONE!
We chatted on the Friday night, and I liked her over the phone, but she rightly pointed out that we should meet in person to check we were both happy working together.
She came round on Tuesday for a consultation, which was basically talking about what I wanted to achieve, why and when by. We talked about my diet (I'm eating too much FRUIT!! Who'da thunk it!), and my current exercise regime.
She actually made me feel like it's possible for me to hit my 3 stone target in time for the hospital appointment in October.
I like that she not only knows what she's talking about, she's been there, too. She's not just some skinny minny who likes to exercise - she's worked bloody hard to get where she is and looks great for it.
Our first session is tonight. I can't wait!
I spent a bit of time researching LighterLife and the Cambridge Diet.
I knew they weren't sensible diets or a long term thing, but I thought that maybe for a quick fix and to ease the pressure I'd be able to do it.
After looking at them in a bit more detail I realised that no, I wouldn't be able to do it. And, more importantly, I didn't want to.
Getting all my energy and nutrients without actually chewing food just doesn't sit right with me. I wouldn't have teeth if it was ok not to chew...
So, I started toying with the idea of getting a personal trainer. I figured that an hour a week would not only be better for me than one of those diets, but it'd be cheaper too. And what harm would it do?!
I asked one of the girls at work whether she knew anyone (she's a fitness instructor, too) and she told me about her recently qualified friend, Louise.
Not only is she recently qualified, she's recently lost nearly SEVEN STONE!
 |
| One of the BEFORE and AFTER photos from her Facebook page |
She came round on Tuesday for a consultation, which was basically talking about what I wanted to achieve, why and when by. We talked about my diet (I'm eating too much FRUIT!! Who'da thunk it!), and my current exercise regime.
She actually made me feel like it's possible for me to hit my 3 stone target in time for the hospital appointment in October.
I like that she not only knows what she's talking about, she's been there, too. She's not just some skinny minny who likes to exercise - she's worked bloody hard to get where she is and looks great for it.
Our first session is tonight. I can't wait!
22/07/2012
Doctors - 13.07.12
After I chased the doctors about my referrals, I had a phone call from the receptionist.
"The doctor would like to see you about the letter she's received from the gyneacologist - can you make an appointment to come in?".
Part of me knew it was going to be a pointless appointment. I thought that she'd want to confirm that she'd sent the referral off to the dietician and see how I was feeling generally about going to the hospital.
I was partly right - it was pointless.
I was wrong to assume that she would've done ANYTHING about the referral.
It started off badly when, as I sat down, she said "So, what can I do for you today?".
I told her that I was there because I'd been told she wanted to see me about the letter she'd received.
So, she dutifully looked at the letter, muttered something about "dietician" and asked me where I wanted to go from here.
"Erm, well... the consultant said I'd be referred to a dietician...?"
"Yes," she said, "we could do that. Or you could have a 12 week referral to either Weight Watchers or Rosemary Conley. We could also look at Orlistat. And if none of that works, maybe we need to consider surgery".
To say I was confused by the direction the appointment was taking would be an understatement.
She proceeded to tell me that if I chose to see the dietician I would probably only see her once or twice.
I told her that I'd tried both Weight Watchers and Rosemary Conley before and had limited success, so maybe it would be worth me giving the dietician a try.
She asked me how losing weight was going, and when I told her it was something I've been trying to do for well, ever, she made a noise that suggested she didn't believe me.
I told her that I'd got an appointment with a personal trainer booked, and she looked at me as if she didn't believe me.
She then said "I think maybe you're complacent about dieting, and that's why you're not losing weight. I think you need to put some serious thought into weight loss surgery".
I asked if there was anything else she wanted to talk to me about, and she said no. I promptly left.
I was pretty fricking angry. So angry that I ended up crying.
WHY was weightloss surgery being offered so easily?
WHY was that my only option?
Surely it would be better - and cheaper - all round to offer me more support and guidance than an operation?
I'm now more determined than ever to do this myself - without medication OR surgery - so that I can stick two fingers up to the NHS and their "help".
"The doctor would like to see you about the letter she's received from the gyneacologist - can you make an appointment to come in?".
Part of me knew it was going to be a pointless appointment. I thought that she'd want to confirm that she'd sent the referral off to the dietician and see how I was feeling generally about going to the hospital.
I was partly right - it was pointless.
I was wrong to assume that she would've done ANYTHING about the referral.
It started off badly when, as I sat down, she said "So, what can I do for you today?".
I told her that I was there because I'd been told she wanted to see me about the letter she'd received.
So, she dutifully looked at the letter, muttered something about "dietician" and asked me where I wanted to go from here.
