That's not right...

So, I don't know what's wrong with me, but something isn't right.

Obviously, I had the crying episode on Sunday.

That's not right.

I felt nauseous all day yesterday.

That's not right.

I am absolutely shattered - struggling to keep my eyes open, shattered, despite a great night's sleep.

That's not right.

I feel sick again today.

That's not right.

Mr B did joke that it might be a baby in my belly. I decided that wasn't as stoopid as it sounded, so did a test. It was, unsurprisingly, negative. AF is due this week, so I might be feeling the way I'm feeling because of that. Or because I'm genuinely ill. Who knows?? If AF doesn't arrive by Sunday, though, I'll test again and see what happens...

xx

P.S. I was supposed to have my gym thing last night, but I cancelled because of feeling ill. Lame, I know. I will re-schedule for this weekend, though. Promise

Oh! The disappointment...

... when I used the Vac Packs last night. :(

It wasn't half as exciting as i'd hoped. I was bitterly disappointed, and I've been banned from touching them again until the weekend. (I may have got a bit p*ssed off with them. And stroppy).

Before:

After:

I just think the bag looks like it's shrunk around the clothes... Whatever. I'll see what happens when I'm allowed to play with them again at the weekend.

IN OTHER NEWS

I feel really down today. It's probably because it's nearly the end of the week and my exhaustion is about to peak, but I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and nearly cried. I'm wearing a dress (which in itself is pretty unusual, but summer's nearly here, so deal with it..) But I just look so fat. Who am I kidding? i don't just look it, I am fat. When I look at myself sideways on, I am so....deep. I seriously look like I'm 6 months pregnant (I'm not).

I know I've put a whole lot of weight on, but it seems to be all on my belly. It doesn't seem to have gone on anywhere else, which is weird, cos my arse normally balloons!

Add to that that I didn't have time / couldn't be bothered to put any make up on today (which is pretty normal ATM, TBH), and I look like a man.

I really need to sort things out. I think I'm going to "close the book" on my negativity, and come back from my holiday with a new, positive, can-do attitude.

xx

Urgh!

Well, I've been ill since last Wednesday. Really, really dizzy - it's been horrible. I've not been able to go to work. I've been to the doctors today, and had a whole load of tests done - blood sugars are fine, blood pressure is fine, heart is fine (I've had an ECG). The only other thoughts the doctor had was that's it's a virus, or I was pregnant.

I've done 3 tests since Wednesday, and it's not the latter. So it's a virus.

Today, when I got back from the doctors and did a test, I was really, really scared. I want a baby so very much, but I was still absolutely petrified. Mr B and I are going on a holiday (actually, our honeymoon) in May - and I wouldn't be able to go away if there was a baby in my belly. How selfish is that??

But, it was a negative result and, for the first time, I was relieved that it was a negative. I know there are plenty of negative results to come, that will break my heart, but this one was a relief.