To do list - Update

Last year, I wrote a to do list.

It's not something I've really looked at for a while, although all of the things on it have remained in my head and a focus of mine.

AND I've just started with another one of my list, too...

I just booked a driving lesson for a week on Saturday!


I haven't had a lesson for a good couple of years, so I'm pretty nervous (already!!) but I've booked with a lady instructor who, on the phone, seems really nice.

I'm going to try and book lessons with another two instructors, too, because I'm going to spensd a lot of time and money with them, and I need to know that I get on with them.

Not like the last instructor I had, who was a complete loser.

My aim is to have this driving thing nailed before the end of the year.

I told myself at the beginning of the year that 2011 was going to be MY year, and so far, so good. I've stopped smoking (almost 8 months now, don'tcha know!), started losing weight, started exercising again AND booked a driving lesson.

I just need a BFP to round it all off, now...

I'll keep you posted (and perhaps update my to do list, too!)

Sleepy...

It's day 3 of the new job.

It's going well, but I'm doing more than I've done for a looong time. Because it's a new job and I'm training, I'm taking in lots of information, and it's just really tiring me out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it, I'm just really looking forward to the weekend so I can have a good ol' sleep!

I have a bit of an uphill walk that I have to do in order to get to the office, and already I'm starting to feel it in my bum cheeks. I have a feeling that I'm going to end up with a tight little touche before long!! Everything else might be falling apart, but my ass is going to look great!

I'm finally starting to feel a bit better, too (although I can hear Mr B coughing and spluttering upstairs at the moment), so I'm looking forward to getting back to the gym, getting a diet sorted, and sorting my lardy pants out!

Yay me!!

Awesome!

I've had a really good couple of days.

Nothing particuarly exciting to report, unfortunately, but I've excercised, eaten well, and caught up with a couple of friends, too.

I just feel really positive at the moment, and I'm sure that there'll be some jobs coming up soon! x

The Theory...

The theory was that, while I was unemployed, I'd exercise and lose weight. I could walk to the gym (it would be my warm up), work out and then walk home (my cool down).

The reality is that, today, I thought I'd scope out the best route to walk to the gym - there are two options, y'see - one is shorter, but hilly, the other is longer but flat... Which would be my route of choice?!

Anyway, I set off on my walk, which Mr B thought would take about 30 mins each way. I decided to go short and hilly on the way there.

Half way there, and I thought I'd died. Turns out that hefting all this extra weight around isn't all that easy, and I haven't really done it enough of late to realise just how difficult it is!

I was supposed to go to the door of the gym to get an accurate time-age, but it didn't quite work like that. As soon as short and hilly crossed paths with long and flat, I started to walk back.

By the time I got home, I thought I was going to die!! I had cramp in my legs and the bottom of my back / top of my bum was is agony.

Needless to say, I wasn't carrying my gym kit, either. And the thought of doing an hour long workout in the middle of my walk nearly made me throw up.

HOWEVER! The whole walk, there and back, only took me 30 mins in total, NOT 30 minutes each way. AND that's 30 minutes more exercise than I would've had if I sat on my arse in the office.

In other news:

I've applied for 2 jobs and crossed two things off of my Never Ending To Do List, as well as cooking a casserole.

And that, folks, is my first day of unemployment!

Don't tell anyone, but I've had quite a nice day!!

Another Month Begins...

I can't believe that August is already here! It's crazy!

With it came AF! It means that, weirdly, I've only had a 10 day LP this month, which is odd. BUT it is exactly EIGHT WEEKS since my last one... So I don't know what happened in between.

I worked on Saturday, and had a really good time. We had some photos taken (me and two of my colleagues - the Dream Team!!) and it's my goal to look NOTHING like that picture 12 months from now!

Unfortunately, that's something that I say every time I do one of these events and have one of those photos taken, but this time I really mean it!

I'm off to the gym tonight and Slimming on Wednesday.

I'm on a mission, and August marks the start of it!!

x

4 weeks late...

