It's fair to say that I've felt the pressure this week. I think the realisation of what we're facing has finally caught up with me this week and I've just had a meltdown (I'm also really hoping that there's a premenstrual element to it, too - more that 90 days since AF's last visit. )
Anyway, on Tuesday I had a good old weep at Mr B, worried that I wasn't going to be able to lose the weight I need to lose.
On Wednesday, the same thing happened.
"You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself," Mr B said.
It's easier said than done though, isn't it, really?
It's ME that doesn't work properly.
It's ME that has to lose the weight.
It's ME the doctors are judging.
It's MY fault we don't have a baby yet.
It's ME that's chasing the referrals, appointments, letters and what not.
Add to that the hell that is currently my work, and it's all just got a bit much this week.
I spoke to my mum yesterday and she suggested that I give something like pilates a go. Something to relax me, take my mind off things.
Because, as she pointed out, we're only at the beginning of it all.
Showing posts with label AF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AF. Show all posts
07/07/2012
05/12/2011
Nothing to report
So, I haven’t really had anything to report, which has been why there’s been nothing on here for a while.
That’s not really changed, to be honest, but I was feeling a bit guilty about the lack of posts, hence this one.
It’s been 2 weeks since my blood tests, and the results should’ve been back last week. I haven’t called to check, because I don’t fully understand what they were testing for, so don’t know what results I want! We’re still waiting for Mr B’s appointment for the SA to come through, too, but that should be anytime this week. Well, the letter should be any time this week, not necessarily the appointment.
Once that’s all done, we’ll get an appointment together to get all of our results.
AF arrived on Friday, 36 days after her last visit, which was quite exciting. However, FF isn’t convinced that I actually ovulated, so that’s not quite so exciting…
It has been incredibly painful, though, so I’ve made a mental note to speak to the Dr about that when I finally get an appointment – there must be some sort of painkiller that they can prescribe!
I’ve had a bit of a mental breakthrough on the diet front. I realised that part of my problem was / is that I’m bored with what we’ve been eating. Since April, I’ve pretty much had meat and two veg for every meal, with no real variation.
I spoke to my diet advisor last week, and she told me that there’s no reason that I can’t make things like bolognaises, stews and that sort of thing. So, Saturday’s dinner was a quorn bolognaise, and yesterday I bunged a whole lot of veg and chicken boobs into the slow cooker for a tasty stew. De-lish!
I’m waiting to hear from my friend, too – I think her eggs were implanted a week and a bit ago. I really hope they’re sticky…
It seems I did have stuff to report, after all!!!
That’s not really changed, to be honest, but I was feeling a bit guilty about the lack of posts, hence this one.
It’s been 2 weeks since my blood tests, and the results should’ve been back last week. I haven’t called to check, because I don’t fully understand what they were testing for, so don’t know what results I want! We’re still waiting for Mr B’s appointment for the SA to come through, too, but that should be anytime this week. Well, the letter should be any time this week, not necessarily the appointment.
Once that’s all done, we’ll get an appointment together to get all of our results.
AF arrived on Friday, 36 days after her last visit, which was quite exciting. However, FF isn’t convinced that I actually ovulated, so that’s not quite so exciting…
It has been incredibly painful, though, so I’ve made a mental note to speak to the Dr about that when I finally get an appointment – there must be some sort of painkiller that they can prescribe!
I’ve had a bit of a mental breakthrough on the diet front. I realised that part of my problem was / is that I’m bored with what we’ve been eating. Since April, I’ve pretty much had meat and two veg for every meal, with no real variation.
I spoke to my diet advisor last week, and she told me that there’s no reason that I can’t make things like bolognaises, stews and that sort of thing. So, Saturday’s dinner was a quorn bolognaise, and yesterday I bunged a whole lot of veg and chicken boobs into the slow cooker for a tasty stew. De-lish!
I’m waiting to hear from my friend, too – I think her eggs were implanted a week and a bit ago. I really hope they’re sticky…
It seems I did have stuff to report, after all!!!
11/10/2010
CD2...
Well, yesterday I was in quite a lot of pain, and actually a bit ill, too, with the start of my period.