"Erm, well... the consultant said I'd be referred to a dietician...?"
"Yes," she said, "we could do that. Or you could have a 12 week referral to either Weight Watchers or Rosemary Conley. We could also look at Orlistat. And if none of that works, maybe we need to consider surgery".
To say I was confused by the direction the appointment was taking would be an understatement.
She proceeded to tell me that if I chose to see the dietician I would probably only see her once or twice.
I told her that I'd tried both Weight Watchers and Rosemary Conley before and had limited success, so maybe it would be worth me giving the dietician a try.
She asked me how losing weight was going, and when I told her it was something I've been trying to do for well, ever, she made a noise that suggested she didn't believe me.
I told her that I'd got an appointment with a personal trainer booked, and she looked at me as if she didn't believe me.
She then said "I think maybe you're complacent about dieting, and that's why you're not losing weight. I think you need to put some serious thought into weight loss surgery".
I asked if there was anything else she wanted to talk to me about, and she said no. I promptly left.
I was pretty fricking angry. So angry that I ended up crying.
WHY was weightloss surgery being offered so easily?
WHY was that my only option?
Surely it would be better - and cheaper - all round to offer me more support and guidance than an operation?
I'm now more determined than ever to do this myself - without medication OR surgery - so that I can stick two fingers up to the NHS and their "help".
21/07/2012
So much going on!
I've got several posts that have been floating round my head for the past week, but I haven't had time to write them!
And, if I'm honest, I've been too emotionally close to them, too.
Now, with a week of distance, I'm going to write them. I'm obviously not posting them on the write days, but I am going to post them chronologically, so you'll have an idea of the timing and the rubbish-ness of what went on!!
On a brighter note, I weighed in this morning and I've lost 3 lbs!
Super pleased with that!!
And, if I'm honest, I've been too emotionally close to them, too.
Now, with a week of distance, I'm going to write them. I'm obviously not posting them on the write days, but I am going to post them chronologically, so you'll have an idea of the timing and the rubbish-ness of what went on!!
On a brighter note, I weighed in this morning and I've lost 3 lbs!
Super pleased with that!!
18/07/2012
15/07/2012
Weigh in
I stayed the same this week.
I'm a bit disappointed, but it's not the end of the world.
I'm meeting with a personal trainer this week and headed back to a Slimming World class on Wednesday so that should all help.
I have blogs I need to write-particularly about the rude lady in New Look (who won't get out of my head) and the doctors on Friday.
But until then, enjoy the rest of your Sunday!
07/07/2012
4 week weigh in...
So today was weigh in day.
I gained a pound.
No real surprise.
Off to a BBQ tonight then a new week starts tomorrow. Feel much more positive this end of the week than I did last.
Happy Saturday!
Under Pressure
It's fair to say that I've felt the pressure this week. I think the realisation of what we're facing has finally caught up with me this week and I've just had a meltdown (I'm also really hoping that there's a premenstrual element to it, too - more that 90 days since AF's last visit. )
Anyway, on Tuesday I had a good old weep at Mr B, worried that I wasn't going to be able to lose the weight I need to lose.
On Wednesday, the same thing happened.
"You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself," Mr B said.
It's easier said than done though, isn't it, really?
It's ME that doesn't work properly.
It's ME that has to lose the weight.
It's ME the doctors are judging.
It's MY fault we don't have a baby yet.
It's ME that's chasing the referrals, appointments, letters and what not.
Add to that the hell that is currently my work, and it's all just got a bit much this week.
I spoke to my mum yesterday and she suggested that I give something like pilates a go. Something to relax me, take my mind off things.
Because, as she pointed out, we're only at the beginning of it all.
Anyway, on Tuesday I had a good old weep at Mr B, worried that I wasn't going to be able to lose the weight I need to lose.
On Wednesday, the same thing happened.
"You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself," Mr B said.
It's easier said than done though, isn't it, really?
It's ME that doesn't work properly.
It's ME that has to lose the weight.
It's ME the doctors are judging.
It's MY fault we don't have a baby yet.
It's ME that's chasing the referrals, appointments, letters and what not.
Add to that the hell that is currently my work, and it's all just got a bit much this week.
I spoke to my mum yesterday and she suggested that I give something like pilates a go. Something to relax me, take my mind off things.
Because, as she pointed out, we're only at the beginning of it all.
04/07/2012
3 Week Weigh In
I weighed in last week.
I stayed the same.
I was gutted.
So gutted, that I had a little cry last night. Big, fat tears. Sobbing till I couldn't catch my breath. So, in fact, more than a little cry.