So, I was supposed to go and have a program done at the gym about 4 weeks ago.

I ended up not going - I got myself so worked up about it, I made myself ill, so cancelled it and put it off.

BUT!

I went and did it last night.

I am so incredibly proud of myself.

I was there for about 45 minutes, and the lady that took me round was really good. I was really nervous that she'd take the mick, or make me feel crap about myself, but in fact she was totally the opposite.

When she asked me if I had any medical conditions, I said "no, I'm just fat!". She replied with. "Don't say that. You're not. And you're here, so it doesn't matter anyway. You could quite easily be at home not doing anything".

Oooo. Kkkk! Consider myself told!

There was one point where I actually, really thought I was going to die, so had to stop what I was doing, but I've made it my mission to master that piece of equipment before I go back in 4 weeks!

I'm aching a little bit today, but nothing that I can't handle!

I'm so chuffed with myself!!
xx

Baking it easy...

Today's been pretty chilled out.

I got up and went to the gym this morning, and then did some baking. Low GI carrot muffins for my breakfasts this week. There were a couple spare, so Mr B and I had one earlier. They were delish!!

Other than that, I haven't really done much. Mr B's dad came round for a cuppa this avo - his mum's not very well - but other than that, nothing much.

Still no signs of AF, but my temps have been pretty high for the past week or so... We'll see what happens!!

Mix and Match?

I was talking to my mum at the weekend about the fact that, despite pretty much sticking to a low GI diet since getting back from holiday, I haven't managed to lose any weight. In fact, I've gained weight since getting back, which is really frusrating.

She suggested that I do a bit of mix and matching with the diet I'm following. I had some really good results when I was following the Slimming World red and green day plan, but then plateauted out. Then I initially had awesome results with low GI, but that seems to have stopped, too. Mum suggested that I do 2 weeks on each, almost giving my body a bit of a shock every fortnight, and seeing how I get on with that. I guess I've got nothing to lose...

I measured myself again last night. It's been a couple of weeks since I did it, and exercise hasn't been all that great, so I wasn't all that hopeful. BUT I'd actually stayed the same. I know it's not as good as losing, but it's better than going up, right?

I'm currently on CD41, which is incredibly frustrating. Signs are looking as though I'm ovulating at the moment though, so finger's crossed for some awesome baby dancing action later!! Whoop!

x

That's not right...

So, I don't know what's wrong with me, but something isn't right.

Obviously, I had the crying episode on Sunday.

That's not right.

I felt nauseous all day yesterday.

That's not right.

I am absolutely shattered - struggling to keep my eyes open, shattered, despite a great night's sleep.

That's not right.

I feel sick again today.

That's not right.

Mr B did joke that it might be a baby in my belly. I decided that wasn't as stoopid as it sounded, so did a test. It was, unsurprisingly, negative. AF is due this week, so I might be feeling the way I'm feeling because of that. Or because I'm genuinely ill. Who knows?? If AF doesn't arrive by Sunday, though, I'll test again and see what happens...

xx

P.S. I was supposed to have my gym thing last night, but I cancelled because of feeling ill. Lame, I know. I will re-schedule for this weekend, though. Promise

I'm actually doing it!!

So, I've been banging on for a while now about how I need to sort my diet out, and start exercising.

Well, this week has actually been a pretty major turning point.

I've stuck, as best I can with work events where I have no control over the food I have to eat, to the low GI diet, and I've done some form of exercise every single day. (One of those days it was work-related event exercise, but it still counts, surely!?)

I've even gone as far as to book myself an appointment with a guy at the gym to set up a personal programme to help me lose weight. I'm meeting Gareth, with his spiky hair and South African accent, on Monday at 7.30. I've been assured that he won't actually kill me, but I may wish he had by the time I get home...

So long as he shows me what I need to be doing to shift this weight, I don't care.

Please, someone remind me of that on Tuesday when I'm moaning about how hard I worked..!!!

xx

Good day!

Today has been a good day!