Today, though, the pain and sickness has gone, although the period hasn't!
I feel pretty shattered, but that's not unusual for a Monday, either.
I was disappointed that I didn't / couldn't make it to the gym yesterday, and it doesn't look like I'll get to go before weigh in on Wednesday, either. I've got a pretty busy week (and weekend) ahead, which is great socially, but not so great with the diet / exercise etc.
Work's pretty shoddy today, too. I came in to find 11 emails from one of the guys who is on leave this week, and a whole host of stuff to do for him. Thanks for the head's up on that one... The last email he sent actually told me to prioritise something that I wouldn't have usually prioritised so that it's done when he's back... I take it that means he won't mind if his clients haven't been contacted, so long as the other thing's done!?
Today, though, the pain and sickness has gone, although the period hasn't!
I feel pretty shattered, but that's not unusual for a Monday, either.
I was disappointed that I didn't / couldn't make it to the gym yesterday, and it doesn't look like I'll get to go before weigh in on Wednesday, either. I've got a pretty busy week (and weekend) ahead, which is great socially, but not so great with the diet / exercise etc.
Work's pretty shoddy today, too. I came in to find 11 emails from one of the guys who is on leave this week, and a whole host of stuff to do for him. Thanks for the head's up on that one... The last email he sent actually told me to prioritise something that I wouldn't have usually prioritised so that it's done when he's back... I take it that means he won't mind if his clients haven't been contacted, so long as the other thing's done!?
10/10/2010
And so it begins... (again)
The witch arrived this morning.
I think I'm more disappointed than I have been before, but, onwards and upwards we go...
I think I'm more disappointed than I have been before, but, onwards and upwards we go...
05/08/2010
This is why I'm not in sales...
ME: I've just told them they don't need three.
COLLEAGUE: I know they don't need three, but they should have three cos it's more money for us.
It makes my blood boil that people actually think like that!
I went and registered with a recruitment agency yesterday. It went really well, and I came away from it feeling really positive.
I felt less positive, however, about the AWFUL hair cut I had done just after. Two and a half hours, sat in the most uncomfortable chair I've ever sat in, and the hair cut was awful. So bad, in fact, that when I got home I hacked a whole load off with a pair of nail scissors!! I'm lucky cos my hair's short, and I've had quite a few positive comments about it today, so I must've done ok!!
AF's still here, but I think she's on her way out... PHEW!
COLLEAGUE: I know they don't need three, but they should have three cos it's more money for us.
It makes my blood boil that people actually think like that!
I went and registered with a recruitment agency yesterday. It went really well, and I came away from it feeling really positive.
I felt less positive, however, about the AWFUL hair cut I had done just after. Two and a half hours, sat in the most uncomfortable chair I've ever sat in, and the hair cut was awful. So bad, in fact, that when I got home I hacked a whole load off with a pair of nail scissors!! I'm lucky cos my hair's short, and I've had quite a few positive comments about it today, so I must've done ok!!
AF's still here, but I think she's on her way out... PHEW!
25/07/2010
Baking it easy...
Today's been pretty chilled out.
I got up and went to the gym this morning, and then did some baking. Low GI carrot muffins for my breakfasts this week. There were a couple spare, so Mr B and I had one earlier. They were delish!!
Other than that, I haven't really done much. Mr B's dad came round for a cuppa this avo - his mum's not very well - but other than that, nothing much.
Still no signs of AF, but my temps have been pretty high for the past week or so... We'll see what happens!!
I got up and went to the gym this morning, and then did some baking. Low GI carrot muffins for my breakfasts this week. There were a couple spare, so Mr B and I had one earlier. They were delish!!
Other than that, I haven't really done much. Mr B's dad came round for a cuppa this avo - his mum's not very well - but other than that, nothing much.
Still no signs of AF, but my temps have been pretty high for the past week or so... We'll see what happens!!
24/07/2010
CD 46
So it's been 46 days since AF last visited. I'm definitely not pregnant, and I'm not even sure that I've ovulated. Although, in fact, I may have ovulated TWICE...WTF!!!! I really want SOMETHING to happen!!