I was having a bit of a "woe is me" evening. I felt like a failure. I felt that I was letting people down.
I felt the pressure.
I'm still feeling the pressure today, and don't really know how to handle it. It's starting to dawn on me just how big a challenge 3 stone is. I've never lost 3 stone before - what makes me think I can do it this time?
I know that having a baby is (and should be) the biggest motivation there is, but it's the same motivation I've had since I started dieting over 6 years ago and, as yet, I'm no thinner.
I stayed the same.
I was gutted.
So gutted, that I had a little cry last night. Big, fat tears. Sobbing till I couldn't catch my breath. So, in fact, more than a little cry.
I was having a bit of a "woe is me" evening. I felt like a failure. I felt that I was letting people down.
I felt the pressure.
I'm still feeling the pressure today, and don't really know how to handle it. It's starting to dawn on me just how big a challenge 3 stone is. I've never lost 3 stone before - what makes me think I can do it this time?
I know that having a baby is (and should be) the biggest motivation there is, but it's the same motivation I've had since I started dieting over 6 years ago and, as yet, I'm no thinner.
27/06/2012
Mini Targets
3 stone. 4 months.
It feels like a pretty mammoth task.
It is a pretty mammoth task.
But, I'm going for it.
I've split it down into stone size chunks, and I know when I need to have done them by. I want to have lost my first stone by July 29th. That's 6 weeks from when I started.
Mr B has been awesome. We went for lunch after our appointment and had a lovely meal, then had a "naughty" supper in the evening. He's taken all sweets / chocolates / biscuits out of the house and is keeping them in the drawer at work, and he's been more supportive than ever.
We're going to the gym together. I'm going to the gym on my own.
Two weeks in, I've lost 6lbs.
I WILL DO THIS!!
It feels like a pretty mammoth task.
It is a pretty mammoth task.
But, I'm going for it.
I've split it down into stone size chunks, and I know when I need to have done them by. I want to have lost my first stone by July 29th. That's 6 weeks from when I started.
Mr B has been awesome. We went for lunch after our appointment and had a lovely meal, then had a "naughty" supper in the evening. He's taken all sweets / chocolates / biscuits out of the house and is keeping them in the drawer at work, and he's been more supportive than ever.
We're going to the gym together. I'm going to the gym on my own.
Two weeks in, I've lost 6lbs.
I WILL DO THIS!!
26/06/2012
And So It Begins
So, we left the appointment with a small (yet significant) spring in our step.
We got our next appointment for 4 months time.
I had my target - losing 6 BMI points (is that the right word? Are they points? If not, what the heck are they!?).
As we left the hospital, Mr B turned to me and said "So, how much weight is 6 BMI points, then?".
I looked at him, shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I've got no f*cking idea".
It didn't matter - all I knew was that I was going to try my hardest to lose it.
As it turns out, losing 3 stone would put my BMI at 39.8.
Losing 4 stone would put it at 37.4.
My aim is to lose 3 stone by October 23rd.
It's not going to be easy, but I am determined.
We got our next appointment for 4 months time.
I had my target - losing 6 BMI points (is that the right word? Are they points? If not, what the heck are they!?).
As we left the hospital, Mr B turned to me and said "So, how much weight is 6 BMI points, then?".
I looked at him, shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I've got no f*cking idea".
It didn't matter - all I knew was that I was going to try my hardest to lose it.
As it turns out, losing 3 stone would put my BMI at 39.8.
Losing 4 stone would put it at 37.4.
My aim is to lose 3 stone by October 23rd.
It's not going to be easy, but I am determined.
25/06/2012
Hospital Update
So, yet again, I've not updated for a while.
Sorry about that.
Since I last updated, we've had our appointment at the hospital. It actually ended up being sooner than anticipated because the consultant pulled it forward by a week - giving me 2 days notice.
So, TheFear that was bubbling under suddenly hit boiling point and I went into a bit of a tail spin.
My biggest fear was that I'd be told to go away and not come back until I'd lost half my body weight. I also worried that I'd get little or no support and be no better off than I was 6 months ago.
What actually happened is that we left the appointment feeling quite positive.
We went through all the usual stuff - how often do you have periods, how long have you been trying, when were you diagnosed. I quite liked that she knew most of the answers - she'd actually read my notes, rather than just carrying around the folder as a prop...
My weight did come up, in the "it must go down" sense, and that was no surprise. When she told me that I needed to lose weight, I asked her to give me some sort of target. I told her that telling me to lose weight wasn't going to work for me - I could come back in a week and have lost a pound, but we all knew that that wasn't what she meant. I also pointed out that, in the past 7 years, I've tried Slimming World, Rosemary Connely, Low GI, high protein, metabolic rate diets - you name it, I've tried it, and I'm still not really any better off.