I did the ironing (boring!!) first thing, cooked a few meals to freeze for later in the week, and, most importantly I went to the gym!!!!
I really wasn't all that keen on going, but Mr B convinced me that it would make me feel better if he went. He was right! I was exhausted, but felt really chuffed with with myself.

Then, after dinner I headed into the garden with my new camera, and took some pictures. I love spring time, and I love our flowers. I just hate gardening!!

OTH

I'm not really someone who watches a lot of tv.... Who am I kidding?! I watch far too much TV, but there's nothing that I'm totally addicted to - I'll quite happily watch any ol' crap. Except when it comes to One Tree Hill.
I don't know what it is about that series, but I'm totally addicted! It's weird... I have all six series on DVD and I've watched them all in the past 8 months?! Mr B brought me season 6 on Saturday, and already I'm half way through it. I literally lose HOURS sat in front of the box, adn it really frustrates me! Having said that, the sooner I finish it, the sooner I get my life back!

It's a bank holiday weekend this weekend, which means that we got an extra day off. Frustratingly, we didn't really use that to our advantage. We've just spent the weekend here at the house, doing bits and pieces. Although, we had a lovely BBQ with Mr B's brother and friend yesterday.

On the whole, the diet is going well. I've pretty much been able to keep to around the 1500 calorie mark, although may have gone over a bit yesterday with the burgers. I'd been hoping to get to the gym at least twice over the weekend, but yesterday we slept in for far too long, and only had a couple of hours to get everything sorted before people arrived for the BBQ, and this morning I really didn't feel well. I think I've got the start of a cold. I'm going to put my stuff in the boot of the car tomorrow, in case the need to pop in on the way home takes over me! I really need to get my ass in gear!

xxx

Another day...

... another challenge to find something to wear!

Yesterday I spent most of the day with my trousers undone, just so that I could sit at my desk comfortably. It's a nightmare at the moment, and seems to be getting worse, although I'm not eating any worse than I was before the holiday.

I braved the scales this morning, actually, and I've gained about 9lbs since just before the holiday. I'm so mad at myself.

Having said that, I've got really bad water retention and constipation (sorry if TMI!!!), so I think that's more than likely contributing to the bloating and discomfort. I hope. Surely I'm not putting weight on on a daily basis!? If I am, there'll be a problem with things to wear soon!

I'm totally exhausted this week, too. The travelling to and from the (exceptionally emotional) funeral hasn't helped with that. But it means I haven't been to the gym again since Sunday. Food has been... OK, though, predominantly because I pre-cooked a load of stuff at the weekend. The plan is to do the same again this weekend.
I'm going to do low calorie, low GI stuff, with the aim of keeping below 1500 calories a day, with at least some exercise every day. That's the AIM, anyway!

And work is continuing to be something that gets me down. I had a(nother) long catch up with my manager earlier in the week, and told him that I'd be leaving if things didn't change. He laughed it off - I really don't think he appreciates how serious I am about it. Chances are it'll be too late for it to make any difference by the time he does realise...

And then I...

Well, when I got home last night, I felt totally shattered. All I really wanted to do was put my PJs on. But I didn't.

I cooked dinner (well, cooked is probably a bit of an exageration. I re-heated some Jambalaya that I'd got out of the freezer. I had cooked it in the first place though. Home made ready meals rock!)

And then I...

Spent some time sorting my finances with Mr B. This is a task I HATE, but because I refuse to go the whole hog and have just the joint account, I have to do. I'm fiercely independent, and like to have my own money, but I'm not too great at it. But, I can't get away with not doing it, cos Mr B's an accountant, and he likes to know that I know where I'm at.

And then I...

Chatted briefly to my friend H, who is off on her hols today. I'm very excited for her - she's bravely headed off to Egypt, on her own. You go girl!

And then I ...

Did the ironing. Another task that I don't really enjoy. I was supposed to do it on Sunday, but put it off. I contemplated putting it off again last night, but then realised that if I didn't do it, I'd have nothing to wear. In the end, it only took 40 minutes, so that was a result.

And then I...