I'm really lacking in motivation at the moment, too. I promised myself when I got back from holiday (nearly three months ago!!) that I would lose weight. I haven't managed it.
Then I promised myself that I'd go to the gym regularly and lose inches instead. I haven't managed it.
Then I said that I'd find a new job. I haven't managed it.
The REALLY frustrating thing is that I get myself really down about it, sit and cry and wail and make a fuss, but don't actually do anything to change the situation I'm in.
I'm so fucking pathetic.
But I'm also incredibly tired at the moment. I slept 12 hours last night, went out for a couple of hours this morning, and then needed a snooze. I slept for another two hours, cleaned the bathroom (for an hour!! I even used a toothbrush on the tile grout!) and needed another snooze. Ridiculous.
I think a big part of my problem is boredom, and I really need to get my bloody act together!!!
xx
I'm really lacking in motivation at the moment, too. I promised myself when I got back from holiday (nearly three months ago!!) that I would lose weight. I haven't managed it.
Then I promised myself that I'd go to the gym regularly and lose inches instead. I haven't managed it.
Then I said that I'd find a new job. I haven't managed it.
The REALLY frustrating thing is that I get myself really down about it, sit and cry and wail and make a fuss, but don't actually do anything to change the situation I'm in.
I'm so fucking pathetic.
But I'm also incredibly tired at the moment. I slept 12 hours last night, went out for a couple of hours this morning, and then needed a snooze. I slept for another two hours, cleaned the bathroom (for an hour!! I even used a toothbrush on the tile grout!) and needed another snooze. Ridiculous.
I think a big part of my problem is boredom, and I really need to get my bloody act together!!!
xx
13/07/2010
CD35
Well, it's CD35 for me.
No sign on AF. No sign of a BFP, either.
I'm soooo frustrated! I think I'm more annoyed that AF hasn't shown up than not getting a BFP. I could cope with the BFN if I got my period, cos at least then I'd know where I was at and I can start another month, counting down to OV, waiting for the right time.
Without AF, I don't know any of that!! I'm temping still, but my temps are so up and down, I don't really know what's going on.
I really thought I'd got my periods sussed. I thought I'd started to get a somewhat normal cycle, but it turns out that that's not the case, which is probably more annoying than anything else!!
Grr!
No sign on AF. No sign of a BFP, either.
I'm soooo frustrated! I think I'm more annoyed that AF hasn't shown up than not getting a BFP. I could cope with the BFN if I got my period, cos at least then I'd know where I was at and I can start another month, counting down to OV, waiting for the right time.
Without AF, I don't know any of that!! I'm temping still, but my temps are so up and down, I don't really know what's going on.
I really thought I'd got my periods sussed. I thought I'd started to get a somewhat normal cycle, but it turns out that that's not the case, which is probably more annoying than anything else!!
Grr!
09/06/2010
Right on Time!
After charting my temperature, changing my diet, and symptom spotting like mad, I'm very excited that
AF ARRIVED THIS MORNING!!
AF ARRIVED THIS MORNING!!
CD30, 14DPO. That's "normal"!
It's weird that someone trying for a baby would be excited by the arrival of a period, but having a cycle is, in itself, pretty exciting for someone with PCOS!!
I don't know how many more times I'll be excited by my period arriving - I'm hoping to be excited by a BFP next month - but for now, I'll enjoy it!
20/05/2010
Back on Track
So, after a manic couple of days once we got back from our holiday, I'm back in the swing of things.
Work was a bit of a mission yesterday. I had a long catch up with my manager about what I want to do, and where I see my career here progressing. We'd had a pretty intense catch up just before I went away, where I issued a bit of a "things need to change or I'm leaving" ultimatum, so I think my honesty there helped out, too.
My Nanna's funeral is next Tuesday. It's going to be a bit of a mission to get there, but I need to go. I'm worried about my dad, because it hasn't hit him at all yet. She died on Sunday, and he still hasn't cried. I think it's going to get him like a train on Tuesday.
The weekend is when I get properly stuck back in on the diet and exercise regime. I'm going to the gym on Saturday (and Sunday, all being well!) and I was going through my GI cook books last night for recipes that I can cook at the weekend. I have decided that I'm going to go by measurements rather than weight, though. I'm going to start temping, too, but need to get the thermometer at the weekend.