She told me that if I were a "normal" person, she'd say that I wasn't trying hard enough but, as I have PCOS, she knows that I probably am trying really hard, and not getting anywhere.
That in itself was reassuring. I think that's the first time that a doctor has actually acknowledged that "must try harder" is not an appropriate response when I say I'm trying to lose weight!
She told me that I needed to have "shown progress" in my weight loss by my next appointment in 4-6 months time. In the meantime, she would refer me to a dietician and I could get some support from them. She is also sending me for an ultra sound as I've not had one since diagnosis in 2002, and a HSG to check my tubes.
It felt positive.
They did my BMI. It's 46. She set me a target of a BMI of 40 or lower before my next appointment.
"Shall we make your next appointment for 6 months time?" she said
"Nope," I replied, "I want it in 4. You've given me the target that I wanted, now I just need to get on with it".
Our follow up appointment is October 23rd
Sorry about that.
Since I last updated, we've had our appointment at the hospital. It actually ended up being sooner than anticipated because the consultant pulled it forward by a week - giving me 2 days notice.
So, TheFear that was bubbling under suddenly hit boiling point and I went into a bit of a tail spin.
My biggest fear was that I'd be told to go away and not come back until I'd lost half my body weight. I also worried that I'd get little or no support and be no better off than I was 6 months ago.
What actually happened is that we left the appointment feeling quite positive.
We went through all the usual stuff - how often do you have periods, how long have you been trying, when were you diagnosed. I quite liked that she knew most of the answers - she'd actually read my notes, rather than just carrying around the folder as a prop...
My weight did come up, in the "it must go down" sense, and that was no surprise. When she told me that I needed to lose weight, I asked her to give me some sort of target. I told her that telling me to lose weight wasn't going to work for me - I could come back in a week and have lost a pound, but we all knew that that wasn't what she meant. I also pointed out that, in the past 7 years, I've tried Slimming World, Rosemary Connely, Low GI, high protein, metabolic rate diets - you name it, I've tried it, and I'm still not really any better off.
She told me that if I were a "normal" person, she'd say that I wasn't trying hard enough but, as I have PCOS, she knows that I probably am trying really hard, and not getting anywhere.
That in itself was reassuring. I think that's the first time that a doctor has actually acknowledged that "must try harder" is not an appropriate response when I say I'm trying to lose weight!
She told me that I needed to have "shown progress" in my weight loss by my next appointment in 4-6 months time. In the meantime, she would refer me to a dietician and I could get some support from them. She is also sending me for an ultra sound as I've not had one since diagnosis in 2002, and a HSG to check my tubes.
It felt positive.
They did my BMI. It's 46. She set me a target of a BMI of 40 or lower before my next appointment.
"Shall we make your next appointment for 6 months time?" she said
"Nope," I replied, "I want it in 4. You've given me the target that I wanted, now I just need to get on with it".
Our follow up appointment is October 23rd
12/09/2011
The Joys of PCOS - Part 6
Weight problems – being overweight, rapid weight gain, difficulty losing weight.
It's also true that some of the difficulties I face in losing weight are because of my PCOS.
But a lot of it is down to the choices I've made, too. The foods I ate, the exercise I haven't done, and the education I didn't give myself earlier on.
If I could, I'd like to go back ten years and tell myself that I'm not actually that fat. That although I'm overweight, it's manageable. And to do a bit of reading up about PCOS and how it affects weight / weight gain.
I was reading some of my old diaries last week. In January 2003 I wrote that one of my new year's resolutions was to "be 12 stone before the end of the year".
At the beginning of 2005, it was to be 15 stone. In fact, by December 2005, I actually tipped the scales at 20stone and 4lbs.
I don't remember ever weighing 12 stone. I don't remember ever weighing 15 stone. I don't remember weighing anything in between.
I remember wearing size 14 / 16 clothes (the last time probably in 2002).
I remember buying a pair of size 26 trousers (in Evans in Northampton, November 2005), but I don't really remember anything in between.
When I think of myself between leaving school and now, I've always been this size. Size fat. Somewhere between 17 and a half and 20 stone.
It was quite sad last week when I read through my diaries and realised that, in the space of 8 years, I'd gained 8 stone.
I told Mr B about what I'd read. It made me sad to think that I'd thought I was horribly fat back in 2003 - if only I'd known then what I know now!
He pointed out to me that if I'd been that weight before, I could be that weight again.