Did an OPK. This is all quite new to me, to be honest - TTC isn't something we've seriously done before, but the closer the holiday gets, the more serious I'm getting about it. I was hoping that, as I'd had the most regular cycles of my life since December, that was set to continue, but it doesn't look like it. We'll see....

And then I...

Did some exercise. I did 50 sit ups. I'm not going to be winning any medals for fitness fanatic of the year, but it was a start. And I'm gonna get the Wii Fit out tonight, too.

And then I...

Sat down and watched Hells Kitchen USA with Mr B. I don't really enjoy it, but it's mindless TV, and time with the hubby!

And then I...

Went to bed and read a bit.

And then I...

Went to sleep.

So, all in all, a pretty productive evening for someone who was knackered!!

xx

The weekend starts here!

Well, today has flown by. Not that I'm complaining!

In an hour's time, I'll be on my way home from work, ready for the weekend to start. I might even have a cheeky glass of vino.

I went out last night with S and H and we had a really nice time. We just went for dinner, but had a good giggle and catch up. We haven't all been together since my wedding in November, which doesn't really count because they weren't quite my priority. So, in fact, it was March of last year that we had a good catch up. And, a lot has changed in that time!

S used to be our boss, and he spent a lot of time with me about 2 years ago helping me with my confidence / self belief. I hadn't told him about my depression (I think I was a bit embarrassed) but we chatted about it last night, and he's given me some things to think about to help me keep on track with that. We also chatted about the positive thinking and mind sets when it comes to driving lessons, too, and I'm definitely going to use that - if I think I can drive, and can pass my test, I will.

It all sounds totally airy fairy, and there was a time when I would've rolled my eyes if someone else was telling me this, but because I trust him, and he's helped me before, I suppose I think that anything's worth a try!

Anyway, it was good to catch up with them both.

I've got another manic weekend this weekend - I've taken the be-more-social goal to extremes, I think, and not really given myself / us any time to chill out... Never mind though, it will be nice to see people.

I must get to the gym tomorrow and Sunday, though - it's been to long, and this weight isn't going to lose itself....

Till Sunday!
x

Chit-chat

Well, I've been thinking a lot over the last few days about to whether to take my doctor up on her offer of prescribing me Orlistat.

On the one hand, it would be great to have the little "boost". On the other hand, I'm quite stubborn, and almost see it as cheating. I want to lose the weight on my own!!

But, that's not happening - it seems no matter how hard I try, I regularly fall off the wagon and struggle to stick to it.

I was also supposed to start back at the gym yesterday, and failed spectacularly at that, too. I'm already out of the house for 11 hours a day, and I'm shattered by the time I get home from work, so the chances of me going to the gym for an hour in the evening are slim, at best!

The frustrating thing is that I spend time every other weekend cooking and freezing meals so that we have healthy, quick meals ready to go when we get home from work, but at least once a week we'll decide that we don't fancy what's waiting for us, and stop at the supermarket to get something else. It's ALWAYS unhealthy, and it ALWAYS costs us money that we can't afford to spend, but we're both as bad as each other, and really should do better!

I chatted to Mr B about it all last night - Orlistat, the diet, the gym - all of it.
The decisions we made were:
* I won't have Orlistat for another month, will stick to my diet, and will exercise more
* We won't stop at the supermarket, unless it is an emergency (chocolate does not an emergency make!)
* We WILL eat the food that I've already cooked, no matter how boring and repetitive the meals are!
* I will start going to the gym again, even if it's only an hour on Saturday and Sunday. I'm paying for it, and can't really afford to be spending money shopping, so may as well spend some time there on a Saturday!
* I will start using the wii fit in the evenings. Even if it's only 15 minutes on Just Dance, in competition with Mr B, it's better than sitting on my arse doing nothing!
* Mr B will be strict / tell me off when I start being a horror!

I'm not going to lose weight without making some serious changes, so I'm making them!
As from this morning, when I had home-made muesli-type stuff for my breakfast.

I WILL GET THIN!!!

xx