OH! Nearly forgot! AF arrived last week while we were away. Bit of a shame, as it was our honeymoon, and y'know... that's not what you want to be dealing with on honeymoon, but it was EXACTLY 30 days after my last one, which is really positive.
The only way is up!
14/04/2010
I agree with Forrest...
Life IS like a box of chocolates. Some days it's a caramel cup (they're the BEST days!) others it a strawberry creme (seriously, who likes those? Why even put them in the box?).
Anyway, today I feel like it's a bit of a solid milk chocolate day - lazy. Like the dude in the chocolate factory couldn't be bothered to throw in a hazelnut or something, so it's just a solid lump of chocolate. It's not a bad day, but it's not a day to get excited about, either.
I'm still having trouble with being tired. I don't know whether it's linked to AF's visit, or whether it's something else. I haven't taken my anti depressants since before Easter when I was sick, and I'm wondering now if I've been a bit stupid... I was taking 10mg every other day because I was in the process of coming off of them, but when I was being sick for the week, didn't bother to take them. Then, when I stopped being sick, I didn't bother to start again, because I didn't really see the point...
I'm feeling really fed up, too, but again, don't know if that's linked with AF, or linked to the lack of anti depressants. I guess I'll just have to sit it out for a week or so and see how I feel when AF goes. If I don't feel any better, maybe I'll start the ADs again..?
In other news... My weight is a fricking nightmare. I put on some trousers this morning and they were really, really tight. I'm hoping it's a bit of AF / white bread bloat, but I don't know how long I can kid myself over that one.
On the plus side, now the nicer weather's here, I am all about the salads. I had THE most delicious salad I think I had ever made yesterday for my lunch, and I've tried to recreate it again today. And I'll try again tomorrow, and Friday too, probably.
There's something about a good salad that just makes me feel thinner! I don't know what it is - it just motivates me to do better with what I'm eating. It's either that, or the absolute fear that has crept up on me knowing I have only 12 working days until my holiday!!!
xx
Anyway, today I feel like it's a bit of a solid milk chocolate day - lazy. Like the dude in the chocolate factory couldn't be bothered to throw in a hazelnut or something, so it's just a solid lump of chocolate. It's not a bad day, but it's not a day to get excited about, either.
I'm still having trouble with being tired. I don't know whether it's linked to AF's visit, or whether it's something else. I haven't taken my anti depressants since before Easter when I was sick, and I'm wondering now if I've been a bit stupid... I was taking 10mg every other day because I was in the process of coming off of them, but when I was being sick for the week, didn't bother to take them. Then, when I stopped being sick, I didn't bother to start again, because I didn't really see the point...
I'm feeling really fed up, too, but again, don't know if that's linked with AF, or linked to the lack of anti depressants. I guess I'll just have to sit it out for a week or so and see how I feel when AF goes. If I don't feel any better, maybe I'll start the ADs again..?
In other news... My weight is a fricking nightmare. I put on some trousers this morning and they were really, really tight. I'm hoping it's a bit of AF / white bread bloat, but I don't know how long I can kid myself over that one.
On the plus side, now the nicer weather's here, I am all about the salads. I had THE most delicious salad I think I had ever made yesterday for my lunch, and I've tried to recreate it again today. And I'll try again tomorrow, and Friday too, probably.
There's something about a good salad that just makes me feel thinner! I don't know what it is - it just motivates me to do better with what I'm eating. It's either that, or the absolute fear that has crept up on me knowing I have only 12 working days until my holiday!!!
xx
12/04/2010
Forgot to mention...
That AF arrived on Friday! Whoop whoop!
Very exciting - and maybe the dizziness DOES have something to do with it...?
Very exciting - and maybe the dizziness DOES have something to do with it...?
07/04/2010
Down in the dumps
So, I've been feeling really down in the dumps for the past couple of days.
I'm worried that it's because I've stopped my anti depressants... I was coming off them anyway, but just didn't take them last week when I was being sick (I didn't really see the point, in all honesty - nothing was staying in me long enough to be absorbed! Sorry, TMI), and haven't started again. I think that's probably having an effect, so I probably need to re introduce them again. Grr!!!