There was nothing to stop me being 15 stone again. Nothing to stop me being that weight, and enjoying it this time.
There's also nothing to stop me being 12 stone again. Getting into a size 14/16 outfit and appreciating what that means, instead of worrying that I'm the fattest of all my friends.
So, that's my plan.
PCOS might not make it easy for me to lose weight, but I've been there before, and I'll damn well get there again.
I know I'll never look as youthful as I did in 2000 (top pic), but I'd love to have that jaw line again!
As you can probably tell, my hair changes A LOT. Maybe it's to distract from all the fat going on underneath?!
 |
| Me, 2000 |
It would be really easy for me to write a whole post about how I'm fat, and it's not my fault (in fact, there's a post just like that in my drafts...), but that's not true.
It is true that I'm fat.
It is true that part of that is due to my PCOS.It's also true that some of the difficulties I face in losing weight are because of my PCOS.
But a lot of it is down to the choices I've made, too. The foods I ate, the exercise I haven't done, and the education I didn't give myself earlier on.
If I could, I'd like to go back ten years and tell myself that I'm not actually that fat. That although I'm overweight, it's manageable. And to do a bit of reading up about PCOS and how it affects weight / weight gain.
 |
| 2002 |
At the beginning of 2005, it was to be 15 stone. In fact, by December 2005, I actually tipped the scales at 20stone and 4lbs.
I don't remember ever weighing 12 stone. I don't remember ever weighing 15 stone. I don't remember weighing anything in between.
I remember wearing size 14 / 16 clothes (the last time probably in 2002).
I remember buying a pair of size 26 trousers (in Evans in Northampton, November 2005), but I don't really remember anything in between.
 |
| April 2005 |
It was quite sad last week when I read through my diaries and realised that, in the space of 8 years, I'd gained 8 stone.
I told Mr B about what I'd read. It made me sad to think that I'd thought I was horribly fat back in 2003 - if only I'd known then what I know now!
He pointed out to me that if I'd been that weight before, I could be that weight again.
There was nothing to stop me being 15 stone again. Nothing to stop me being that weight, and enjoying it this time.
 |
| December 2005 |
So, that's my plan.
PCOS might not make it easy for me to lose weight, but I've been there before, and I'll damn well get there again.
I know I'll never look as youthful as I did in 2000 (top pic), but I'd love to have that jaw line again!
 |
| April 2008 |
 |
| August 2011 |
 |
| December 2010 |
05/08/2011
Weekly Weigh in
In order to hit my 4stoneby2012 target, I should be showing a 2stone total loss by today.
That hasn't happened.
I weighed this morning and I had
I’m not completely surprised by it, though. I haven’t really stuck to the diet this week, and I’ve had horrible constipation, too – I don’t think I’ve really been to the toilet since Sunday (Am I taking the sharing too far with that information?!).
I’ve also managed to (sort of) convince myself that I’m pregnant. Until this morning, Fertility Friend was telling me that I was 18DPO, with a temp that was steadily increasing. Mr B and I had decided that we’d wait until I was home from visiting my mum before we tested. That’s on Sunday, so I’m waiting till then.
This morning, though, fertility friend changed my ov date to 4 days ago, which means I’m now 4DPO, with little chance of actually getting a BFP because we haven’t really DTD this week. I’m still going to test on Sunday, though, and see how I get on.
I’m probably not going to be great today and tomorrow because I’m at mum’s, so once I know what the deal is cycle wise, I will get back on it with the diet. I still have just enough time to get to the 4stonby 2012 target if I’m super good, super focussed and super active.
That hasn't happened.
I weighed this morning and I had
GAINED 3LBS!!
I’m not completely surprised by it, though. I haven’t really stuck to the diet this week, and I’ve had horrible constipation, too – I don’t think I’ve really been to the toilet since Sunday (Am I taking the sharing too far with that information?!).
I’ve also managed to (sort of) convince myself that I’m pregnant. Until this morning, Fertility Friend was telling me that I was 18DPO, with a temp that was steadily increasing. Mr B and I had decided that we’d wait until I was home from visiting my mum before we tested. That’s on Sunday, so I’m waiting till then.
This morning, though, fertility friend changed my ov date to 4 days ago, which means I’m now 4DPO, with little chance of actually getting a BFP because we haven’t really DTD this week. I’m still going to test on Sunday, though, and see how I get on.
I’m probably not going to be great today and tomorrow because I’m at mum’s, so once I know what the deal is cycle wise, I will get back on it with the diet. I still have just enough time to get to the 4stonby 2012 target if I’m super good, super focussed and super active.
04/08/2011
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