I've also been feeling really dizzy again (less today, actually) so it could be that AF is on her way, which probably isn't helping with my mood much, either. That would be exciting!
On the plus side, my mum's coming to stay this weekend. I'm really looking forward to seeing her, spending some time with her, and going shopping on Saturday! Whoop whoop! And then my dad and his wife are coming the following weekend for Sunday dinner. That will be nice, providing they don't annoy me! And it fits in nicely with my family goal.
x
I'm worried that it's because I've stopped my anti depressants... I was coming off them anyway, but just didn't take them last week when I was being sick (I didn't really see the point, in all honesty - nothing was staying in me long enough to be absorbed! Sorry, TMI), and haven't started again. I think that's probably having an effect, so I probably need to re introduce them again. Grr!!!
I've also been feeling really dizzy again (less today, actually) so it could be that AF is on her way, which probably isn't helping with my mood much, either. That would be exciting!
On the plus side, my mum's coming to stay this weekend. I'm really looking forward to seeing her, spending some time with her, and going shopping on Saturday! Whoop whoop! And then my dad and his wife are coming the following weekend for Sunday dinner. That will be nice, providing they don't annoy me! And it fits in nicely with my family goal.
x
03/04/2010
Happy Easter!
Well, I'm better... kinda! I stopped being ill on Wednesday, but Mr B then started on Wednesday evening. I had an absolute shocker of a day on Thursday, when one of the directors from work made me get a taxi to the office and back (£40 in total) because being at home was a "waste of time" for me. Although, when I got to work, we had no internet or servers, so I couldn't do anything. Totally ridiculous. I was v v annoyed!
Now, though, I'm dizzy again. Really dizzy, like I did the other week. I slept for 12 hours last night, and I feel like I could still sleep some more. I can only think that it's hormones, and maybe, just maybe, AF will come next week. Who knows.
Either way, our Easter Weekend isn't quite as we'd hoped. I am, however, going to beat the dizzyness, pretend it isn't happening, and get on with stuff. It won't beat me this time!!!
x
Now, though, I'm dizzy again. Really dizzy, like I did the other week. I slept for 12 hours last night, and I feel like I could still sleep some more. I can only think that it's hormones, and maybe, just maybe, AF will come next week. Who knows.
Either way, our Easter Weekend isn't quite as we'd hoped. I am, however, going to beat the dizzyness, pretend it isn't happening, and get on with stuff. It won't beat me this time!!!
x
18/02/2010
Arrghh!
I've got an appointment at the doctors tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. I weighed myself last night in preparation, and it appears that I've GAINED half a stone since I last saw her. Considering I'm supposed to be losing weight, that's not great.
Having said that, my main reason for losing weight was to encourage AF to arrive, and she did, so maybe I should focus on that? Who knows what she'll say though - I'm a bit scared!
I'm coming off my anti depressants at the moment, too, and I'm a bit worried that I shouldn't be. I've been really fed up this week, although mainly with work. I've had enough of people in the office turning up at 10am, hungover and doing hardly any work. Or being in the office and calling around Estate Agents to organise viewings for houses / flats. I'm working a 50 hour week at the moment, and I've been told that I can't have one day a week to work from home, yet other people are getting away with that. I want to stamp my feet like a small child and claim that "It's not fair".
On the plus side, I'm out for dinner tonight with an ex colleague, and I'm really looking forward to a nice meal, great chat and couple of glasses of vino (which won't help when I step on the scales tomorrow, I'm sure!!).
Anyway, I'm at risk of being a hypocrite re: my work-related rant, so should get on! ;)
x
Having said that, my main reason for losing weight was to encourage AF to arrive, and she did, so maybe I should focus on that? Who knows what she'll say though - I'm a bit scared!
I'm coming off my anti depressants at the moment, too, and I'm a bit worried that I shouldn't be. I've been really fed up this week, although mainly with work. I've had enough of people in the office turning up at 10am, hungover and doing hardly any work. Or being in the office and calling around Estate Agents to organise viewings for houses / flats. I'm working a 50 hour week at the moment, and I've been told that I can't have one day a week to work from home, yet other people are getting away with that. I want to stamp my feet like a small child and claim that "It's not fair".
On the plus side, I'm out for dinner tonight with an ex colleague, and I'm really looking forward to a nice meal, great chat and couple of glasses of vino (which won't help when I step on the scales tomorrow, I'm sure!!).
Anyway, I'm at risk of being a hypocrite re: my work-related rant, so should get on! ;)
x
14/02/2010
Happy Valentines Day
Well, I'm finally feeling better, which is a good thing.
And, what's even better is that AF arrived on Friday. That's only 6 weeks after the last time I had a visit, and 3 times in the last 12 months. For me, that's like, regular!! I'm hoping this is the start of things to come - it would certainly make trying for babies easier, anyway!!!!
So, Valentines Day. Not something Mr B and I really celebrate. His birthday was only a couple of days ago, and mine's only a couple of weeks away, so we've never really celebrated. Plus, it's so commercialised. And expensive. Having said that, Mr B let me have a lovely lie in this morning before bringing me breakfast in bed. I did have a couple of hours of ironing to do, though. And then we had a lovely dinner, and bottle of wine (in fact, I'm a bit worse for wear at the moment...)
I really need to get back on track with the diet, though. It's ridiculous now - I know exactly what I need to do, and I'm just not doing it. I'm back at the Drs on Friday, and I know I won't have lost any weight, and I'm probably going to get in trouble. We go on our honeymoon in 11 weeks, and the whole plan is to start properly TTC, but if I don't shift some weight soon, it's never going to happen (and I won't look very nice in my swim suit, either!). Mr B and I were talking about the gym the other day - I know I need to be goinga t the weekend, and at least twice during the week, but by the time I get home from work, I just don't have the energy. I'm already out of the house for 11 hours of the day, so can I cope with another hour out, too?
I need to do it though, and should stop the bloody excuses!!!
x
And, what's even better is that AF arrived on Friday. That's only 6 weeks after the last time I had a visit, and 3 times in the last 12 months. For me, that's like, regular!! I'm hoping this is the start of things to come - it would certainly make trying for babies easier, anyway!!!!
So, Valentines Day. Not something Mr B and I really celebrate. His birthday was only a couple of days ago, and mine's only a couple of weeks away, so we've never really celebrated. Plus, it's so commercialised. And expensive. Having said that, Mr B let me have a lovely lie in this morning before bringing me breakfast in bed. I did have a couple of hours of ironing to do, though. And then we had a lovely dinner, and bottle of wine (in fact, I'm a bit worse for wear at the moment...)
I really need to get back on track with the diet, though. It's ridiculous now - I know exactly what I need to do, and I'm just not doing it. I'm back at the Drs on Friday, and I know I won't have lost any weight, and I'm probably going to get in trouble. We go on our honeymoon in 11 weeks, and the whole plan is to start properly TTC, but if I don't shift some weight soon, it's never going to happen (and I won't look very nice in my swim suit, either!). Mr B and I were talking about the gym the other day - I know I need to be goinga t the weekend, and at least twice during the week, but by the time I get home from work, I just don't have the energy. I'm already out of the house for 11 hours of the day, so can I cope with another hour out, too?
I need to do it though, and should stop the bloody excuses!!!
x
Happy Valentines Day
Well, I'm finally feeling better, which is good.
And, what's even better, is that AF arrived on Friday night. Most people wouldn't see that as comething to celebrate, but then it's only been 6 weeks for me, which is the closest thing to regular I've been for, well... forever! That means it's been 3 times in the last 12 months. Woohoo!! Fingers are firmly crossed that this the start of things to come.... It would make baby-making easier, anyway!!!
And, what's even better, is that AF arrived on Friday night. Most people wouldn't see that as comething to celebrate, but then it's only been 6 weeks for me, which is the closest thing to regular I've been for, well... forever! That means it's been 3 times in the last 12 months. Woohoo!! Fingers are firmly crossed that this the start of things to come.... It would make baby-making easier, anyway!!!
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